Torchwood, Children of Earth: Day 5

[rm]

One again, apologies for this, because I can't write this and not make it very personal, since I'm writing it through tears. Last night I at least waited until they had abated somewhat.

I don't find stories compelling if I don't see myself in them; they are not things that happen to other people, and it's this experience of the world that allows me to do what I do professionally and has also brought me pretty much every person I'm close to, as much as it has also estranged me from people I once would have been close to, my family among.

It's worth noting the last character I identified with, before Jack, was Severus Snape. And it's been strange, super fucking strange, being in this fandom and the whole Jack thing and finally getting to identify with someone who isn't just ugly, and odd. It's been so strange for me, a slight girl, at the end of the day. I learned how to be handsome here.

And it just feels strange, with the next Harry Potter movie coming out in a week, the one where Snape keeps saying he's not a coward, to have watched this just now. I feel broken-hearted and a little ashamed. But it feels right, too. Not just in terms of the story, but in terms of me.

But let's talk about the story, okay?

For me, really, this was like a long denoument, and after everyone freaking out on the Internet today, honestly I thought it was going to be even darker and worse than it was, and that is maybe a story I'll write for you at some point, because it's actually sort of amazing, and I have to assume the creative team floated it and pulled back to this.

I also have to assume that this was executed not with, as people continue to suggest (and please, don't do this around me for a little bit, I find it very hard), contempt for the fans, but perhaps contempt for the BBC. I can't help but suspect they were told that only ratings that were impossible to achieve would result in a renewal and so they set out to create something that would get those impossible ratings and then, in turn, be nearly impossible to renew. If this is the case, I salute you fuckers, it's mad, and I respect it.

Over all, I thought episodes 2 and 4 were the best -- both achieving 10s for me, while the others were about a seven or an eight. I was, throughout, moved by the staggering use of sound and silence and pauses, and everyone's performances were the best we've seen from them over the course of the series, and all the guest stars were amazing.

I thought, I could write a cogent review now, had a couple of paragraphs there without tears, but I feel so awful for Jack and so ashamed of him on Ianto's behalf, and I don't want the right decisions to look like that, ever. Honour and romance are such terrible things, maybe worse sometimes than pragmatism, because the agony is when you have to hold them up to the light against each other.

This was awful, guys. And really great. And I am so glad. So fucking glad I got to do this as part of actual, live canon, because the experience of it makes it so much better -- better than the sometimes ridiculous cracky shit (the children were DRUGS? REALLY?) or the stupid, petty heartbreaks (that stupid dinosaur).

Stories are very personal and very weird for me, and even in fandom, they're mostly something I always have to experience alone, except for sometimes with a very small handful of the very tolerant and very crazy people I'm closest too who love me anyway or, occasionally, because this is how I do the world. And it meant so much, no matter how pissed off any of you are about what Series 3 turned out to be that I didn't have to do that this time, be alone, that all of us can't believe how totally torn up we are about this.

It's really... it's nice. I think I'll have to try to be a critic tomorrow, though, because I can't even see the screen for crying.

Comments

[timelady.livejournal.com]

Day 5 really up and beyond exceeded my expectations. I was in tears throughout the episode. While I did especially love Day 1 and 2 for their chillingness, and eerie scenes with the children, this one just pulled at the emotional heart-strings. Alice's reaction at the very end, was perfect, not saying anything and just leaving. And it did add a new level to losing Ianto that he hadn't even let Gwen in, that for all of her compassion, and warmth, she had only known his facade and hadn't delved any deeper than that and not who he was on the inside.

And it's sad in its own way that Jack feels the need to run away from his problems. Granted, he needs that time alone, but it just seems irresponsible for just leaving without getting Torchwood back up and running since none of the other earth forces seem that interested in actually standing up against aliens. And there just isn't enough of Torchwood left to try to re-organize in his absence, unlike the last time.

Not to mention a whole new respect for Frobisher that he wasn't going to let his children endure being taken by the aliens, nor be pawns/examples for the government. (Learning that he actually worked at that job for 30 years makes it more understandable why he didn't just up and quit when they demanded his kids).

One thing I thought needed resolving, was the public opinion on the government/armed forces. They never touched on it after the whole incident and they really should have since you'd think people would be outraged that the armed forces were just rounding up the kids by force especially with that one group that was filming it and broadcasting it to the media. (Also makes me also wonder just how Sarah Jane and her group of kids were doing during this).

[bare-bear.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[better-late24.livejournal.com]

The communal aspect of it has been very bizarre. Occasionally maddening, but also, having friends that really do understand how I feel in the situation has been nice. Because as open as I actually am with the people closest to me in my life about fandom, they either don't completely get it, or humor me. And having friends here that actually do understand just how devastated I am...it is nice.

