Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 4

[rm]

Ianto Jones was a brave little toaster.

*sniff*

But seriously guys, that was exquisite. EXQUISITE. And I have to say sorry in advance, because my ability to post both cogently and non-personally about this is pretty much nil.

Eventually, this was going to have to happen. We all knew that and most of us hoped it wouldn't happen until a theoretical season 4. But knowing it would have to happen, I always had certain criteria for it in my head: I wanted it to be a moment, I wanted it to echo the themes of the show and I wanted it to be true to the characters. I wanted it to be a fine thing and very, very mono no aware ("the beauty of sadness"),

It delivered on all of those things in spades, and I am so so so glad. Ianto Jones was never going to have a long life, but I wanted him to have a complete one. I feel like he went out knowing he was loved (regardless of Jack's inability to say it, which annoyed me for a second, and then I was like WHATEVER) and trusting those around him even if he had never quite learned to trust himself. If I had had to kill him in that format at that point in the story, this was exactly what I would have done as a writer.

And as someone who did 200,000 words leading up to a Ianto death? Man, I almost broke in half when Jack said "don't go." Two lousy words, but to hear it outloud was pretty crazy.

Anyway, let's talk about something other than the death scene for a moment, because it was all great: the 1965 stuff ("we need someone who doesn't care"); Jack blurting about his family (all the Jack/Ianto relationship development in this was just made of love for me and felt very true and like a full life); Lois standing up; the long epic montage of trapped dying people to music (something I'm sort of a sucker for -- I know the bleakness of the show is getting to people on top of Ianto's death, but it's actually the anchor that's allowing me to cope right now); the discussion of children as units, and again, finally, the use of silence.

Look, on a personal note, I just gotta say, it's (as I suspected) a billion times worse when the love interest of the character you identify with bites it than when the character you identify with bites it. The Snape thing was nothing compared to the fetal in a ball on my bed crying after this. Jesus. And you can laugh at me all you want, but if my partner, who is not a Torchwood fan, is chill with that, y'all need to just be nice about it, okay?

So hey, some other things:

- wiggle room -- I don't think Ianto is going to be brought back to life in Day 5 (it's a possible for a possible S4, I'd argue), but I also don't think he's going to be buried. There are still avenues to go with writing him post this event -- many, and that's great; I am still totally engaged in this fandom.

- We still don't really know what the 456 want with these kids. What if these are the same horrible creatures that destroyed Boeshane Penninsula, just 3,000 years earlier? How great an idea is that?

- Keeping this secret was clearly a really big pain in the ass and probably emotionally hard on the people who had to contractually keep this a secret. I don't have the time or energy to write a big angry post about this, but laying into James Moran about it (which has happened today) is uncool; so's laying into GDL (which I haven't seen yet, but suspect I will) and so's laying into Barrowman (of which I've seen scads). These people didn't say us fans would love the show to jerk us around and be cruel, they said it beccause the show is exquisite and romantic and happens to include this awful death which works for some people into Jack/Ianto and feels like a betrayal to others. Be angry, be a critic, but please don't ascribe nefarious motives to folks that Make Nice Stuff. I find it kinda heartbreaking (and my heart is already broken enough right now, thanks), and I bet they don't enjoy it much either.

- Euros Lyn is the most amazing director ever. How the hell is he getting these performances out of people? I can't mention my respect for him enough here.

Anyway, it was lovely, guys. And now I want to tell you a story:

When the sixth Hary Potter book (which contains a particularly crazy Snape cliffhanger situation) came out, I was just starting rehearsals of a play with a girl who I'd been in a show with several years before when book 4 had come out. We hadn't kept in touch particularly, but we had talked about Snape constantly back during that earlier show. On the first day of rehearsal, which was a day or two after the book 6 release, she buzzed to get into our space and I went to fetch her. when I opened the door, before she even said hello to me, she grabbed me and hugged me and asked "are you okay?"

I didn't need her to do that, but I will never forget it, because it's one of the kindest things anyone has ever done in reponse to the way I live with the power of story.

So just, you know, be nice to each other today, okay?

P.S., I'm sort of toying with, when I go to get some much needed touch-up work done on one of my old tattoos, getting a new one, that just says "be grand" in script. We'll see.

Comments

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

My brain is still plugging away on this whole thing. I think I've committed to a no-meta policy until I've seen Day Five.

But fuck. Just...fuck.

[rm.livejournal.com]

But you're still with us either on or off canon right?

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I don't think you could get rid of me if you tried.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

Really.

Because the other thing I feel like people are missing with all of this (and sure, not everyone had this experience, but I had it with HP too, and I've learned a lot from it) is that we've all had a narrative arc here too in terms of our relationships with the show and each other.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I was never properly of the Potter fandom, but I read the books with insane fervor once I caught onto them. I dressed up for book release parties, I took days off to read them all in one go.

Sirius Black fucking gutted me. I cried, quietly and alone, for a week. It was the same way I cried over Wash, and how I cried over Tosh and Owen.

Hell, I re-watched all of Torchwood over 4th of July weekend and sobbed quietly in my writing office for half an hour at the end of that.

So this aches. It hurts terribly much, but I can't say it's wrong because I don't write the canon. I consume it, take it in, and then make more stories from it. I am more for it, and have made some amazing friends because of it.

Part of me wants, stubbornly, to prove that losing Ianto isn't enough to make me go away. I found the whole thing sort of absurd after Tosh and Owen -- how people got angry and petitioned and ran away -- because that isn't how stories work.

I'm not going to flounce because the writers made what they felt was the best choice. That's senseless. I'm going to enjoy the thing for what it is and then work from there. What shape that takes remains to be seen.

Until then, I maintain that the placeholder for Day Four in my brain is 58 minutes of Andy Davidson rolling around in blueberry pie, and that the Miracle of Saint Lifty shall be producing martinis for an entire fandom out of half a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and a bottle of dry vermouth. The olives shall appear as if by magic, and the fandom will be consoled in its time of darkness.

We may need wet wipes to clear up after all the porn.