what being gay looks like

[rm]

via reannon:

http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_12811907
A gay couple faces police action for kissing in public in Salt Lake City.

http://www.elpasotimes.com/ci_12790543
A gay couple is kicked out of a restaurant in El Paso, also for kissing.


I keep trying to formulate a sentence to go here, but I don't really have the time. But this is what being gay looks like when it's not on your television, when it's not in New York City or San Francisco or what is truly not that much more than a handful of cities, when you're not in a neighborhood where it's safe to be queer, when you're totally average and when you're living in America.

Comments

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

[used_songs]

Yep.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Word.

Or anywhere other than very specific places all overt the World for that matter.

In my home town, which is a 20 minute drive from Cosmopolitan Tel-Aviv (certain neighbourhoods of course), my GF and I get looks when we walk hand in hand down the street.

The day of the Jerusalem Pride Parade, acquaintances of mine were gay bashed and told "to go home the Parade is over".

I'll repeat.

Word.

Edited for coherence.

[count-to-seven.livejournal.com]

Hm. Does SNARL, HISS, SNARL cover my reaction?

Yet it's nothing new. It disturbs me that sometimes I think I'm becoming slightly inured to injustice, because I'm too busy leading my day to day life to spare emotional space for things I can't change with my fury. I suppose the best we can do is do what we *can* do. Worrying about what we're not doing just detracts from the ultimate goal.

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

We're having a lot of fun in Salt Lake City with that first case, let me tell you.

[contrarywise]

Yep. Sad but true. City prosecutors dropped the Salt Lake City case after kiss-ins and other protests, but your point still stands. Also, there's the Fort Worth gay bar raid that happened on the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots.

While I live in a suburb of a relatively queer-friendly major city now and don't usually feel that I'm risking my health and well-being if I kiss or touch a partner of any gender, I've been physically threatened, had garbage thrown at me, and been verbally harassed any number of times for being perceived as queer and when hanging out with queer friends (no kissing involved) when I lived in a major metropolitan city in the southern U.S. that has a huge queer population. The existence and visibility of queer communities in a city are no guarantee that anti-queer violence can't and won't happen, even in otherwise queer-friendly neighborhoods.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

Indeed, which is why I'm very glad to be living in the inner portions Portland. There are vast portions of the US which I simply do not regard as safe or comfortable places to live because of social norms.

[kit-kallisti.livejournal.com]

Clearly, as was the case in El Paso, even when laws exist to protect us against such discrimination, getting the police to actually enforce those laws is another thing entirely.

[dkellergrl.livejournal.com]

I had heard about the incident in Salt Lake City from the AfterElton site, a couple of weeks ago, but the El Paso situation is new. It's just sad that these things are still happening in this day and age, but we also acknowledge that we live in the real world and it's still the 21st Century. As a black female, living in this real world, I sometimes still get followed, whenever I go into certain high-end stores, here in NYC and elsewhere. It doesn't limit and/or define me as a person, but it's a reality that unfortunately, may never go away in my lifetime.

We still have to continue to live our lives, in the way that will hopefully make us content and happy.

I feel funny, saying "thank you" for posting these real world situations, issues and problems of our real world on your lj, but it's nice to see perspective being shown after all the craziness that has been going on in *our TW fandom*.

[hmrpotter.livejournal.com]

It sickens me. My best friend recently began dating another friend of mine (both females) and they are the happiest I've ever seen them in relationships (this being the first serious lesbian relationship they've been in). One of their first dates was to the Renaissance Fair, where they had to deal with a man telling his wife not to stand too close to them in line or she'll "go gay", and later they took a self-portrait of themselves and sent it to us, not knowing that the lady sitting in the bleachers behind them was making a very ugly face into the camera.

I really wish people would just get over the bullshit and accept that love is love, period. But then that means they'd have to accept that Black is just another color, too...

[dsmoen.livejournal.com]

Sigh.

Ever since seeing the movie Little Ashes, I've wondered if Garcia Lorca would have lived longer if being queer was more accepted in his time -- or if he was doomed because of his political leanings.

At one point in my life, I found gay couples kissing awkward for me, but I've long since gotten past that. I personally like seeing folks kiss and be affectionate as long as it's not too over the top.

