obsess

I'm on the rag, and it tends to make me negatively obsessive. Today's obsessive is I mailed my job about where is my money (still owed half of November and all of December), and last week when I mailed I got a prompt update on the situation -- I mailed last night here, which means they've had a full work day to respond and they haven't yet.... oh no, what does this mean?

Well, truthfully, it probably means my boss is out meeting with or wooing clients, or that there's imanent information and so he's waiting to email me until that comes through... but as I'm menally unstable, obsess, obsess, obsess.

today is essentially the dress rehearsal of our performance tomorrow, and everyone seems to really like what we're doing, except the girl who needs to be convinced Lady Macbeth can have short hair.

Tonight I am eating at sushi-e I think. Last night I just had hummus and crackers from the IGA because I had to learn my lines. The night before I went to Una's an Austrian restaurant here that's something of an institution, but has the surliest watrons this side of NYC. Surlier even. So I'm glad I had that experience,but lord I don't need to repeat it.

(no subject)

Not much time and a bad keyboard. Will you all promise to shake me senseless if I return to NYC wanting to be a director? I have much more to say about this and why actors think like this and so forth, but I'm just saying.

Anyway, my scene rocks. And it's physical and messy and organic and intense and genuine. I really feel (despite having lots of insecurity attacks today) like I've become as formidble onstage as I am about my acting offstage. And we know what that's like.

I was talking about something or other today and someone asked me if I had a personal life. "This is my personal life," I said. "So no?" They replied. "No. Yes. This is my personal life. I don't have one the way you mean, but I've just as much and just a different sort of self-doubt."

I'm performing my scene twice tomorrow in two different spaces, then going to the final dress of Three Furies. Next week I'm seeing another Sewell play, going to The Eternity Man and some museums as well. Performing a scene from Closer a week from tomorrow as well, and I'll be doing on-camera work all next week.

Money money money is on its way to me on top of it all, and I feel worthy of being here finally, and bold. Madness is afoot.

I also had one really terrible day in voice, but that I only had one is fairly impressive considering my issues. Today we did hip-hop in movement, and then my scene partner and I sat around and had this bizarre conversation that eventually wound up with him acting out all the parts in a Bollywood Macbeth. It was brilliant because there was _nothing_ NOTHING I could say to make it funnier, more on point or more inappropriate. It was just so self-contained in its pure evilness, it was delightful.

A few days ago amongst me and some people in the studio:

girl1: "You know the Emu and the Kangaroo are on our coat of arms because they can't walk backwards."
me: "I knew there was a reason I came to your country."
boy1: "Because the animals on our coat of arms are stupid?"
girl1: "Or because we eat them?"

Phone Post: a perfect night