Good morning world. No, really, GOOD MORNING, WORLD. It is a very good morning, indeed.
First Inception: the Musical rehearsal last night. I was shakier vocally than I expected to be, but I also handled my shit better than I expected, and it will be fine, because I'm a hard worker, and when it comes, it comes. Also, I have no voice after eating brie, not sleeping and being on the rag (does anyone else have this, where you totally lose your range when you're menstruating?)
Also, Megan is the fuck HILARIOUS as Eames, although I confess to possibly finding all of that funnier since she's my ex-roommate AND because there's a whole long sequence in which she hits on the The Mark by doing all this "Well, helloooooo, Mr. Director" stuff, that's funny even if you aren't Megan and I, but is stupidly funny if you are.
And, most importantly, perhaps, things are afoot.
No, no, things are really afoot. Dogboy & Justine is totally happening. And last night, I, in thinking about something that got said in the Luhrmann masterclass and how I was actually applying that to something else, somewhere else, had an inspiration for what this project is and how it should perhaps be tonally. The other party involved totally gets my ideas, is running around with her own awesome ideas and can compose the fuck out of anything. Which is to say, er, hey, now we're naming our production company.
And, there was a Friends of the Text meeting that was AWESOME. In part because we are all awesome, in part because thank god Kali can keep people focused. In part because we are closing in one some great ideas for 2011. In part because, OH SHIT, everything I'm doing totally related to everything else I'm doing, and if this goes the direction I think it is, I know exactly the abstract I'm writing up for this thing and it's SO GOOD. And so about my sweet spot of fixation. And I am SO EXCITED.
On the other hand, I've slept way, way too much today. So the schedule of things I must do today, is perhaps different than I thought it was going to be last night. But that's okay, I needed the sleep, and the important thing is no fucking off. I've things to do! Both in terms of art and grocery shopping and Cleaning All the Things and such-like.
Tomorrow, Patty and I have a date!
Right now, it's not raining. IT'S NOT RAINING. I've decided, among other things, to go out and take a walk. Soho is calling to me. I don't know why. But I listen when called.
Got a birthday card from my parent, which in all its birthday card sentiment was really and truly sweet and really and truly moved me. In short, the translation could be "You're a queer artist and we actually think that's kinda awesome." Seriously, the card is that good.
Weirdly, I still have no plan for my birthday and still feel okay about that. Is it crazy that I think something's going to come, or that my own work ethic is plenty to keep me entertained?
Am I being too intense lately? I feel so jazzed, but like this all must be really tiring to read.
The legal debate around the suicide of Tyler Clementi. Lots of people have been talking about "well, no matter how bad it is, you don't kill yourself if there isn't an underlying problem, and you can't blame cruelty for that." Cruelty is cruelty. Abuse is abuse. Any person can be vulnerable. Any act of casual maliciousness can be fatal. Tyler Clementi killed himself because Tyler Clementi killed himself. Tyler Clementi also killed himself because he was ridiculed, harassed and had his privacy invaded because of his sexual orientation. All these things can be true at once. And are.
On the other than, I've slept way, way too much today. So the schedule of things I must do today, is perhaps different than I thought it was going to be last night. But that's okay, I needed the sleep, and the important thing is no fucking off. I've things to do! Both in terms of art and grocery shopping and Cleaning All the Things and such-like.
Starting my "day" in much the same way, but am beating myself up much less than usual for it.
Right now, it's not raining. IT'S NOT RAINING. I've decided, among other things, to go out and take a walk. Soho is calling to me. I don't know why. But I listen when called.
::::nods::::: Yup, yup, yup. While I can't currently get to Soho, I *can* and will get to Highland Street and Elm Park here in Wormtown and *will* make myself leave the house. It is always good to listen when those voices call.
Am I being too intense lately? I feel so jazzed, but like this all must be really tiring to read.
Nah.
Yes, this is not a new phenomenon. Yes, it is disgusting that it is only being acknowledged now by the mainstream media like it's this year's shark attack, but it is vitally important than we keep the story alive, in hopes that that can engender change which will help keep kids alive.
And so much synchronicity with conversations I've had with my semi-daughter, who has actually finally vocalized at age 28 the thought that she does not know how she kept going in grammar school and high school, because she couldn't imagine at age 13 that she would EVER meet other people like her. [She met me at age 14 and started hanging out with Michael and me when she was in college.]
