Underworld 2

the story of how and why I went to see this is too long and stupid to go into right now. I must, however, note that I did not see Underworld 1, and was perhaps, although perhaps not, at a disadvantage. This said, I would like to make the following notes, in no particular order:

1. It's a vampire movie. Why the hell were the costumes phoned in?
2. So there's this sex scene, and we have a shot of the back of her catsuit getting unzipped. But wait, now we have a shot of the front of her catsuits getting unzipped, and the back doesn't have a zipper. Wha?
3. This is a lame trashy movie and I don't even get to see Kate Beckinsdale's nipples? What's up with that?
4. Hey, that preview for V for Vendetta looked pretty good, yeah?
5. Why are they in Russia?
6. Why are they speaking French?
7. Wow, that helicopter has the greatest gas mileage ever.
8. Heh, dude in the monastary!
9. This whole boat thing is just dumb.
10. Oh, wait, that dude's the same as the ugly thing with wings! Oh! Wait, actually, that clears absolutely nothing up for me, how about you?
11. Wow, her stomach is really really flat.
12. And that sex scene is almost hot until you realize how _not_ lining up anything is. Yeah, whatever.
13. Oh random cut away to another location where ... wait, nothing interesting is happening, and none of it will be important later. hey, back to the movie!
14, aparently when a helicopter falls through a rope bridge and severs it, some sort of bizarre force (called suckitude) allows the bridge not to collapse.
15. Heh, that dude on that horse died twice, in the exact same way. Oh wait, they reused the same footage 20 seconds apart. Hello, editor, there's a glitch in teh matrix.
16. o/~ there is a castle on a cloud o/~