Torchwood, Children of Earth: Day 5

[rm]

One again, apologies for this, because I can't write this and not make it very personal, since I'm writing it through tears. Last night I at least waited until they had abated somewhat.

I don't find stories compelling if I don't see myself in them; they are not things that happen to other people, and it's this experience of the world that allows me to do what I do professionally and has also brought me pretty much every person I'm close to, as much as it has also estranged me from people I once would have been close to, my family among.

It's worth noting the last character I identified with, before Jack, was Severus Snape. And it's been strange, super fucking strange, being in this fandom and the whole Jack thing and finally getting to identify with someone who isn't just ugly, and odd. It's been so strange for me, a slight girl, at the end of the day. I learned how to be handsome here.

And it just feels strange, with the next Harry Potter movie coming out in a week, the one where Snape keeps saying he's not a coward, to have watched this just now. I feel broken-hearted and a little ashamed. But it feels right, too. Not just in terms of the story, but in terms of me.

But let's talk about the story, okay?

For me, really, this was like a long denoument, and after everyone freaking out on the Internet today, honestly I thought it was going to be even darker and worse than it was, and that is maybe a story I'll write for you at some point, because it's actually sort of amazing, and I have to assume the creative team floated it and pulled back to this.

I also have to assume that this was executed not with, as people continue to suggest (and please, don't do this around me for a little bit, I find it very hard), contempt for the fans, but perhaps contempt for the BBC. I can't help but suspect they were told that only ratings that were impossible to achieve would result in a renewal and so they set out to create something that would get those impossible ratings and then, in turn, be nearly impossible to renew. If this is the case, I salute you fuckers, it's mad, and I respect it.

Over all, I thought episodes 2 and 4 were the best -- both achieving 10s for me, while the others were about a seven or an eight. I was, throughout, moved by the staggering use of sound and silence and pauses, and everyone's performances were the best we've seen from them over the course of the series, and all the guest stars were amazing.

I thought, I could write a cogent review now, had a couple of paragraphs there without tears, but I feel so awful for Jack and so ashamed of him on Ianto's behalf, and I don't want the right decisions to look like that, ever. Honour and romance are such terrible things, maybe worse sometimes than pragmatism, because the agony is when you have to hold them up to the light against each other.

This was awful, guys. And really great. And I am so glad. So fucking glad I got to do this as part of actual, live canon, because the experience of it makes it so much better -- better than the sometimes ridiculous cracky shit (the children were DRUGS? REALLY?) or the stupid, petty heartbreaks (that stupid dinosaur).

Stories are very personal and very weird for me, and even in fandom, they're mostly something I always have to experience alone, except for sometimes with a very small handful of the very tolerant and very crazy people I'm closest too who love me anyway or, occasionally, because this is how I do the world. And it meant so much, no matter how pissed off any of you are about what Series 3 turned out to be that I didn't have to do that this time, be alone, that all of us can't believe how totally torn up we are about this.

It's really... it's nice. I think I'll have to try to be a critic tomorrow, though, because I can't even see the screen for crying.

Comments

[timelady.livejournal.com]

Day 5 really up and beyond exceeded my expectations. I was in tears throughout the episode. While I did especially love Day 1 and 2 for their chillingness, and eerie scenes with the children, this one just pulled at the emotional heart-strings. Alice's reaction at the very end, was perfect, not saying anything and just leaving. And it did add a new level to losing Ianto that he hadn't even let Gwen in, that for all of her compassion, and warmth, she had only known his facade and hadn't delved any deeper than that and not who he was on the inside.

And it's sad in its own way that Jack feels the need to run away from his problems. Granted, he needs that time alone, but it just seems irresponsible for just leaving without getting Torchwood back up and running since none of the other earth forces seem that interested in actually standing up against aliens. And there just isn't enough of Torchwood left to try to re-organize in his absence, unlike the last time.

Not to mention a whole new respect for Frobisher that he wasn't going to let his children endure being taken by the aliens, nor be pawns/examples for the government. (Learning that he actually worked at that job for 30 years makes it more understandable why he didn't just up and quit when they demanded his kids).

One thing I thought needed resolving, was the public opinion on the government/armed forces. They never touched on it after the whole incident and they really should have since you'd think people would be outraged that the armed forces were just rounding up the kids by force especially with that one group that was filming it and broadcasting it to the media. (Also makes me also wonder just how Sarah Jane and her group of kids were doing during this).

[bare-bear.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[better-late24.livejournal.com]

The communal aspect of it has been very bizarre. Occasionally maddening, but also, having friends that really do understand how I feel in the situation has been nice. Because as open as I actually am with the people closest to me in my life about fandom, they either don't completely get it, or humor me. And having friends here that actually do understand just how devastated I am...it is nice.

