when gay celebrities attack, tonight at 11!

[rm]

So Lindsay Lohan is dating a woman and Clay Aiken acknowledges he's gay and most people just seem to be making snarky comments about how obvious all that was before the announcements. And how boring.

And I wish I could agree. Because while neither are celebrities I care about and both pieces of news are things I find unremarkable, it matters tremendously that in the face of long-term and very loud speculation (especially in Aiken's case) the people involved felt they couldn't or shouldn't say anything.

That sucks. It sucks whether it's self-hatred or career preservation, advice from friends or concern over issues of family. And so while no one is surprised that Aiken's gay, it does matter a lot that he's come out. Just as it matters a lot that Lohan has acknowledged her relationship.

Because these are desperately normal celebrities that desperately normal people, who might be the sorts of people who believe they don't even know any gay people, adore. And I don't care who you are or how much the world's been talking about it -- coming out is always scary, especially if you have to do it in People or on CNN.

So dial down the snark a bit, folks. You may not like their creative work or think much of their public personas, but they're doing the work of living life under circumstances more fucked up than any of us can imagine. I was older than both of them when I came out to my parents. So aside from being richer and thinner, today I've got to acknowledge, obvious or no, a couple of celebs being just a bit braver than me too.

Give the kids a break for a day. They deserve it.

Comments

[afterthree.livejournal.com]

Here, here.

My uncle is 45, and everyone in the family knows he's gay and that his room mate isn't just his room mate, but he's never come out and no one ever talks about it, and it just makes me incredibly sad to think he can't be completely himself with his own family.

[ithinkitisayit.livejournal.com]

Have you ever tried telling him the family knows and loves him anyway?

[tlatzomia.livejournal.com]

Although I wasn't shocked by the Clay news, I'm glad for him for coming out to the public. It really is a brave thing to do.

[starkyld.livejournal.com]

You make some very good points here. Thank you for writing this.

[tru2myart.livejournal.com]

*nods and gives a yeah that*

I'm still unclear about Lindsey but I was a follower of Clay's when he first became popular on Idol and even then, even though it was obvious to everyone who was a fan, he hid his relationships when everyone else was free to love as they chose. I met his Mom once and, nice Southern lady that she was, I got the feeling that she was one of the reasons he kept it hidden. Personally I think she would have accepted it even then but, being as young as he was at the time, I don't know that he believed it. He came from a strong Christian home within a strong Christian community and being gay was considered a sin.

I think sometimes people forget the struggle that's still going on in the midst of the sensationalism.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

Lohan is dating a woman who is much older than her, and for ages now has been saying they are just best friends. Today she acknowledged (perhaps hoping to be lost in the heat of the Aiken thing, or hoping for celeb solidarity) that they've been dating "for a long time."

She did not state her orientation in the admission, which is why I didn't speculate. The label is also secondary. I like that it's not just celebs coming out these days. Aiken came out. Lohan talked about someone she loves. These are different acts and help to show the world nuance in affectional identities. Makes me happy.

[mizg.livejournal.com]

What I really liked was Aiken's reason for coming out:
"I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

Of course we all knew it. But what's important is that he came out, on his own, without being forced, and answered a question he didn't have to answer (he's entitled to his privacy), because he wanted to raise his child to be honest and true to himself. And nobody can argue with that. Well, nobody with a brain cell.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Also! Famous gay celebrities with kids is good for the discussion.

[tommx.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm hoping that Lindsey being out will mean that she'll be less self destructive in the future and go back to doing some quality work. I think she's very talented, and that has been overshadowed by a lot of her personal issues.

And good for both of them really.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

[coriander.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with you. I think it's brave that he is going public, and I think it's great that he was able to do it in his own time. So what if people speculated? I mean, that's what the whole "coming out" process is about.

[drfardook.livejournal.com]

The more People Magazine friendly celebrities that come out of the closet the more "normal" it will be for middle america. I'm all for it.

The timing is probably better for them this way. They have enough of a name on their own where it hopefully won't be Clay Aiken, That Gay Guy From That Idol Show for the rest of his career... and life.

[lllvis.livejournal.com]

Because these are desperately normal celebrities that desperately normal people, who might be the sorts of people who believe they don't even know any gay people, adore.

Hmm...okay. Other than the sentiment you express is that line, I always regarded a celebrity coming out as non-news. It's not my business and it doesn't affect me one way or another. But your point is well placed in how it affects those 'sorts of people', and hopefully for the better.

