I am Maru, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours.

[rm]

So, Patty rec'ed this Yuletide story about Maru. You know, the Japanese cat that does cute things?

Anyway, the story contains the sentence:

I am Maru, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours.

Maybe I'm tired, but THIS IS THE GREATEST SENTENCE IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER.

Seriously, because just replace "Maru" with the fandom character of your choice. The results are consistently funny.

Observe:

"I am Alec, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
Oh, we just bet you are, Alec.

"I am Jack, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
Well, I suppose you have to keep limber somehow when tentacle aliens aren't readily available.

"I am Tim Gunn, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
So that explains the hair. Sorry, kids, after the Project Runway RPF rec yesterday, I had to.

"I am Ianto Jones, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
The OCD isn't a joke, is it?

"I am Severus Snape, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
Christ, you're bitter. And weird. (said with love!)

See? ENDLESS FUN.