And objectively...I can realize that the horrible parts were actually done very well. Just...it's so painful.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

It's almost unbearably painful.

And don't feel bad. I was upset about Snape, but I SOBBED over Hedwig. We still need to know what happened to Myfanwy.

You are among friends :)

[madambackslash.livejournal.com]

Myfanwy, and Andy, and John.

Oh, god.

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you're glad with how it turned out -- I'm glad that some people, at least, are enjoying what's been done, albeit in a completely tragic way. I can't enjoy it, but the fact that a few people can makes me think that maybe one day I will be able to. In a decade or two.

And I agree that this wasn't showing contempt for the fans (in my own meta-review I talked about how so much of Jack's character in Day Five was about acknowledging the way fans feel about this), even though I think the decision to kill Ianto was the wrong one for the story.

[andreth47.livejournal.com]

This series was gorgeous tv. I've never cried so much at anything but a book before. No anger here, I'm in awe of what they did.

And oh god, they broke my Jack.

[chiasmus.livejournal.com]

God, I know. Just. Yeah. I'm still reeling.

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

I didn't think they could break my heart any more than they did yesterday. I never really identified with Jack - Ianto was my way in to the show. So I thought, now that he's gone, what else can they do to me? Boy was I fucking wrong. Oh...Jack.

I do wonder what all those people seeing this show for the first time made of it. If I were them, I don't think I would willingly sign myself up for something like this again, no matter how good it was! But that's just me. My tolerance for bleakness and despair, at least in my primetime TV viewing habits, is rather low.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

same here, i was so apathetic after yesterday and then this just ripped me to shreds - so, ok, good job with the storyltelling, but it was just not MY torchwood

and, the response from the new fans on facebook is overwhelmingly positive and wishing for another series
which just made me think "how the fuck could you possibly expect another series?"

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

you always fucking spin things into a new perspective for me and i love you for that <3

[monkat.livejournal.com]

I just finished watching day 5 -- about halfway through, I almost turned it off, it was so painful.

And, yes, it made me feel petty for being so torn up about Ianto. However beloved, he was just one person. What is one person compared to millions and the aftermath of those millions?

...And then it fucking kicked me in the guts for thinking that, too!

I don't know what I was expecting; it wasn't this. This was both so much better and so very much worse. This may have earned a fourth series. I could come back and watch whatever new team gets pasted together from this terrible rubble.

What for?

[count-to-seven.livejournal.com]

Trying to type despite my deadened hands and blurred vision. ...Also, not quite sure what I want to say, aside from that I loved to see Jack as Jack and also that...

I have no idea, really. I can't put into words how this has affected me. I relied on a universe that I thought was flawed and cracky to begin with to get through my own flawed and cracky life. I can't seem to figure out why I could handle the burial of the woman whose namesake I was last weekend yet now I'm inconsolable and clutching stuffed animals I pulled out of a box we never unpacked when we moved into our house two years ago.

I don't know how I can sleep. That's what worries me most. How can I sleep without this?

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

This going to be like Moby Dick.

[therealycats.livejournal.com]

I don't understand the thought processes of people who think that the creative teams of their fandoms are doing something to spite them. I recently read a string of comments on a House community that indicated that FOX was mocking House/Cuddy fans, and then when the season ended the way it did, that the writers were jerking them around (any more than any writers do in the interest of maintaining audience suspense, that is). I've read a lot of comments this week from people who seem to think there's some vendetta against the viewers on the writers' part. God forbid there be dramatic moments in a television drama. And how dare it be well-written. The audacity!

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

I remember that kind of paranoia from when Star Trek:The Next Generation was still in production, and I fail to even get where it comes from.
"Mommy and Daddy hate me!" means to me "I wanted a pony and all I got was a bicycle. I wanted to let it sleep in my room with me, and to feed it hamburgers."

[tommx.livejournal.com]

I'd say something now, but I'm crying my eyes out myself, and I will continue to cry for days I think. Fucking brilliant. I have never been so grateful to have my heart broken.

Oh my god.

I'm still fucking sobbing.

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

I have to assume the creative team floated it and pulled back to this.

You know, I read something where RTD mentioned Stephen originally wasn't going to die, and the BBC sent it back and effectively called him a coward and said the boy should die. I need to find that cite, because it fascinated me.

My thoughts on the series are really complex, but part of me is definitely in awe.

[robling-t.livejournal.com]

and the BBC sent it back and effectively called him a coward and said the boy should die

Which is interesting if so, because usually it's the production company not having the balls to Go There for fear of scaring off ad revenues or whatever...

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I am pleased to say that my earlier statement about sticking around stands, even after ep 5.

So many stories. Seriously. So many.

I need to go write that coda.