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

And by America, we mean the United States.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

I wish I had something coherent to add. Stuff like this pisses me off. If white, cisgendered, hetero-couples can do it in public any other couple of any other make-up ought to be able to do it unbothered.

I want to smack the people that got their knickers in twists because two people were kissing in public.

Sometimes, I really dislike where I live.

[thatsevenbetter.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy that this is something I've never known in my life. I grew up in a small town in upstate new york but my family never treated homosexuality as anything different or wrong or really... anything. It was just something that was. I guess it also comes from having done theater my whole life, but I feel like -generally, for a small town- where I grew up was pretty damn awesome about shit like that.

[cozzene.livejournal.com]

And then there's this right here in my neck of the woods. The Somali community leaders have said publicly they don't support this sort of behavior, but nothing is actually being done about it.

http://www.wikio.co.uk/video/1333692

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you know this story..

My mother found herself in a pretty screwed up relationship in the '80's with a woman named Sue. Turns out she was aptly named. While they dated, Sue had kept a tally of all the money she spent on my mom, and when Sue broke up with her, this total was what she expected my mother to pay her.

Or?

Well, she'd take her to court. And then the newspapers would be full of 'two lesbians are in court.' And my mom would never see her kids again.

Sounds crazy, right? But the threat worked.

And when you see stories like the ones you posted? No, it's not so crazy.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I wish white, cisgendered, hetero-couples would do a little LESS in public, but, that's another argument.

We had white men in black suits hanging around public areas today holding "Honk if you support traditional marriage" and "Marriage = 1 woman and 1 man" signs. It made me angry in a way I can't begin to describe. I've seen protests where they are these angry, small-minded, scared people. It pisses me off, but, this was different somehow. This was white men in suits smiling and waving at people, trying to project an image of being UPRIGHT, TRUSTWORTHY guys. It made me so angry I could barely see straight.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

I'm in upstate NY & I agree that it's mostly pretty good in the greater Capitol District. That said, the protests I saw today (commented above) made me ill. And my trans sibling was threatened by a group of men in Troy. So... yah, it's still here too.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I've spent a lot of time in Troy, and let me tell you, I'm not surprised.

[humascot97.livejournal.com]

I grew up near there and am definitely not surprised.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

I agree with you about the cisgendered, hetero-couples, too. Little pecks are fine, but tonsil hockey? Come on...

Those besuited guys just sound creepy.

[rm.livejournal.com]

The fandom thing has been really hard -- for what is going on in the community, for the ways (good and bad) it can be tied in to real world issues, and for the ways in which perspective has been lacking. It's... despite the fact that I'm off to a con this weekend, I'm looking forward to the break from it!

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

It was in a Stewarts heading out of Troy proper. The manager was kind enough to toss them the hell out.

Downtown is developing a pretty nice bohemian vibe in places, and, one of our coffee shop owners is a gay guy. To my knowledge he's never had problems there. The Cap Dist is a real mixed bag, though it's better than many areas.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

They were. They also had weird red-orange sashes & I caught crosses of some sort. A later guess was perhaps Knights of Columbus.

[julesndairyland.livejournal.com]

*iz FURIOUS*

can't think of other words right now...

[miep.livejournal.com]

that is one of the sickest things I have ever heard.

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

I live in a part of the world where being gay is a horrible thing. I removed my relationship status from Facebook just because I have coworkers on there that would treat me differently if they knew.

And yet, we bowl in 3 different alleys in 3 different areas of town and are nothing but embraced. The boys wanna play with us, the girls wanna be like us and everyone loves it.

Most bizarre thing I've ever experienced.

[dkellergrl.livejournal.com]

Enjoy your time at the con.

[toujours-nigel.livejournal.com]

Yes, this.

India swings between the extremes, man, and non-peno-vaginal sex just got decriminalised. idek.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Every so often at work I'll get a call from a parent who wants us to move their son or daughter because -- OH NOES -- their student's roommate has the gay.

Considering the high concentration of GLBTQ people in student affairs, and the fact that our policy is pretty clear re: non-discriminaton?

Yeah, that conversation always goes over well. But god, I hate that we have to have it over and over, every fecking year.

[tommx.livejournal.com]

Something that I hold on to when I see this sort of news is the time I spent in Provincetown.