And objectively...I can realize that the horrible parts were actually done very well. Just...it's so painful.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

It's almost unbearably painful.

And don't feel bad. I was upset about Snape, but I SOBBED over Hedwig. We still need to know what happened to Myfanwy.

You are among friends :)

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you're glad with how it turned out -- I'm glad that some people, at least, are enjoying what's been done, albeit in a completely tragic way. I can't enjoy it, but the fact that a few people can makes me think that maybe one day I will be able to. In a decade or two.

And I agree that this wasn't showing contempt for the fans (in my own meta-review I talked about how so much of Jack's character in Day Five was about acknowledging the way fans feel about this), even though I think the decision to kill Ianto was the wrong one for the story.

[andreth47.livejournal.com]

This series was gorgeous tv. I've never cried so much at anything but a book before. No anger here, I'm in awe of what they did.

And oh god, they broke my Jack.

[chiasmus.livejournal.com]

God, I know. Just. Yeah. I'm still reeling.

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

I didn't think they could break my heart any more than they did yesterday. I never really identified with Jack - Ianto was my way in to the show. So I thought, now that he's gone, what else can they do to me? Boy was I fucking wrong. Oh...Jack.

I do wonder what all those people seeing this show for the first time made of it. If I were them, I don't think I would willingly sign myself up for something like this again, no matter how good it was! But that's just me. My tolerance for bleakness and despair, at least in my primetime TV viewing habits, is rather low.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

you always fucking spin things into a new perspective for me and i love you for that <3

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

same here, i was so apathetic after yesterday and then this just ripped me to shreds - so, ok, good job with the storyltelling, but it was just not MY torchwood

and, the response from the new fans on facebook is overwhelmingly positive and wishing for another series
which just made me think "how the fuck could you possibly expect another series?"

[rm.livejournal.com]

http://hllangel.livejournal.com/302792.html?#cutid1 makes some good points. We could watch Jack build a shiny new team.

[monkat.livejournal.com]

I just finished watching day 5 -- about halfway through, I almost turned it off, it was so painful.

And, yes, it made me feel petty for being so torn up about Ianto. However beloved, he was just one person. What is one person compared to millions and the aftermath of those millions?

...And then it fucking kicked me in the guts for thinking that, too!

I don't know what I was expecting; it wasn't this. This was both so much better and so very much worse. This may have earned a fourth series. I could come back and watch whatever new team gets pasted together from this terrible rubble.

What for?

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, seriously - I mean, what would it be? Where do you go after that? I honestly cannot see a way of continuing the story without taking back some of what they did in this series. Does it become Jack's adventures in outer space? Unlikely. Do Gwen and Rhys run Torchwood now? Sorry, but I think you need Barrowman to sell the series. Hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe they could do Gwen, Rhys and Lois kicking ass in Cardiff - but that would feel pretty trite after all this. The story was too big - they can't top it.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

unless he's actually building them out of dalek parts and bits of the hub, i don't WANT a new team
and i definitely don't think jack needs to be in charge of anyone but himself for a good long fucking while

[count-to-seven.livejournal.com]

Trying to type despite my deadened hands and blurred vision. ...Also, not quite sure what I want to say, aside from that I loved to see Jack as Jack and also that...

I have no idea, really. I can't put into words how this has affected me. I relied on a universe that I thought was flawed and cracky to begin with to get through my own flawed and cracky life. I can't seem to figure out why I could handle the burial of the woman whose namesake I was last weekend yet now I'm inconsolable and clutching stuffed animals I pulled out of a box we never unpacked when we moved into our house two years ago.

I don't know how I can sleep. That's what worries me most. How can I sleep without this?

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[rm.livejournal.com]

yeah, and what a weird reboot if we have jack, say a thusand years down his timeline, comes back to Cardiff now to put thiings right. Recuits a new team, is more distant with them (as ong as that lasts) and is probably less of a presence in a show (because you know, JB is always in 100 projects). It's viable in my head.

[rm.livejournal.com]

All times are now.

That's how I get by.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

o god, that IS a possibilty and i don't want it
no, i think it should end here

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

The story was too big - they can't top it.

no, and i'm really fucking surprised if they every actually planned to

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

I think they probably didn't. All that "yeah season four's ready to go as soon as we get the greenlight" was just hype, I think. This had "I'm going to burn my toys so you can't ever play with them" written all over it.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Except scripts were commissioned on spec and have been written for it.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

totes

scripts? so they say

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Interesting! I wonder what they're like...or if we'll ever find out...

[count-to-seven.livejournal.com]

I tried chanting that to myself but then I looked down and realized I was holding my Jack mug.

There is going to be a serious de-sensitizing needed in the coming days.