Regarding Dogboy & Justine, this is something I'm very excited about as a fan musical theatre and sexual dynamics... so YAY! My BFF and I would definitely pay good money for that one.
I read an interesting piece regarding Tyler Clementi over on Sepia Mutiny (http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/006341.html) which I really didn't know how to take. It irritated me that there was any kind of search for justification on the people who committed cyber-bullying and the other, is the social background of bullies something we need to take into account? I'm inclined to say yes, but I still think the book should be thrown at them.
Andre wound up not being able to make it, so we're sending our notes and thoughts around to him today and will then spread the updates. Kali's handling the actual communications stuff for now because she has the most conference experience and her brain is less cluttered than mine or Linden's right now, so I expect you'll see something soon.
well, no matter how bad it is, you don't kill yourself if there isn't an underlying problem, and you can't blame cruelty for that
Dear everybody who said that, maybe you need to wake up and actually be bullied just for being yourself. Although, actually, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy because it's completely awful, and I'm only just realising now that I should have reported what happened to me to my tutor and probably to the police. 17 years later.
Well, and what the hell kind of übermensch bootstraps rhetoric is it to effectively argue that if you don't have a wholly-formed, well-integrated self-image free from any underlying organic or crisis-induced mental health complications and grounded in secure attachment bonds to significant relational figures in your life*, you pretty much deserve to have chinks in your armor exploited even if it kills you?
Lots of people have been talking about "well, no matter how bad it is, you don't kill yourself if there isn't an underlying problem, and you can't blame cruelty for that."
I have just had this debate with my consultant! She reckons that people can't withhold consent to be treated after an overdose, because once they lose consciousness they no longer have capacity to make that decision. I think that if they've made a statement to you that they don't want to be resuscitated, you have to abide by that. Suicide does not necessarily equal mental impairment, however much we as doctors might like to claim it does so we can stop people dying. Having to let someone die is awful, but I think if that really is their decision we really don't have any other option. In practice, it won't be my decision for several years, and even then I would ring the Medical Protection Society and go 'aaargh' at them for legal/ethical guidance. But the conversation was good to have! It was one of those good debates where people listen to the other person's side.
The other thing that just torques me about comments in regard to the Clementi story: "None of this would have happened if he'd been with a girl!"
OK, first? You don't know that. The roommate STILL could have taped him. Because it's not like straight 18 y.o. guys aren't possibly, oh I dunno, *shy and awkward* their first time having sex.
Second? Ah, so Clementi brought this on himself by being queer? Really?
I said that, and I have been subjected to ongoing cruelty for being queer. What I said specifically, however, is that people don't kill themselves because of one incident. One incident can push them over the edge, but suicide only seems like an appealing option if there's a whole other constellation of stuff going on. This is based on my months of training as a paraprofessional suicide prevention counselor, so take it for what it's worth.
Lots of people have been talking about "well, no matter how bad it is, you don't kill yourself if there isn't an underlying problem, and you can't blame cruelty for that."
Yeah, I've been seeing that, too. I have to wonder if people who make that argument have never had anything seriously traumatic or upsetting happen to them, or just can't empathize with how others might react to something like that. I've had people whom I see as being very stable, who have never been diagnosed with depression or another mental illness, tell me that they wanted to die during especially upsetting times in their lives. It's not uncommon.
But even if Clementi did have a history of depression or suicidal thoughts, I don't see why that matters. If you mug someone who happens to have a weak heart, and they have a heart attack from the stress, you're not absolved just because they had an underlying condition. We have to accept the consequences of our actions.
I guess some people see suicide as a reaction people choose freely. I don't think that's always the case.
I think that, probably, most people generally don't kill themselves over one isolated incident of cruelty. But the thing that we are seeing with these incidents is that they are not isolated. Even when an individual incident is not itself part of a larger pattern of bullying directed at an individual (which is rare), it is *always* part of a larger cultural and political context, and therefore isn't really isolated. Repeated cruelty can be that underlying problem, can be that "constellation of stuff."
I was reading Paul Butler's reply, where he writes: "Clementi's bullies cruelly exploited that social prejudice [homophobia], but they did not cause it."
