I admire the women in my life who are getting their PhDs from reasonably sane departments where they aren't being subjected to this sort of shit.

Yes, this, exactly. My wife just got her PhD from a reasonably sane department and it was still maddening in many, many ways.

When I got my new job, with its generous tuition reimbursement for two major institutions in the area, the first words out of my parents' mouths: "Are you going back to get the PhD?" My response: "Oh, hell no."