sundries

[rm]

help_haiti is a fandom auction to raise money for Haiti.

jonquil takes apart David Brooks's version of "blame the victim" re: Haiti.

hakaber reminds us that we don't know what they mean, but there are currently a number of somewhat worrying earthquake swarms happening and not all of them can be strictly classified as aftershocks of the Haiti earthquake.

Meanwhile, rufus alerts us to a seminar for female lawyers from male lawyers on how they can be better! Check it out and be furious.

Six minutes til midnight: the Doomsday Clock has been moved back one minute

Does anyone have any advice about the needy neurotic cat? Patty was away, then Little died, then Patty and I were on vacation and now the cat's agitated and worried all the time. We don't let her in the bedroom, but she's still screaming by the door and scratching it at night. How do we reassure the cat and get a good night's sleep?

My tuxedo is here. I'm at the office, eying the box suspiciously, periodically. It's been a strange adventure, and I've not even seen the thing yet.

A note under our door from the building receiver says we're finally getting an intercom system in a few weeks. Sweet!

Tonight involves unpacking, cleaning, organizing, maybe even laundry. Probably cleaning out the refrigerator too. I really hate coming home from vacation.

I've got the camera cord in my pocket, so hopefully Patty and/or I will start uploading some pictures tonight.

Senate to hold hearings on DADT. Be prepared to find that unpleasant. ETA: as the NYTimes notes there is discussion of allowing queer soldiers into only some sorts of units as well as discussion of whether there needs to be changes to designs of barracks and bathrooms due to privacy concerns (because, apparently, we still believe that us gays will fuck anything we see). It's not a pleasant read.

Newsweek's cover this week is the Conservative Case for Gay Marriage. It's an important article, not just because of the minds it might sway (critical if we want queer families to be treated with compassion, especially regarding end of life issues), but because it offers a lot of assertions about marriage as the one true way that just aren't true (i.e., you can care about you community without doing the marriage thing, thanks), and really speak to (if only through the implication of counter argument) the impact the marriage debate is having on gay culture (it is, in my opinion, the second half of the narrative of required normalization that began with the AIDS crisis).

Newsweek also brings us a story about male-on-male sexual harassment. This isn't about gay men in the workplace, but it sure is about homophobia at its core: it's about presumably straight men using sexuality to humiliate each other.

Notre Dame school paper prints cartoon advocating gay-bashing. It notes that "the easiest way to turn a fruit into a vegetable is with a baseball bat." via gwailowrite.

So now there's a rumor going around that some of the yet-to-be-confirmed Torchwood S4 will be filmed in Washington DC. Please no. You know, I have a list of three directors I would crawl over broken glass to work with. One of those, Sam Mendes, I've already gotten to work with (hey, is this weird rumor I heard about him directing the next Bond film even possibly true?) in Revolutionary Road, where yes, haters, I have a credit, thank you. Beyond my little list of three -- I don't really get worked up about this shit. Jobs are good; good jobs are better, but I don't expend emotional energy on wanting to be on certain shows or work with certain people beyond "wouldn't that be rad" outside of my list, which is personal, complicated and predictable. But you see, if Torchwood shoots some episodes here, I may have to care in a way that's not fun, and so I hope the rumour is false, as I'm far more content to have my agonizing start and stop with whatever Baz Luhrmann and Todd Haynes are working on at any given moment.

First there was Torchwood Babies... now there's Torchwood Heroes.

Guess who got a banquet ticket for Gally? Sweet.

Just ordered the Kign's crown buttons to replace those on the coat (again, ugh) in time for the con.

Yorkville. Most of the stuff I remember from my childhood is gone, including both the original Elk Candy Company and its later reinvention (the store is now Internet-only), as well as an Austrian restaurant I used to go to with my parents that had a weird little train set in the window that went up fake little mountains year round.

Clingwrap. Cats. Win.

Comments

[rednwhiterose.livejournal.com]

Does anyone have any advice about the needy neurotic cat? Patty was away, then Little died, then Patty and I were on vacation and now she's nuts. We don't let her in the bedroom, but she's still screaming by the door and scratching it at night. How do we reassure the cat and get a good night's sleep?

How does she feel about cat carriers? If she's OK in them, you could put her in one at night in your bedroom. That way she's with you but isn't bugging the crap out of you.

[cozzene.livejournal.com]

When Blackie died a couple years ago our Little was distraught for the first couple of weeks. We made a point to play with her for 15-20 minutes without any interruptions and we bought her some of her favorite mouse toys with the leather tails; she eats them and then plays Mighty Hunter after the lights go out in the evening. It all seemed to be very reassuring to her.