In these cases, I'm not sure where the line is, because the cruel exploitation of such social prejudices furthers and causes these social prejudices. If his roommate hadn't videotaped Clementi having sex and and shown it on the internet, that particular instance of "people who thought Clementi having sex was strange/disgusting/funny" wouldn't have been able to exist.
If the people who watched the video and found it strange/disgusting/funny hadn't been able to watch the video, would they have still had an opinion about Clementi's private sex life? Would they have expressed it to him? Possibly. But that opinion would not have formed from, or coalesced around, "an individual incident of watching Clementi having sex, against his expressed consent, for laughs."
Repeated cruelty can be that underlying problem, can be that "constellation of stuff."
Completely agreed.
"Clementi's bullies cruelly exploited that social prejudice [homophobia], but they did not cause it."
Cause it, no. Contribute to it, yes. His harassers bear a portion of responsibility, but blaming them entirely or even mostly lets the rest of society off the hook. Which is the LAST thing we need to do.
Re: Tyler Clementi...I spent the better part of the morning (uselessly) arguing with someone who basically told me on FB that he should have "fought back". With what, I asked. Because I mean, really...when you're that depressed and you feel like you have no allies, how exactly are you supposed to fight against something like that? This person then proceeded to tell me how they raised their kids to fight back, implicitly physically. Apparently I am a Bad Person for (a) not advocating this behavior as solution-oriented and (b) for choosing not to have children. Also, apparently (b) meant that I was not entitled to have an opinion about her opinion since I haven't raised a child myself.
Am staying out of discussions with idiots about Clementi, and not reading about it now, because it has me so upset and angry, and my blood pressure, on two meds, is 160/93, and last Thursday my (new) doctor gave me the lecture about avoidable stress. *sigh* I just... my first college semester was at a music school, where I first met people who were openly gay, and... I could've known him, 40+ years ago. All that talent, all that potential. And not just him. And... *backs carefully away from soapbox*
Am I being too intense lately? I feel so jazzed, but like this all must be really tiring to read.
No, not tiring, encouraging. Good to see. Several people I know are going through really rough things, and it's good to have something to balance it.
Well, right now it's just a demo that will be on a website that you can download and listen to. Then, it will hopefully turn into something live. There's been some good news and some plans made in response to that news today that will help bring that and D&J to life, so all involved are pretty psyched.
I just wanted to note that I had heard that there was evidence that this was ongoing harassment by his roommate--that there was more than one attempt at filming.
"Legally responsible for his death" is too vague for me here. Are you saying you believe they shouldn't be charged with manslaughter, or just with the hate crime penalty?
And, as a resident of Oakland, I have Oscar Grant on the brain. Just because we have an institutional problem with police violence doesn't mean that his killer should be (have been) let off the hook even an inch. I feel similarly here.
The parallel I am drawing isn't between lethal force vs. harassment and invasion of privacy. It's about two situations underpinned with the same type of social/institutional permissions. In the Grant case, permission for police to use possibly lethal force; in the other, for college students to harass their roommates for being gay.
I'm not sure that the two students should be charged with manslaughter, but I am absolutely positive it shouldn't be ruled out just because society as a whole is homophobic, too. Or, just because cops often shoot people doesn't mean Mehserle shouldn't've been convicted of a greater charge. Clearer now? If not, let's just move on.
My first reply in this thread was deeply imprecise, so I'm not surprised!
What I meant was, societal homophobia seems to be part of what made Clementi react to this incident the way he did. Ultimately, suicide is a choice on the part of the suicidal person, and it's a choice that's shaped by a lifetime of events. If Clementi had grown up in a society that told him, "It's perfectly fine that you're gay, and anyone who says otherwise is going to be quickly and severely punished by us," then this incident of harassment would have been hurtful but may have been easier to cope with.
Assuming, of course, that his suicide was related to this incident. Which we still don't know for sure, right? No note has been found? I think the conclusion that it was related is reasonable and very likely; just pointing out that we're making an educated guess rather than talking about something with solid evidence. Another reason a manslaughter charge doesn't make sense.
I don't think that it's a good idea to let "the rest of society off the hook," either--I agree with you that that's not the idea, that's not the idea at all. I was trying to figure out a line, if any, where I personally felt as if "contributing" might become "causing," and vice versa.
I've been ruminating hard on the Michigan ADA and the rash of suicides, albeit mostly in separate boxes.
