frustrated and scared

[rm]

Tonight we got the big speech in acting class about how level two is by invitation only. It's rare I get out of there without feeling a bit mind-fucked, not by the emotionally relevatory process of the work, but by the logistical quirks of Atlantic. It's all very sorority pledging or BDSM-ish or something. And what's weird is that when I was a sorority pledge I was the calmest person on earth, I never took any of it to heart, just neutrally moved through the process. This on the other hand is making me INSANE. Of course, the stakes are different, and _I'm_ different. So I'm trying hard not to obsess. No matter what happens I want more training and more training at places besides Atlantic. Either way, I'll make my way.