Thank you very much

[(Anonymous)]

You don't know me but I am very grateful to see that there are people like you out there. You have no idea how much your postings about CoE meant to me. I agree with all of your insights wholeheartedly. Thanks again.

Caroona

[elainasaunt.livejournal.com]

I finished watching Day Five about 4 hrs ago. It's been very slowly dawning on me ever since that, although I loved Ianto (particularly the fandom Ianto, or more specifically the Ianto of the smallish group of writers I consider tops - most definitely including you and Kali, as IHNIIHBT was my introduction to it all), I really relate more to Jack. And much of the emotional pain I'm in as a result of Days 4 and 5 is me feeling bad on his behalf.

At first, I was feeling sort of betrayed by TW's makers. But now I'm going, "Woah, you've made me, a 58-year-old woman, empathize to the point of depression with a fictional immortal 51st-century male time traveller. You people are good!"

I'd like to know more about John Fay, the writer of 2 and 4. He's a Scouser, it appears, with long experience in the soaps.

Looking forward to hearing more from you about all this in the days ahead.

[fide-et-spe.livejournal.com]

I just saw your comment earlier about maybe knowing people that are slagged off in your comments. It does astonish me how people make personal slurs about real people in the name of fandom.

Having said that, I think it is OK to comment on the work. (and in fact I know a lot of the "people" as well, some who may well be relevant to these discussions, due to family and friends in the film/telly business, so I'm with you on that. )

I actually loved the first three episodes, could really have done without the gay jokes. Seriously I don't get why a gay positive show, secure in it's own sexuality, needed to start on the internalised homophobia and queer jokes. Not to mention having a little laugh at poor dead gay Ianto as you are about to tell his sister he is dead.

Anyhow my main problem with the end was the usual RTD nonsense. Seriously, reversing the polarity? I do believe in fairies I do I do all over again. It's like he can come up with the ideas, but has to rehash all the same endings again and again. Plus his endless religious metaphors. The sacrifice of the the child, well we have seen Sophie's Choice, and yes, it's an age old theme. I noticed on some public forums people really feeling he mainly ripped of Quatermass, and yes there is quite the list of where it is derivative.

I still don't get the point of Ianto's death. Well yes, Jack needs to be alone, poor immortal sod, just like the poor Doctor. I get all that, but it is cliched, and didn't really add anything, I would have quite liked Jack leaving and flying off into the air (oh Peter Pan again..) to explore his man pain, with Ianto feeling cross and betrayed etc.

I feel it's a shame, as it did start so well. I absolutely agree with you about the acting, and the guest stars. Especially wonderful Peter Capaldi, who was simply superb. I think the overall quality was amazing, mostly like Spooks in fact. It could have all been done without Torchwood really, which I think isn't a great thing. In and of itself though it was very good. Although I do feel the last episode dipped to a weakish Dr Who level.

[fragiletender.livejournal.com]

There IS no point to Ianto's death - that's the point. He worked in a bloody dangerous job, they took a risk in facing down some bad guys and it didn't pay off.

Look at Torchwood history - look at the number of deaths that have been referred to in the past (including most of Torchwood One). It's even mentioned in CofE when the military people are surprised to discover that Alice's mother retired from Torchwood rather than being killed in the line of duty. Dying in the line of duty is normal for Torchwood and it's not always going to be heroic and meaningful.

[exbentley]

I am glad I am not the only person in fandom who feels like this. I'm crying; god knows I can't stop crying, but I still think that was amazingly well executed television, I still love Jack Harkness and the rest, and I am so infinitely proud of the minds behind this who dared to bring it to the screen.

[marchek.livejournal.com]

I sobbed through pretty much all of day five. Angel hasn't caught up on the episodes yet as was apparently torn between coming over to comfort me and not wanting to be spoiled by was I was watching.

I weep for humanity, for Frobisher, and above all for Jack and the decision he had to make.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

I am completely intimidated by a television show.
That's got to be a good thing, yeah?

[cookie-cm.livejournal.com]

No excuses, I have never seen Torchwood. It really is on my to-do list.
That aside, one of the many reasons your LJ is a staple for me is the fanfic exchanges.
I'm surprised I am finding this tricky to put into words.
Following the excitement, curiosities, inspiraitons, and wtf's of something that I have never seen has been quite a bit if fun. It's the passion of the crowd that makes not being totally in-the-know such a quirky yet welcome seduction.
If this was (is :) an attempt at a new mass movoment, I'd be on board, ingorance and all...you guys are that good!
Still not the best interpretation of the surface of my mind, but 'thanks for sharing' is the bottom line :)

[gwyd.livejournal.com]

I had real problems with the plot, but the thing I think was brilliant is that there was a moment when I was simultaneously thinking, "He had to do it; it was the only thing left to do," and "Worst. Father. Ever." That was some damned powerful writing to make me feel like that.