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Aug. 2nd, 2003 07:28 pmI often say in passing that acting or directing or whatever you're doing in this creative life is all about the control issues. I don't get into it, not because I'm joking, but because to me it seems both patently obvious and screamingly uncomfortable, and quite frankly, boring.
That said, I'm almost sure I've just have the day that makes people go "fuck this shit, I want to order all you desperate little hopefuls around."
It's hardly been the worst of my days an actor, but it was just filled with so much mundane irration, so much banality, so much complete and total lack of creativity that I just want to scream.
I don't feel I have to make great art -- there's a lot of very silly, entertaining and otherwise pointless stuff that I love, deeply. And I don't feel that stuff has to be entertaining to be thought provoking or otherwise valuable (my fondness for intellectually stimulating, deeply flawed or otherwise unwatchable films is pretty high -- e.g., A.I.) And I don't mind being ass broke, never getting enough sleep, or just doing it for the love. Not in the slightest. I love my ghetto supermarket with the toothless baggers who work only for tips. I love being in the struggle, not because being poor is cool, it's not, it sucks, but working hard to make it happen, to get by, to believe, feels fantastically good.
But if there's no love, no intellect, no money, no entertainment in something -- if I can't figure out it's reason for being and it seems quite clear no one else, including its creators, can either -- I just feel bludgeoned and sad and it makes me want to throw shoes at the wall. I want creative freedom and money and passion to make things happen and make things matter. I want people to tell stories because they need to be told. Art is often self-indulgent, and that's as it should be, but my god, let it be joyfully so.
People just lack so much imagination -- not in the stories they want to tell so much as the why, the what art is capable of, and to me, at it's best, art makes us remember we are lost, and looking for home. And having people snap their fingers at me and refuse to ask questions out of fear of looking stupid, is not where mine is.
That said, I'm almost sure I've just have the day that makes people go "fuck this shit, I want to order all you desperate little hopefuls around."
It's hardly been the worst of my days an actor, but it was just filled with so much mundane irration, so much banality, so much complete and total lack of creativity that I just want to scream.
I don't feel I have to make great art -- there's a lot of very silly, entertaining and otherwise pointless stuff that I love, deeply. And I don't feel that stuff has to be entertaining to be thought provoking or otherwise valuable (my fondness for intellectually stimulating, deeply flawed or otherwise unwatchable films is pretty high -- e.g., A.I.) And I don't mind being ass broke, never getting enough sleep, or just doing it for the love. Not in the slightest. I love my ghetto supermarket with the toothless baggers who work only for tips. I love being in the struggle, not because being poor is cool, it's not, it sucks, but working hard to make it happen, to get by, to believe, feels fantastically good.
But if there's no love, no intellect, no money, no entertainment in something -- if I can't figure out it's reason for being and it seems quite clear no one else, including its creators, can either -- I just feel bludgeoned and sad and it makes me want to throw shoes at the wall. I want creative freedom and money and passion to make things happen and make things matter. I want people to tell stories because they need to be told. Art is often self-indulgent, and that's as it should be, but my god, let it be joyfully so.
People just lack so much imagination -- not in the stories they want to tell so much as the why, the what art is capable of, and to me, at it's best, art makes us remember we are lost, and looking for home. And having people snap their fingers at me and refuse to ask questions out of fear of looking stupid, is not where mine is.