[drinkingcocoa.livejournal.com]

I LOVE that Lindsay Lohan has come out about her relationship. My four-year-old saw a picture of the couple in People magazine and I explained that they are girlfriends. Later she saw Heidi Klum kissing a model on Project Runway ("sorry, that means you're out") and asked, "Are they girlfriends?" No, just saying bye, I replied. "Oh." Perfectly casual. My four-year-old knows that she's allowed to marry a woman someday if she wants.

"Sorry, that means you're out"

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

Given the context, I think it's perfectly understandable that I was totally confused by this remark.;D

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

I'll admit, I haven't had a proper coming out to most of my friends.

One of my friends put it best.....When a girl meets someone for the first time and is straight it's not like she walks up and says HI I like to sleep with MEN! So why on earth would it be natural for me to walk up and announce my sexual orientation?

But I live with my girlfriend, we kiss and hold hands in front of our friends, if they get it, great, if not? Dude, I'm just really...umm...friendly with her. *grin*

I'll admit, I back ended around my mother....gave her the tour of my house, she asked which room I slept in, I said we could talk about that later (I didn't have a CLUE how she'd cope being quite the back waters redneck), a week later she called and said "So, that thing you said we'd talk about later...." I flubbered a lot and she said "You are sleeping with L, SO??? Was there anything Important you needed me to know?" I was quite floored and we've been a merry family ever since.

I'm glad to know I come from good people even if I didn't trust her at first to be.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

Yay mom!

[thunderemerald.livejournal.com]

::applause::

Yes. This.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

You know, I actually considered posting something about this. Especially because, while I don't like Lohan and Aiken's stuff all that much, these are people who are highly visible and have big, mainstream audiences.

It is a big deal. It's wonderful and exciting that they're coming out, and terribly sad that they couldn't just be out.

I've never understood the snark. A bit of good matured "duh!" might not go amiss in Aiken's case, but still.

[holdouttrout.livejournal.com]

I'm only aware of both on the sort of the fringe of my normal celeb circle--I recognize but know little about either of them. I'm also pretty divorced from the mainstream reaction to celebs these days, and in that sense, it barely registered as an issue to me.

You make good points about it being an issue to a lot of people, though. Thanks.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Go right ahead.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Remarkably, a lot of women on Clay's fan club b-board are shocked, and some are no longer fans. I hope that once the surprise wears off, they can grasp that he's still the same guy they enjoyed. (And the likelihood that he will date any of them is about the same as it ever was, but that's snarky.)

I'm sort of pleased that hardly anyone in the media (that I've seen) is much excited about the McCain staffer.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Re: the McCain staffer -- think that's because we've gotten used to the gay or used to the Republican hypocrisy?

[edith-jones.livejournal.com]

What you said about the people that adore People like Lindsay Lohan and Clay Aiken: my son goes to a district school in what is a rural/semi rural area of Ontario. The insults that are meted out in his school are "you are so gay" and "you are so jewish". We've talked about both, and I've told my son that I am not acting upon my bisexuality but that I did so at one time, and that everyone who used that insult was hurting me and other people like me. It stopped. We're now working on the Jewish one. [It just started a week or so ago.] I think that having younger celebs coming out so publicly might be a good thing for narrow-minded youth who see gay people as stereotypes and not three-dimensional normal people like themselves.
BTW, your post was excellent and well worth reading. Thanks for making your point so well.

"you are so jewish".

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

Wow. You just completely creeped out a life long Albertan.;-(

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

I haven't read any of the other comments, so forgive me if I'm repeating something up there.

Yes! And they're both in a business which relies heavily on public perception. It's damn brave.

[shay-writes.livejournal.com]

*blushes*

*deletes recent post*

I never thought about it this way. My snark was directed more toward the media than the person.

I see this kind of stress every day as my son struggles to conceal his sexual orientation. I have argued with him that it's harmful to try to be something you're not. He's convinced all his friends will hate him if they know the truth. So he shields himself with "girlfriends" while crushing on his closest guy friend. and my heart breaks.

Thank you for reminding me about the obvious.

*hugs*

Great post!

[lakme.livejournal.com]

For the record, I didn't snark Clay. I snarked his idiot fans who claimed that he was straight, even after he conceived via artificial insemination with his 50 year old 'dear friend'. I just don't get how anyone can be that willingly blind.

[mizg.livejournal.com]

Also, in truly awesome gay celebrities and their truly awesome work:

Sir Ian McKellen is, as always, AWESOME

[rm.livejournal.com]

Delightful article. Unfortunately the reader comments make me want to scream.

[magnetgirl.livejournal.com]

I agree. I was really rooting for the whole Joan Jett/Carmen Electra thing to bear out, because you just KNOW those girls would have to come out as bi, and we need more of those in the mainstream. And really, who could fuck with Joan Jett anyway?

[rm.livejournal.com]

I have an ex that slept with Joan Jett.