sundries

[rm]

- One week doctor's check for my mom went fine. She meets with the oncologist November 5 to discuss what's next. More on the rest of the family drama later.

- Pumpkins in central park tomorrow then we're off to the OTW party. Sunday, a screening of Dan in Real Life. All else is work and laundry.

- Heard I would hear from Philcon two nights ago. Have heard nothing. Debating how motivated I am to care.

- I'm so used to and comfortable with the formal presentation/paper submission process for HP stuff. Getting on programming at more generalized cons isn't as comfy for me, as it feels less structured/formal.

- My foot is getting better. Too bad I now have a glass splinter in my other foot.

- The cats, they are fat.

- The Patty, she is warm. The living room, not so much. Did the dark of the year really used to be my favorite? What the hell was I thinking?

- I have gluten free donuts.

- Leaky Lounge finally froze all the appalling Dumbledore gay-debate threads, much to my relief, despite the fact that yes, I was helping to keep them going.

- My most mundane job is full of scandal today. Harassment! International intrgue!

- I feel okay today. Better than I have in a week, possibly two. So many I'm getting my whatever back. I'm looking forward to cleaning the house and just being present this weekend.

- So I sent my lease renewal in CERTIFIED MAIL and the post office says they got it, and they say they didn't get it, so Megan and I have to go over there in a bit to sign the lease and give them the added security. Class A annoying, but at least I got the bill for next months rent and the lease is getting renewed and all that, but the hell?

- Sometimes I feel like I never had a childhood, as I have no friends left from it and haven't since almost immediately after it was over. I don't think about it often, but when I do, I realize it's a thing that plagues me. To be an only child is often to live a life entirely free of confirmation of your own history. My nature has compounded that, and I've behaved badly recently and in the past because of it. I suppose most of us actually do most things because of a fear that we will have never existed otherwise, but oh, I wish it was not so obvious to me.

- Dreading the time change.

- This is long.

Comments

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

- Sometimes I feel like I never had a childhood, as I have no friends left from it and haven't since almost immediately after it was over. I don't think about it often, but when I do, I realize it's a thing that plagues me. To be an only child is often to live a life entirely free of confirmation of your own history. My nature has compounded that, and I've behaved badly recently and in the past because of it. I suppose most of us actually do most things because of a fear that we will have never existed otherwise, but oh, I wish it was not so obvious to me.

Wordy McWord.

I often feel as though I have no history prior to the age of eleven for precisely this reason. Yes, I have siblings, but the next oldest one went away to college when I was 8, and I never lived with the rest. The only friend I have from any reach of childhood is now one of my roommates. Otherwise, most of the friends I'm close with, I met six years ago, if not more recently.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

I suppose most of us actually do most things because of a fear that we will have never existed otherwise...

Wow. Was that the sound of a hammer hitting a nail? I think it was. Thanks, I needed that.

[ashabeth.livejournal.com]

I have no friends from grade school or high school... I don't think I am even in contact with people I went to college with.

Ya it is odd isnt it...

Sighs.

Oh well... I am a much different person than I was back those years.

[featherofeeling.livejournal.com]

To be an only child is often to live a life entirely free of confirmation of your own history.

I've been thinking a lot about this since my aunt, the eldest sibling of four, passed away unexpectedly last year. My father and his siblings have so much history binding them together. They affirm and re-create it whenever there's a family dinner and perform their identities based on it. At my aunt's funeral and at family gatherings since, she's been very much present in the room, bound to this world by the ties of memory to her siblings, of imprints in the siblings' personalities that will always be there just because of the fact that she existed. It was a lonely funeral for me, though, because I was sitting with my much-older half brother and observing this. While we get along, there's very little common history between us, and for the most part we exist entirely outside of one another. There's not as much grounding in oneself to that, not many opportunities to re-affirm my own history or perform my older self to preserve continuity. It's a precarious way of relating to the world, in my opinion.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes I feel like I never had a childhood, as I have no friends left from it and haven't since almost immediately after it was over. I don't think about it often, but when I do, I realize it's a thing that plagues me. To be an only child is often to live a life entirely free of confirmation of your own history. My nature has compounded that, and I've behaved badly recently and in the past because of it. I suppose most of us actually do most things because of a fear that we will have never existed otherwise, but oh, I wish it was not so obvious to me."

I am nodding in agreement, and also wish to observe that even as one of several children, it's possible to have little (more than an only child, but scant amounts) confirmation of your own history, if your family has certain Received Truths, and your reality doesn't match them.

(I met my oldest -- and still closest, apart from Soren -- friend around 1976; there is little to nothing before that that hasn't been denied/negated at one point or another, in order to maintain the Received Truths about the family... but that's another long comment/set of questions that I might want to bounce off you at some point.)