The suicides are difficult, and I am angry about them, and I am frustrated with myself because "better" for me doesn't feel good enough for an It Gets Better right now. A lot of it is too close in some quiet places, if that makes sense. Spirit Day and some things the Ekklesia are doing help my own peace of mind, but there's a part of me that just wants permission to punch a lot of people in the teeth.
Re: the ADA, I think a lot of people are failing to parse where it's a Freedom of Speech issue (i.e. the blog) v. slander and/or defamation, and where it's a stalking and harassment issue (some of the things the ADA is doing in addition to the blog). I'm finding the lack of depth happening in that conversation really frustrating because it's got ramifications for anyone (not just bigoted douchebags) who blog and also work.
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Oh, but they're right. There is an underlying problem.
Societal homophobia.
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Can I just say, everything is coming up DAFFODILS right now. Seriously. Well, at least as far as creative endeavors go. The real world, not as much.
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Starting my "day" in much the same way, but am beating myself up much less than usual for it.
Right now, it's not raining. IT'S NOT RAINING. I've decided, among other things, to go out and take a walk. Soho is calling to me. I don't know why. But I listen when called.
::::nods::::: Yup, yup, yup. While I can't currently get to Soho, I *can* and will get to Highland Street and Elm Park here in Wormtown and *will* make myself leave the house. It is always good to listen when those voices call.
Am I being too intense lately? I feel so jazzed, but like this all must be really tiring to read.
Nah.
Yes, this is not a new phenomenon. Yes, it is disgusting that it is only being acknowledged now by the mainstream media like it's this year's shark attack, but it is vitally important than we keep the story alive, in hopes that that can engender change which will help keep kids alive.
And so much synchronicity with conversations I've had with my semi-daughter, who has actually finally vocalized at age 28 the thought that she does not know how she kept going in grammar school and high school, because she couldn't imagine at age 13 that she would EVER meet other people like her. [She met me at age 14 and started hanging out with Michael and me when she was in college.]
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And man, that brie was good though.
AND I KNOW.
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I read an interesting piece regarding Tyler Clementi over on Sepia Mutiny (http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/006341.html) which I really didn't know how to take. It irritated me that there was any kind of search for justification on the people who committed cyber-bullying and the other, is the social background of bullies something we need to take into account?
I'm inclined to say yes, but I still think the book should be thrown at them.
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I would LOVE to read it, though :)
Pretty please?
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Dear everybody who said that, maybe you need to wake up and actually be bullied just for being yourself. Although, actually, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy because it's completely awful, and I'm only just realising now that I should have reported what happened to me to my tutor and probably to the police. 17 years later.
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*AT AGE 13 OR 15 OR 19 I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT
Comment might be triggery re suicide
I have just had this debate with my consultant! She reckons that people can't withhold consent to be treated after an overdose, because once they lose consciousness they no longer have capacity to make that decision. I think that if they've made a statement to you that they don't want to be resuscitated, you have to abide by that. Suicide does not necessarily equal mental impairment, however much we as doctors might like to claim it does so we can stop people dying. Having to let someone die is awful, but I think if that really is their decision we really don't have any other option.
In practice, it won't be my decision for several years, and even then I would ring the Medical Protection Society and go 'aaargh' at them for legal/ethical guidance. But the conversation was good to have! It was one of those good debates where people listen to the other person's side.
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I really don't know what I should have done.
I'm actually quite worried that it might end up in my killing myself, 'cos seriously no-one needs blood-covered razer-blades as a fresher.
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I sure didn't, and I seriously doubt most other people DID.
Hell, some days now at age 45, I'm not sure I have that.
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OK, first? You don't know that. The roommate STILL could have taped him. Because it's not like straight 18 y.o. guys aren't possibly, oh I dunno, *shy and awkward* their first time having sex.
Second? Ah, so Clementi brought this on himself by being queer? Really?
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Yeah, I've been seeing that, too. I have to wonder if people who make that argument have never had anything seriously traumatic or upsetting happen to them, or just can't empathize with how others might react to something like that. I've had people whom I see as being very stable, who have never been diagnosed with depression or another mental illness, tell me that they wanted to die during especially upsetting times in their lives. It's not uncommon.
But even if Clementi did have a history of depression or suicidal thoughts, I don't see why that matters. If you mug someone who happens to have a weak heart, and they have a heart attack from the stress, you're not absolved just because they had an underlying condition. We have to accept the consequences of our actions.