[schpahky.livejournal.com]

When my cat is all crazy I have to spend serious quality time with her before bed. I find 15 minutes of devoted petting and squeezing, sans computer/phone/other attachment, does wonders for the rest of the night. It's my distraction that freaks her out.

[gatheringrivers]

Does anyone have any advice about the needy neurotic cat? Patty was away, then Little died, then Patty and I were on vacation and now she's nuts. We don't let her in the bedroom, but she's still screaming by the door and scratching it at night. How do we reassure the cat and get a good night's sleep?

I used to sleep WITH my cats on occasion. Before we replaced the bed, I used to sleep on the couch or - after we got it - the recliner. It seemed like when the cats got to sleep with me, they were a little more reassured that we weren't going to vanish too, especially after it seemed like they were dying off one by one. (2 from cancer, 1 just too sick and stopped eating.)

Granted I have allergies, so the recliner is a little better in that my sinuses can actually drain...

Maybe that would help you with your kitties?

[sociallyawkrd.livejournal.com]

The Notre Dame thing surprised me. I grew up in the South Bend area which is where NDU is. I attended college there. Homophobia is/was rampant in that area to the same degree that i think it is in a lot of small Midwestern towns. However my experience at NDU was that most of the students would find such a joke appalling and offensive. That is slipped past the editors is horrible but even worse is that such an atmosphere exists.

In terms of Jesuit schools I think NDU has made way more progress that say CBU here in Memphis. Not that progress excuses this.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

And here's one reason I'm glad I didn't go to Notre Dame for graduate school. They recruited me heavily but, just, no thanks.

[vichan.livejournal.com]

Does anyone have any advice about the needy neurotic cat? Patty was away, then Little died, then Patty and I were on vacation and now she's nuts. We don't let her in the bedroom, but she's still screaming by the door and scratching it at night. How do we reassure the cat and get a good night's sleep?

She's lonely. Cats are pretty much nocturnal (mostly 'cuz they sleep all day), and you can probably solve both the loneliness and the... er, "being wired-ness" by playing with her hardcore a little bit before you guys go to bed. If she's a laser pointer cat, just sit and wave the the pointer everywhere and watch her chase it at top speed. If she's not a laser pointer cat, find whatever toy she considers her mortal enemy (mine has a ring with feathery things attached) and toss it around the apartment. It shows her love, and will probably tire her out for the night.

[rm.livejournal.com]

The worst is when she starts getting active somewhere between 4 and 5am.... hopefully this will settle her down.

[vichan.livejournal.com]

Also changing her nightly feeding time to just before you go to sleep, especially if her food has salmon in it. (None of my cats would sleep for about two months after I moved, so I tried every trick in the book.)

[rm.livejournal.com]

She normally just has dry food out, but maybe I'll try giving her some wet food too, just to chill her out.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

Sometimes if you give a cat a blanket or towel that smells like you they'll curl up on it and settle down. We also try to give our cat extra time and attention before we go to bed so he is not screaming for attention. We do let him sleep in our bed though.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

and really speak to (if only through the implication of counter argument) the impact the marriage debate is having on gay culture (it is, in my opinion, the second half of the narrative of required normalization that began with the AIDS crisis).

You've spoken about this before, and perhaps this is my foreign perception on the notion and also being young (a child on the 90's, the AIDS crisis was no longer in the headlines), because the debate on marriage in my part of the world is very different, so I'm wondering what effects the marriage debate is having on gay culture and what narrative of required normalisation?

Only if you (or anyone more informed) have the time and/or inclination to write about this briefly.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Short version:

While gay activism certainly existed before AIDS, AIDS put gay issues, or at least gay people, in the news -- finally, finally, finally and constantly, constantly, constantly.

But the context (disease) "confirmed" the worst of people's homophobia (i.e., "gay sex is gross" and "sex defines gay people") all of which forced us (and particularly gay men) to begin a narrative of "we're just like you" which, of course, included "we are subject to the same sexual hang-ups as you" -- we spent years convincing people that gay people really can be monogamous (instead of reminding people that monogamy is a choice, not an inherently moral/required/normal value), that not all gay men have anal sex ("see, we're not gross, really!"), that "we're just nice little middle-class people like you."

Of course, for many gay people some or all of this mantra was true, but for many of us, and as a community as a whole, it was just an expediency -- one that very much started the LGBTQ community down a path of selling each other out for whatever rights we can get (hello, we are a persecuted people with PTSD, of course we did this) -- to my mind it's partially responsible for the perceived splits between gay male and lesbian communities, the way that HRC and some other organizations only support trans people when it's convenient (which is rarely), and the marginalization of queers of color in "mainstream" gay activism, because hi, everyone's generally even more than a little bit racist.

