I am Maru, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours.

[rm]

So, Patty rec'ed this Yuletide story about Maru. You know, the Japanese cat that does cute things?

Anyway, the story contains the sentence:

I am Maru, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours.

Maybe I'm tired, but THIS IS THE GREATEST SENTENCE IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER.

Seriously, because just replace "Maru" with the fandom character of your choice. The results are consistently funny.

Observe:

"I am Alec, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
Oh, we just bet you are, Alec.

"I am Jack, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
Well, I suppose you have to keep limber somehow when tentacle aliens aren't readily available.

"I am Tim Gunn, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
So that explains the hair. Sorry, kids, after the Project Runway RPF rec yesterday, I had to.

"I am Ianto Jones, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
The OCD isn't a joke, is it?

"I am Severus Snape, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."
Christ, you're bitter. And weird. (said with love!)

See? ENDLESS FUN.

Comments

[tod-hollykim.livejournal.com]

LMAO!!! Yeah, it does work.

But I love Maru! Such a cool cat.

[junebugged.livejournal.com]

"I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."


I like this. a lot.

[iamradar.livejournal.com]

*Tea. Keyboard*

[delchi.livejournal.com]

"I am Severus Snape, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."

Oh hell yes. I just fell out of bed laughing.

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

Follow it up with the "I forgot panties" line and it's still good!

The best part is that, in my mental images of ALL of these people, they're in that one-leg-stuck-out belly-licking cat pose. In a fruit bowl.

[unicursal.livejournal.com]

In my household, we call that particular cat position "flagpoling it."

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

Speaking of OCD...

The first character I thought of was Hercule Poirot. Then I thought of Hastings watching, saying "I say, Poirot! Well DONE!" and then getting lectured by Poirot on proper technique.

"First, Hastings, The bowl for the fruit must be made of crystal..."

Thank you for sharing this fun line!

[iamradar.livejournal.com]

"I am Owen Harper, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."

Well, the chap had to do something when Jack took away the pheremone spray.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Just as a data point- the greatest sentence in the history of forever read while under the onset of sleep medication becomes so powerful it may warp the very fabric of reality.

I will have profoundly weird dreams tonight and it is all your fault.

Thankyou from the bottom of my drowsy heart.

[torenheksje.livejournal.com]

"I am Shakespeare, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours"

And fifty-seven academics just punched the air.

[torenheksje.livejournal.com]

Oh, and you need a new damn hobby, Racheline. :cP

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

"I am Edward de Vere, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours"

Damn that Shakespeare git, stealing my work!

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

"I am the Doctor, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours"
And we all appreciate it.

"I am Donna Noble, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours"
And now, we all run!

This is hilarious!

[robling-t.livejournal.com]

"I am George, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."

So, finally reconciling yourself to the werewolf gig, that's good...

[gairid.livejournal.com]

"I am The Vampire Lestat, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."


Of course you have, Lestat. *nods*

[cozzene.livejournal.com]

This also reminds me of all the men I know who said they would never leave their home again if they ever figured out how to do this.

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

thanks for these :D Have a happy new year

[hyrkanian.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

"I am Dave Lister, and I have been sitting in a fruit bowl licking myself for over four hours."

Cue Kryten-voice: "Really, Mr. Lister sir, the vindaloo sauce you spilled on yourself at lunch can't have much flavor left by now."

:D

[electricalgwen.livejournal.com]

OMG TEH AWESOME.

I go to sleep now, with my first thought of 2010 being Alec sitting in a fruit bowl. THANK YOU. *g*

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

I think this is how I'm going to introduce myself to people from now on.