sundries

[rm]

A lovely review for Dogboy & Justine:

The most moving of the plays is Racheline Maltese’s “Dogboy and Justine,” directed by Cash Tilton. The setting is a brothel that specializes in kink, and the company duly thanks David Menkes Leather for the scary props and costume pieces. All the working girls are getting clients but Mistress Justine, who has to content herself with a frequent and pathetic caller who wants to be treated like a dog. “Everybody likes dogs,” he explains.

Though funny, Maltese’s work has a depth and poignancy that the other plays don’t access. The caller, played by Christian Barber, gets across an excruciating loneliness, even as we never see him. Stacy Ann Strong is the voice of his distressed mother, who sheds a sad light on why her son is the way he is. Melissa Ferraro plays Justine with a nearly maternal compassion; she’s not hard like the other girls Jeannie (Amanda Boekelheide), Erika (Laneshia Pryor) or Dynamite (Christy Richardson). This is a play that lingers in the mind.

I can't tell you how good this review feels. Remember Dogboy & Justine continues to run as part of Act V: One Act at The Secret Theatre, Jan 20 - 23.

Gallifrey One programming schedule is very fluxy. Times are changing. Panelists are being added. IT IS ALL VERY EXCITING. Real schedule from me here when things are more solid, as I think I'm about to be added to some stuff. I just, btw, stopped myself from volunteering for one in particular, because JUST BECAUSE I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING BY SITTING UP THERE AND TALKING ABOUT IT. God, sometimes I just have to be in the audience, or the bar, or sleeping late, or whatever. I think it was the right choice, but if they ask me to do it, I'll do it (in a heartbeat), but I don't think they know me well enough for that to happen. It's fine. See, see? This is me, learning to love with a more open hand. Or something. I am both not even kidding and totally making fun of myself, yes.

Yes, I was one of the gatekeepers for therealljidol this week. And I suppose I should make a brief comment. At this point I sort of view myself as the Simon Cowell of the thing. Some of you love me. Some of you hate me and many of you love to hate me. A lot of you also know I'm right.

Gary asked me to vote for 75 entries to stay. I struggled and struggled to get to that number. Being more generous than I wanted to be, I only made it to 40 on the first past. Eventually I got close to 75, but didn't hit it, and that was even after grading you people on a curve.

How many of you did I really think deserved to stay after reading all those entries? About 25. Maybe. You're lucky I was feeling nice.

Here are my general thoughts:

- Six sentences is not enough. In most cases, three paragraphs is not enough either.

- For the love of god, put spaces between your paragraphs if you want me to be able to focus on what you're writing about.

- There's a reason short fiction doesn't work for LJ Idol, and that's because short fiction is very, very hard to write. I don't know you, your characters or their issues. Short fiction is often harder to read than a novel, even if it is technically a bite-sized piece. I voted for very few of the fiction pieces, as mostly I found they had no point and no believable voice.

- I hate that Reader's Digest voice so many of you take on.

- I looked for pieces that felt like people would have written them as part of their journal even if they weren't competing in LJ Idol. I wanted a sense of organic relevance and honesty, which believe it or not, does come across even if I've never read anything else in your journal ever. Very few of you achieved this.

- Adjectives do not replace narrative!

- And for the record your excessive adverb use is strangling me. And not in the nice kinky way. But in the "I want to throw your sentences up against a wall over and over again until the extra words fall off" way.

- Similes and metaphors are your friend, but leading with cliched "this is my college application essay and I am like a great big tree soaking up knowledge" types of metaphors and similes is not how you make friends and influence people.

- "I hope this is okay" introductions about the inadequacy of what I am about to read: you are wasting my time. It's not humility, it's annoying.

- Endings that go nowhere fill me with rage. WHAT WAS THE POINT?

- Endings that assume the reader is stupid and spell out the point like five times. Assume your reader is at least as smart as you. Offer them a gift, don't shove it down their throat.

- Look, most of us aren't special snowflakes. Most of us have experienced loss, heartbreak and mean kids at lunch. Do not try to make your ordinary experiences sound special -- it makes them more mundane -- the value-add you provide is your observation and perspective on those experience. Way too many of you did not bring a value add.

- Knock it off with the sex. It's not that it's TMI. It's that it's boring. Again, what's sexy or interesting is context and observation. Talking about sex to be "edgy" reads, to me, as incredibly jejune and boring.

reannon alerts us to the absence of Poe's mourner this year. Like her, I'm surprised by how solidly I find myself hit by this.

The Rabenmutters of Germany: life where women really can't have it all. At least not until schools stay open past lunch.

First world problems: therapists report rise in green disputes.

And yet another new YA book in which a PoC main character is depicted as white on the cover.

US weapons inscribed with Bible references. And we're trying to convince people this isn't about religion?

About 40% of the way through the Jack/Alonso fic now. This time it's working.

Because this is good.

This is almost like the last 207 days haven't happened, and almost like Jack didn't pay a masseuse for a hand job three fucking days after Ianto died just so he could have all the loss over and done and gone at once.

It is almost like, instead of burning his only photo of Steven, he had left it with Gwen instead.

See, this is why I have to do it this way. Because I can.

Comments

[oberonia.livejournal.com]

I was actually hoping you'd be a gatekeeper this season. We need a little more "Simon" in our critique pool. :)

I really don't understand everyone's aversion to fiction though. Maybe it's because I don't see LJI as a "journaling" competition as much as a "writing" competition. My whole goal was to write something new every week, and LJI has always helped me accomplish that.

[beeker121.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for acting as a gatekeeper, and for your very specific feedback. Thanks too, for offering to answer a question.

I was curious to know if the structure of the first two parts of my entry (http://beeker121.livejournal.com/144208.html) worked for you (though I think I may have been suffering from the Reader's Digest voice you talk about.)