I'm not dangerous. But I'm sick of having to make myself safe.

Gay marriage is about a lot of things. For gay people, it's about the right to choose marriage and its legal protections. For the straight audience and many allies it can be about the need to de-fang us. We become a safe cause for liberals who may or may not be personally invested while suspected of being wolves in sheep clothing ("they say they're normal, but....") for those who continue to oppose gay marriage.

It can be argued that gay culture came about (and therefore isn't ultimately fundamental to gay identity in the post-oppression long-term future) because of oppression and so we can leave it behind as we claim our equality, but that's an argument that makes me uncomfortable, because very unique aspects of gay culture (that are now sort of fringe-y, but were much less so at the time) have been so fundamental in who I've become, even if they are in many cases less and less relevant to younger LGBTQ people.

I don't want to trade in who I am for someone else's life. That shouldn't be what the gay marriage debate it about. But I think for some allies and some enemies it is. And I think many gay people, even those who actively support the marriage fight (as I do), are very wary that that's what is either ultimately be asked of us, or, worse, is ultimately what we're asking of ourselves.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

You may want to try a feliway difuser. It has helped to reduce anxiety and agression in one of my cats.

I also second the idea of giving the cat something with your scent on it for it to sleep on. I do this if one of the cats has to stay at the vet for any reason. It does seem to help.

Even if she didn't get along with Little kitty something major in her life has changed and most cats don't deal well with changes to their environment.

[rm.livejournal.com]

They were really close, although they fought a lot. They've been together since Pretty was about 4 weeks old (Little was slightly younger).

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

Then she is grieving. Her buddy is gone and she doesn't understand and is confused and frightened. If they slept together or even in close proximity, its not surprising that she doesn't want to sleep by herself now. Even a stuffed animal with your scent on it to curl up with might help. But like people, some cats really have a hard time -especially if they were together their entire lives. Give Pretty extra hugs - she needs to know you love her.

[tikiera.livejournal.com]

Re cat:

Put something with you smell in her bed. A piece of clothing, a towel, a stuffed toy - either buy something new, use/wear it enough or something you don't mind losing to the cat.

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

Poor David Brooks, he tries so hard. He reminds me a bit of folks in college who would use your lack of patience with their cluelessness as a sign of intolerance on your part, and dismiss you as a "Liberal Hypocrite".

Sure Dave, it's voudoun that's the problem, and not (among other things) the fact that in a predominantly Catholic poor country, birth control is hard to get a hold of (says the crabby lapsed Catholic). That, and Francois Duvalier learning early in his reign that the US would look the other way at the abuse he heaped on his nation if he made anti-Castro noises on a regular basis...

The images coming out of Haiti remind me of the footage of the Mexico City earthquake in 1985.

[liminalia.livejournal.com]

Seconding the feliway.

[pocketmouse]

If TW4 films in DC, I will rejoin the IA list and... I'm not sure. Probably laugh a lot and insert Tosh and Owen props into all the background shots.

*snort*

[rm.livejournal.com]

Yeah... it's just... yeah.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for that, it's definitely cleared things up for me and I pretty much knew all that you've said, but it helps having it spoon fed to someone who hasn't lived through that time and doesn't live in the States.

I can see parallels of the "normative and normal" narrative going on in my country - last year there was a huge debate about the fact that the gay youth group had army educators come to the LGBTQ community centre and talk about the draft - something many of the organisers weren't aware was happening and they very much resented and opposed.
As an example

Marriage is a finicky thing here. One of our more PM has been trying to introduce a bill for civil marriage for citizens who can't get married via the religious institutes (which is the only way you can get married in Israel - whether you are Jewish or not), but was adamant about not including same-sex couples which pretty much screw us over.
So there's a very loud opposition is a civil marriage bill of that kind, seeing as it doesn't include everyone.

[pocketmouse]

I 100% believe it's not going to happen, thank god. I don't like IA calls.

And it's either that or pretend to be Crue and vomit on things.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Rationally, I agree with you. There may be an episode or two _set_ in DC, but I _REALLY_ doubt they'd bring production there. Irrationally, I'm sitting here hugging my knees going "please no". As I said elsewhere -- I like British TV, because it never involves me professionally as an actor, and I want to keep it so.

On needy kitty

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

You could get another cat. I'm sure Needy Kitty is feeling very "abandoned" right now. Maybe a new little kitty friend will help. Or maybe a small dog who likes cats? That way Needy Kitty will have a friend to keep company. (And together they can plot their plan to rule your world. Oh, wait, they're already doing that...)