rawr

I just beat two auditions into submission, got a callback for one (the _paying_ one) on the spot, and impressed the hell out of the others (which is nice since I had the misfortune of doing a monologue from the play they're doing, but I didn't know until I got there) -- which was really intimidating as there were like 8 auditors. I figure I may get a callback there too.

First audition (that I got a callback for) had a monologue and then an improv -- I was a hurricaine chaser and had to propose marriage. One of the auditors responds with "look if this is just a rebound thing to get laid before you die..." and I say "if I were trying to get laid, I'd just jump you." Go me.

Rawr.

RAWR, I say.

And.... and... Australia grocery place _finally_ has the lime and black pepper crisps in stock. So I just ordered oodles of them, as I've been waiting on them for months. Also Vovos, Anzac biscuits and Milo bars.

i know it's just the war

I'm walking home with a sack of groceries, and as I pass down a block I pass down several times a day every day a man from a group of people hanging out there takes a handful of change out of his pocket, shakes it like dice and then pours it out on the ground. $1.37, but reading the results he informs me, "The signs say you will always have that ugly, retarded face and there is nothing you can do about it." The people he is with, of mixed gender and race, and all between the ages of about 20 and 35, laugh. I ignore it, and try tell myself it's just the war, not the one in Iraq, but the one that happens every day in New York about gentrification, race and money. I know half my neighborhood hates the other half and vice versa, but mostly, we all keep it to ourselves, except when things get out of hand like in the blackout or when the buildings come down.

It's hard for me to be surprised by these things. It's a rare day when someone doesn't call me ugly. Isn't that strange? It may be a rare day when someone doesn't call you ugly too, you just might not be as tuned in on the streets. Or maybe I'm just lucky.

Sometimes, I think it's because I don't have a modern face. It's such a throwback, the issue isn't that I'm not an MTV hottie, but that I look like someone who should have died decades or centuries ago. Maybe people see me and recognize the dead, and in their fear of mortality declare my features sin.

I wonder about things like that all the time. Strange mystical reimaginings of the casually cruel world. I also wonder sometimes if we hate the Arab world because they gave us the zero. Perhaps we do not see a revolution in math, an efficiency in accounting but an entire people that innovated the language of numbers solely so that we would at long last be able to name our worthlessness.

All of this though just underlines the reasons I don't do so well in the world. I think there's some sort of sublime artfulness under all the random hate and it makes me oblivious, both to the sheer bludgeoning stupidity of it all and of course the fact that I may indeed be ugly.

coconut ice v.3

I think I just ruined a pot. And a knife. Yield: O grams coconut ice.

That recipe would be "no."