Couples walking hand in hand in the street with nary a glance in their direction because they were both men.

A gay couple who had been together for 28 years.

The marriage of two lesbian couples, one of whom had been together for 21 years already. (My mother in law and her partner)

These things that you post, you are right to post, and right to be angry about. I am angry as well, but I also have hope that what is normal in Provincetown will be commonplace if not in our lifetimes, then in the lifetimes of those that will follow us.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I hope so.

My kid (13) gives me hope. To him and most of his friends, sexual preference is a non-issue. Here's to the next generation.

[ninasis.livejournal.com]

I've linked back to here.

After the recent fiasco in our neighboring Fort Worth, and the violence recently in Seattle, my heart is just so sad.

[tcpip.livejournal.com]

*nods* When I read those stories, I am filled with anger, sadness and yet also hope.

"No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream."

[wondersheep.livejournal.com]

I was linked here, and I'd like to point to a documentary I watched a couple months back called Small Town Gay Bar (http://www.smalltowngaybar.com/). It's available as a Watch Instantly on Netflix.

[fleur.livejournal.com]

I suppose I must be sheltered, but I don't get the fuss wherein someone cares that someone else is gay. My co-worker and his boyfriend kiss at work all the time and no one even notices.

I genuinely do not understand why you want to know things about other people's sex lives. Why? Who cares? Does it matter? On a level of, I relate to you as a human being, that is.

I guess come to my store while you are in Minneapolis and kiss anyone you like. We seem to not be bothered.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

There's TWO lesbian couples in my town now! Woo hoo!

[millisa17.livejournal.com]

The world lacks a lot of love. Tolerance is only a word to throw around, to pin it on your outfit for whatever selfish reason, or to get some votes more. Everybody talks generous and caring but most people don't live it, sadly. I am not a homosexual, I don't say I am not biased about anything, that would be dishonest, but things like this make me so upset. Love is a gift for us all, no exception.

Love
Isa

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

I am glad that this is being covered in the news instead of just being swept under the rug. Hopefully that will show people just how serious this situation is. I guess I was lucky growing up in a liberal college town in the Midwest, because I did not see as much of this as I would have elsewhere, though it was definitely still present. :(

I am hopeful that the growing number of High School LGBT (and supporters) groups will help make people more aware and less awful. (I was a founding member of my high school's group back in the early 90s, and they have over 100 members now!)

[stardragonca.livejournal.com]

I think that this is the reason why, while the Toronto Gay Pride Parade is bigger(hey, we have more to celebrate,)the NYC parade is, in ways I am unable to clearly describe, emotionally more important to me.
NYC is the de facto capital of the world, and I want the whole world to be free. And it's going to be!

[isil-helyanwe.livejournal.com]

Re: Little Ashes (a stunner of a film, by the way) - I suspect that his sexuality, being relatively well known, may have made him more of a target for Franco's forces, but in the end his politics killed him. (Then again, perhaps his politics and view of dismissing the establishment may have been moulded by his experience as an outsider and reconciling himself with his sexuality - just a thought).

On topic again: it's so scary how backward some people can be... Especially when you live in metropolitan areas and sort of assume that everyone's as liberal as you are.

[dsmoen.livejournal.com]

That's an interesting thought, thank you.

I think I'll use my Lorca pen to write with today.

And yes, it is very scary how backward people can be. When I was in high school, my best friend (now dead from AIDS) was gay, and I remember how much some things that were said and done wounded him, and how it shifted his life.

[dsmoen.livejournal.com]

I lived in Lake George. So not surprised.

[delux-vivens.livejournal.com]

what being gay looks like

minor details! stop harshing the squee...

[baerana.livejournal.com]

"Every business has the right to refuse service. They have the right to refuse service to whoever they don't want there. That's their prerogative."

that's not so much true. they have to actually be causing a disturbance, etc. Otherwise, you know, there wouldn't be an issue w/ keeping brown people out of your store.

but yeah, kids do give me a lot of hope. my step-son is great that way. 3 of his 4 parents are bi, two of his closest aunts are lesbians. Someone tried to tell him same-sex relationships was a sin, and he was like "no way, 'cause my mom and my step-mom and my aunts are the best people I know! you're crazy, god wouldn't do that." and that was it for him.