Ugh, yes, I think it's still like that with vegetarianism and certain religious food observances in parts of Spain and France. I have a vegetarian friend who studied abroad in Spain and whose host mother would make her meals almost every day. My friend would occasionally find out that the soup had been made with meat stock or would accidentally bite into something with meat in in, and her host mother would just smile mysteriously and shrug about it. And my boyfriend doesn't eat pork because he's Muslim, and one of his colleagues in France (where we live now) told him that a dish that he (the colleague) was already eating was pork-free, despite the fact that when he (my boyfriend) bit into it, it clearly had lots of pork in it. That time, too, there was that smile and shrug and absolutely no apology. It's exactly like what you said, like it's not a big deal because it's not what they're used to. Even though it's a serious ethical choice, it's like people are waiting for the vegetarian/religious diner to realize that they haven't been struck by lightning, or that the dish is delicious, so it's totally ok to eat. It makes me angry.

So I can see how that attitude, if extended to people with allergies, could cause serious health hazards as well as inducing high levels of anger and frustration!