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So I had this fucked up dream last night that I thought would seem funnier later. Um, it doesn't. It's actually all I could think about all day. For those of you who read it, and don't know my ex- the depths of my disturbance about it probably make a lot less sense, but it's just had my skin crawling all day.
A lot of it had to do with the rights to stories. A lot of it also had to do with the idea that sometimes people take offense when they're not offended solely to gain political advantage. And that people often want it both ways in the name of confusion to the enemy. And that sometimes people refuse to acnowledge who you are, if you're not who they want you to be.
He thought it was deeply offensive and rude for me to ever mention him -- good, bad or neutral. Because all mentions of another human involved implication.
For example, I could not say:
We went to dinner.
This implied we were a couple.
I could not say:
Michael and I went to dinner.
This implied I was trading off of his name in some way.
I could not say:
Michael had dinner with me.
This implied that he was bestowing favour or approval.
I could not convey my world to others in any conceivable way without earning his wrath. And um, it was batshit. And I was utterly complicit in it.
At any rate, the dream is perfectly clear in its issues to me, every detail every bit of casting makes perfect sense. But dear god. What strikes me so strongly though is the line "I went looking, because you kept raising the stakes." As awful as the dream was, to me this moment implies that I've always had a lot of power I've often been unaware of, and that underestimation of myself makes trouble as much as anything else.
Anyway, horrid thing, but I'm glad I had it.
The damn stage combat people haven't called me back yet. The travel situation is massive amounts of wacked out logistical stress and the pattern for my Regency dress came. It looks very simple, and I may well wind up with more than one. 'Cause I can. I'm really having problems with a color scheme for the formal one though.
Tonight: MI-5 and/or Love Actually and the Jack & Bobby premier is running again.
Tomorrow: Passport. And then... Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
A lot of it had to do with the rights to stories. A lot of it also had to do with the idea that sometimes people take offense when they're not offended solely to gain political advantage. And that people often want it both ways in the name of confusion to the enemy. And that sometimes people refuse to acnowledge who you are, if you're not who they want you to be.
He thought it was deeply offensive and rude for me to ever mention him -- good, bad or neutral. Because all mentions of another human involved implication.
For example, I could not say:
We went to dinner.
This implied we were a couple.
I could not say:
Michael and I went to dinner.
This implied I was trading off of his name in some way.
I could not say:
Michael had dinner with me.
This implied that he was bestowing favour or approval.
I could not convey my world to others in any conceivable way without earning his wrath. And um, it was batshit. And I was utterly complicit in it.
At any rate, the dream is perfectly clear in its issues to me, every detail every bit of casting makes perfect sense. But dear god. What strikes me so strongly though is the line "I went looking, because you kept raising the stakes." As awful as the dream was, to me this moment implies that I've always had a lot of power I've often been unaware of, and that underestimation of myself makes trouble as much as anything else.
Anyway, horrid thing, but I'm glad I had it.
The damn stage combat people haven't called me back yet. The travel situation is massive amounts of wacked out logistical stress and the pattern for my Regency dress came. It looks very simple, and I may well wind up with more than one. 'Cause I can. I'm really having problems with a color scheme for the formal one though.
Tonight: MI-5 and/or Love Actually and the Jack & Bobby premier is running again.
Tomorrow: Passport. And then... Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.