Ack: edited for bad link, sorry.

[notbatman.livejournal.com]

I came because I wanted to see your general thoughts on Gatekeepering (thank you, by the way) and I honestly had no intention of asking for feedback. Seeing the explicitness of both your general thoughts and the honest, pointed critiques I can't help but wonder if my entry (http://notbatman.livejournal.com/304246.html) was engaging and/or interesting apart from the photographic content? (I don't know that it would have worked at all without the photos, but I was a little worried when I learned that these entries would be held to a higher standard than "Ha-ha! You look like a jackass!")

[poppetawoppet.livejournal.com]

being one of those pesky fiction writers, I appreciate your honesty. I walked into this competition blindly, knowing it was a lot of nonfiction journaling, but even though I have a lot of things going on in my life, I'm just not ready to share them all. I tend to get my issues out through fiction (ask any of my fanfic friends about my cycle of death fics)Plus how can I possibly go wrong with zombies?

Anyway, this tl;dr comment is me just saying I really liked reading your thoughts on the whole process, etc, etc.

[graene.livejournal.com]

Lovely review.

Stupid not having money to buy plane tickets and play tickets.

[alephz.livejournal.com]

Hey there! Another of those pesky LJIdol contestants here and I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts on my entry (http://alephz.livejournal.com/359451.html). I know your commentary there will a lot of help to me in the future as it is, but...

Well, heck. If I'm gonna play an "Idol" game, I shouldn't skip out Simon Cowell experience, should I?

Thanks in advance for your critique and for your time. I can imagine Gatekeeper status is eighteen kinds of a headache what with all the time and critique demands (to say nothing of any who might argue with you about your opinions).

ETA: It's been pointed out that asking for general critique is a bad idea, as it drops a lot more on the critic than a critic, perhaps, has time for. I guess what I'd really want to know is: What annoyed you most in my entry? I have a lot of things I need to improve upon in my writing and would love to know which ones are the most glaringly obvious.

Feel free to be brutal.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

Re: the "whitewashing," I find it scary that any company in this day and age feels justified in perpetuating racial stereotypes for the sake of money. Because clearly, money >>> social values? What ever happened to having a conscience? I definitely wrote them a letter about THAT one.

The article on going green/vegetarian/vegan was interesting. Although I have been seriously thinking of ways to conserve resources and eat healthier food, I also recognize that my income doesn't give me a lot of wiggle room. Plus, Sneider could really care less about any such initiatives unless it's something that will save him money. Also understandable. But to be honest, I think it's still really pushy for someone to take those initiatives and then expect everyone around them to do the same. I understand the benefits, but for many people, there are more disadvantages than benefits of adopting a green and/or vegetarian lifestyle. Putting pressure on them to do something they either don't care about or don't want to do is simply unfair.

[connie]

First of all, thank you for being one of the Gatekeepers, and thank you for being critical. It helps all of us.

In terms of my entry, my concerns are that I was overly aggrandizing normal experiences, that I was creating a false tension (by inserting critics with whom I could then argue), and that I was too flowery in my prose. So my question is, did it come across as genuine?

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

This is me, learning to love with a more open hand.

*grins*

[jackolantern.livejournal.com]

Re: the Poe Toaster:

This is the first time since Jan. 19, 1949 that the person, whose identity is unknown, failed to arrive, said Jeff Jerome, curator of the Edgar Allan Poe House.

"I was very annoyed," he said.

"I've been doing this since 1977, and there was no indication he wasn't going to show up," Jerome said.

Hey, dude, maybe he didn't show up because of lookie-lous like you.

[joeymichaels.livejournal.com]

Thank you for gatekeeping - that was an awful lot to read!

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on a terrific review! It really makes me want to see the play!

[supremegoddess1.livejournal.com]

Eh, I'll bite. ;)

Best and worst part of my entry?

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting your criticisms, many of which echo my own thoughts, and for being brave enough to offer concrit to those who ask for it. It almost makes me wish that I hadn't used my bye. Nevertheless, I still enjoy reading about other's approaches, regardless of whether I was the focus of it or not.

[onda-bianca.livejournal.com]

http://onda-bianca.livejournal.com/320252.html

I had intended to draw illustrations for this and have one sentence per page, but time failed me...or maybe I failed time. Either way, on to my question. Keeping in mind that this is intended to be a picture book, what is your first suggestion for revision?

Ha...I know you said one, but since I know what you are likely to think about my entry this week...feel free to tell me how you envision my sheep looking? Bonus points if you can draw one in paint for me. I really wasn't able to draw a Herman I was happy with!

[norda.livejournal.com]

1] I find myself heavy of heart when I think about the absence of Poe's mourner. That little ritual has had great significance to me in many private ways.

2] My own and only question regarding the Gatekeeper round at LJ Idol.. I think I fell into the trap of the 'Readers Digest' voice this week, instead of my usual unconscious channelling of Wodehouse, L'Engle, and Bradbury. Do you agree?

[norda.livejournal.com]

And 3] which should be 1] Fantastic news regarding your play!

[lyrical-liessss.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you're giving out your constructive criticism to individual entries, but I'd like to know what you thought, if you are.

Thanks for the input, it's always good to hear whats going wrong.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Your excerpt gutpunches me.

Congratulations on the positive review as well. Makes me wish I lived a lot further East.

[billijean.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on the great review!

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

I'm on board with you about the overuse of modifiers and metaphors. My husband recently pointed out this Steven King quote to me: "The road to hell is paved with adverbs." This article would be recommended for many writers guilty of those sins.

Likewise, I am turned off by cloying language, pathetic fallacy, and cliched metaphors.