I guess some people see suicide as a reaction people choose freely. I don't think that's always the case.
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I think that, probably, most people generally don't kill themselves over one isolated incident of cruelty. But the thing that we are seeing with these incidents is that they are not isolated. Even when an individual incident is not itself part of a larger pattern of bullying directed at an individual (which is rare), it is *always* part of a larger cultural and political context, and therefore isn't really isolated. Repeated cruelty can be that underlying problem, can be that "constellation of stuff."
I was reading Paul Butler's reply, where he writes: "Clementi's bullies cruelly exploited that social prejudice [homophobia], but they did not cause it."
In these cases, I'm not sure where the line is, because the cruel exploitation of such social prejudices furthers and causes these social prejudices. If his roommate hadn't videotaped Clementi having sex and and shown it on the internet, that particular instance of "people who thought Clementi having sex was strange/disgusting/funny" wouldn't have been able to exist.
If the people who watched the video and found it strange/disgusting/funny hadn't been able to watch the video, would they have still had an opinion about Clementi's private sex life? Would they have expressed it to him? Possibly. But that opinion would not have formed from, or coalesced around, "an individual incident of watching Clementi having sex, against his expressed consent, for laughs."
If nobody exploits a prejudice, does it exist?
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Completely agreed.
"Clementi's bullies cruelly exploited that social prejudice [homophobia], but they did not cause it."
Cause it, no. Contribute to it, yes. His harassers bear a portion of responsibility, but blaming them entirely or even mostly lets the rest of society off the hook. Which is the LAST thing we need to do.
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Uhm. My head is spinning.
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And not tiring - energizing.
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Am I being too intense lately? I feel so jazzed, but like this all must be really tiring to read.
No, not tiring, encouraging. Good to see. Several people I know are going through really rough things, and it's good to have something to balance it.
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Rehearsal was all kinds of awesome, seriously.
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And, as a resident of Oakland, I have Oscar Grant on the brain. Just because we have an institutional problem with police violence doesn't mean that his killer should be (have been) let off the hook even an inch. I feel similarly here.
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As for Oscar Grant, he was shot. That cop fired a gun at him with the intention of killing him. I really don't see the similarity.
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Again, I see a clear difference between using a lethal-force weapon on someone, and perpetrating an incident of harassment/invasion of privacy.
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I'm not sure that the two students should be charged with manslaughter, but I am absolutely positive it shouldn't be ruled out just because society as a whole is homophobic, too. Or, just because cops often shoot people doesn't mean Mehserle shouldn't've been convicted of a greater charge. Clearer now? If not, let's just move on.
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I am absolutely positive it shouldn't be ruled out just because society as a whole is homophobic, too
That's not why I'm in favor of ruling it out.
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(edited because wait, that didn't come out right.)
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What I meant was, societal homophobia seems to be part of what made Clementi react to this incident the way he did. Ultimately, suicide is a choice on the part of the suicidal person, and it's a choice that's shaped by a lifetime of events. If Clementi had grown up in a society that told him, "It's perfectly fine that you're gay, and anyone who says otherwise is going to be quickly and severely punished by us," then this incident of harassment would have been hurtful but may have been easier to cope with.
Assuming, of course, that his suicide was related to this incident. Which we still don't know for sure, right? No note has been found? I think the conclusion that it was related is reasonable and very likely; just pointing out that we're making an educated guess rather than talking about something with solid evidence. Another reason a manslaughter charge doesn't make sense.
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OK. As I said, I'm not sure I agree about the manslaughter charge, but I follow your logic.
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The suicides are difficult, and I am angry about them, and I am frustrated with myself because "better" for me doesn't feel good enough for an It Gets Better right now. A lot of it is too close in some quiet places, if that makes sense. Spirit Day and some things the Ekklesia are doing help my own peace of mind, but there's a part of me that just wants permission to punch a lot of people in the teeth.
Re: the ADA, I think a lot of people are failing to parse where it's a Freedom of Speech issue (i.e. the blog) v. slander and/or defamation, and where it's a stalking and harassment issue (some of the things the ADA is doing in addition to the blog). I'm finding the lack of depth happening in that conversation really frustrating because it's got ramifications for anyone (not just bigoted douchebags) who blog and also work.
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