rm ([personal profile] rm) wrote2003-04-23 02:16 am

(no subject)

It's past 2am and I just got home from opera rehearsal.

If I were the sort of person to dedicate myself to any one thing, in a pure and simple way, it would be opera. At least it feels that way right now. I've just never had an experience like I did today, working hard on the stage doing some wiring stuff, listening to our musicians play (we have a harpsichord!) and our wonderful singers, half in costume and half in mundane clothes work with them. It was just so soothing, and right and I mean, come on -- opera -- they're all always about monsters, stalkers and/or dead girls. It's just so great. Also, the death scenes. Oh My God. Love love love.

I'm also up for a serious, full-time, well paid SM position. So we'll see what happens. Fingers crossed. Good thoughts always welcome.

And, picked up Sands of Ammon -- blew through 40 pages during down-time today. Am increasingly disturbed by it. As a young child, I had something of a crush on Alexander. As a late teen I made an immense nuisance of myself at my University by doing a controversial paper on him, that in retrospect was probably about antagonizing people as much as anything else. Right now, I'm having a very role model sort of thing going on. Interestingly, less for the ambition than for the odd combination of hedonism and asceticism in his life. It's a trait in mine I've not often found cause to recognize elsewhere.

Okay, the screen is waving about in front of my eyes, I'm going to get some rest.

[identity profile] heron61.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
I'm also up for a serious, full-time, well paid SM position.

Best of luck with this, I'll light a green candle for you.

Right now, I'm having a very role model sort of thing going on. Interestingly, less for the ambition than for the odd combination of hedonism and asceticism in his life. It's a trait in mine I've not often found cause to recognize elsewhere.

Hmm, hedonism and asceticism, that sounds about right for what I know of you - definitely not a bad role model.

Okay, the screen is waving about in front of my eyes, I'm going to get some rest.

Sleep well, I just finished a full day of deeply annoying editing, and will also sleep soon.

[identity profile] rm.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 08:33 am (UTC)(link)
No, not at all, although I was stewing a bit last night that it would be easier to craft my own mythos if there was a single woman I could think of that I could admire in actions, flair and faults, and there just isn't. I mean, my god, I think of men, and I come up with Alexander and I think of women, and I come up with Dorthy Parker? It hardly seems fair.

I think one of the reasons these books are grabbing me so hard (despite a lot of serious oddities and annoyances in them that I think mostly come from translation and cultural issues) is that they're new -- the first one came out at least five years after my academic fixation, and there really hasn't been a lot of well known material in terms of history or historical fiction that I haven't read on the subject. So it's new, and not entirely easy to integrate -- had they been out when I was fighting with my program in college, they would have made my fight a little harder, but I don't think they could have been just in terms of our cultural attitudes. Also I know exactly how I would have spun it. Heh. So weird to be revisiting that damn paper in my mind. I'm really wondering now if I still have a copy of it anywhere.

I just actually typed out this passage to send to someone, because it jumped out at me so clearly, on a number of levels:


"He certainly knows how to act the part," exclaimed Callisthenes from their corner of the camp.

"You think so?"

"There's no doubt about it. He doesn't believe in the myths and legends anymore than you or I do, but he behaves as if they were more real than reality itself. This is how he demonstrates to his men that dreams are possible."

"It's as though you knew him like the back of your hand," said Ptolemy, his voice full of sarcasm.

"I have learned to observe men, and not just nature."

"In that case, you should be aware that no one can ever claim to know Alexander. His actions are there for everyone to see, but they are not predictable, and neither is it always possible to understand their deeper significance. He believes and he doesn't believe at the same time, he is capable of great expressions of love and of uncontrollable rage, he is...."

"What?"

"Different. I met him for the first time when I was six years old, and I still cannot say I truly know him."

[identity profile] heron61.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 12:21 pm (UTC)(link)
I'd love to see a copy of your Alexander paper.

Wrt the quote about Alexander - I dearly hope you do not take this wrong, but you also have managed to create a similar (albeit smaller) mythic aura about yourself and your life - a rare and precious achievement in these overly-mundane times.

[identity profile] rm.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 12:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Not taking it wrong at all.
I lie awake at night worrying it's not big enough.
Really.

And I wonder why I drive people bugfuck, ya know?

[identity profile] janoux.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 08:16 am (UTC)(link)
much luck to you, darling.

i have always loved the opera and i am so glad that you *get* it.

much love and see you *soon*

[identity profile] rm.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 08:40 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you.

It's like one of those things where I'm like -- why didn't someone sit me down and make me understand this sooner. And musically I probably wouldn't have at a younger age -- but the fucking Drama of it. Like, it's perfect, just perfect for me! Of course, we're in a opera being young and vibrant moment right now, and I might not be getting it if that we're going on.

Anyway, we're getting kicked out of the theater tonight at like 7, so if you want to talk (I know you've been trying to get a hold, I've just not been answering the phone) call this evening is you can.

Re:

[identity profile] janoux.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 09:06 am (UTC)(link)
i don't get home from work until about 1015-1030, will you still be up?

Re:

[identity profile] janoux.livejournal.com 2003-04-23 09:18 am (UTC)(link)
awesome...talk to you then