sundries, now with footnotes!

[rm]

I am still ridiculously tired. I feel like most conversations I've had with Patty since we've gotten back have involved me mumbling incoherently and vaguely pawing at her. She tells me it's okay to be sleepy, and then I declare that it's boring. I did go to bed stupidly early last night and forced myself to sleep until 9am today, so hopefully that will help, even if I did wake up in the middle of all that so that we could watch "Fool For Love."

Leading us to Obligatory Buffy Commentary: Oh god, I really am Spike.

Patty: "Did you write bad poetry?"
Me: "Everyone writes bad poetry at some point."
Patty: "Did you use the word effulgent?"
Me: "Entirely possible."

Also, hey, James Marsters can act.

Today we went to the farmer's market and Trader Joe's. In addition to things like asparagus and ramps, we got stuff for our illegal fire-escape garden, including more herbs and a bunch of tomato plants. Assuming it doesn't rain for ALL OF JUNE this year, I figure we're already ahead.

New Yorkers! London has ruined us for Indian food. We have lots of good places in NYC, but nothing that comes close to what we've experienced in the UK. If anyone has any recs for places with awesome jalfrezi, dopiaza or bhuna, we want to know.

Last night or this morning or something (tired, can't remember), I asked Patty to go with me to what will be my 20th reunion at Hewitt^{1, 2}. Despite not graduating from Hewitt, it was ten years of my life, and they've said I'm welcome so I've decided to go.

This is, of course, rather fraught for me, and led to Patty asking why I even wanted to go.

"I just want someone else to see it, to know it's real. When I talk about it, no one believes me. Plus, you'll really like the library."³

"Won't I be at your side?" she asked.

"Maybe I'll be at yours."

Predictably, all of this raises the eternal question of what to wear.

For me, there's no such thing as what makes me comfortable. How can there be when anything I own may feel like drag one day and feel like my own skin the next? And how can there be when I am so innately political, that I'm aware of the agenda of anything I put on?

If I wear a dress am I being vengeful by showing off my awesome body in a way that makes me a hypocrite about body policing, shame and desire? Will I look like I'm trying too hard? Will I seem as weak as I imagine all of them to be? Those delicate women who wouldn't want to offend but once called my father to tell him I was a cock-sucking whore -- when I was twelve.

If I wear a suit (which, you know, is nicer, because it's more me, and hello, armour and make of in-jokes) will it seem just like I'm trying to shock? Will people whisper about how they always knew or about how I'm an artist? Will Patty be assumed to be the alumna and me the dyketastic partner? Will they say, "you know, the only reason I never thought she was a lesbian was because she was just so bad at sports"?

And on and on and on it goes. But I do have to go, to prove to myself that I am not afraid. For me, Hewitt has been a story without end. Now it gets to have one, even if I choose to continue my association thereafter.

But here's something, two somethings, I've never told you, and I guess it matters. First, Hewitt has a terrible reputation. Second? The Hewitt motto is "By Faith and By Courage" and the crest and all involves tall ships at sea. The weird thing about me isn't that all the pieces of me don't seem to fit, it's that they all actually do.

Holy crap! Deadly airborne fungus! Fuck Oregon!

A lot of people deserve blame in the global financial collapse that isn't done with us yet: Goldman Sachs, Iceland, real estate speculators, skankwire.... Wait, WHAT? Also, seriously, who the fuck names a porn site "skankwire"?

Tommy Tomita, the Japanese jazz tour guide of Harlem.

This should go without saying, and I've probably said it before, but I'm so sick of it: I loathe, LOATHE that "Gwen-bashing" is more or less a genre of fic in Torchwood fandom. It really disgusts me.

---

¹ Wow, check out the graduating class photos along the staircases. White dresses mandatory, with advance approval required from the school, because if two girls got the same dress, that would be really embarrassing. I remember girls used to bring in custom sketches of dresses, and we wondered if people would get something really fabulous to get multi-use out of it -- debutante ball, wedding -- but people had the resources that that wasn't necessary; or, if they didn't have the resources, wasn't relevant, since they'd never be a debutante or have a big deal wedding.

² Also? That staircase? Only seniors and faculty members were allowed to use it. Everyone else had to use the servants' stairs.

³ Woah, shit, that reading room thing in the upper half of that photo is new! It's pretty cool, but I wonder how much it mars the effect of the library as I remember it. It had once been the formal dining room in them mansion that housed the Upper School. I used to take French in the servants' quarters.

Comments

[elisi]

Leading us to Obligatory Buffy Commentary: Oh god, I really am Spike.
Am in *such* a rush, but just had to say welcome to the club! :)

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

I would choose a dress.

Living well is the best revenge, and you look amazing in dresses. Specifically, amazing in a way that will hit them where they live.

Wearing a suit, you will still look amazing, but you'll be playing into their dialogue of you. Wearing a dress, they will play into your dialogue for them.

[liminalia.livejournal.com]

Hmm, would a nicely tailored jacket and a pencil skirt work any?

[rm.livejournal.com]

I am thinking my green and white one from Trashy Diva. It's seasonally appropriate sort of that rich, aggressively casual look, and the wood buttons basically preclude me from having to wear expensive jewelry with it, which is not an arena in which I'd like to compete with these women.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

Perfect.

I was thinking either that one or the white silk one, but your jewelry point is well made.

[rm.livejournal.com]

It's also a late-afternoon; early-evening thing, which begs for the "was somewhere before this, am going somewhere else after -- dressing for them, not for you" routine. God, you know we've just lapsed into the secret language of New York Private School Issues, yeah?

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

At least we've got each other.

[habiliments.livejournal.com]

As an Oregonian ... fuck, DO NOT WANT deadly airborne fungi. Shit.

[girlingoldboots.livejournal.com]

I think you should go for the dress. Classy and you can still be comfortable. I like the sound of that green one, and you look good in either dress or suit.

Agreement on the Gwen-bashing. I simply do not understand what's so horrible about her. Yeah she has faults, but who doesn't?

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

Non-Spike James. Northern Exposure (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqEd0afXei4)

[rm.livejournal.com]

Green dress: http://www.trashydiva.com/trashydiva/sweetieGREENMUMS1.JPG

[rm.livejournal.com]

HE WAS ON NORTHERN EXPOSURE? Wow, can't process.

[girlingoldboots.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that is pretty and spring appropriate.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Hey, is yours in Urban Dictionary? I just found out Hewitt is. It's grim. Grim grim grim.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

Fool for Love is the episode that turned me from someone who quite enjoyed Buffy to a true fanatic.

[stephl.livejournal.com]

Also, hey, James Marsters can act.

From time to time.

The scene that intercuts between the alley and the subway is one of my absolute favorite from all 7 seasons. The transitions are just done so well.

I also love, from the conversation between Buffy and Giles toward the beginning of the episode, Giles' "...painful, I was going to say." The quiet moments in their relationship are lovely.

[rm.livejournal.com]

It hasn't changed the way I view the show, but I respected that Spike's information about killing Slayers adhered to actual fight logic, even if, you know, vampires and slayers. Another place where the show could have gone wrong and didn't.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Fool For Love is probably my favorite Buffy ep. I <3 William, the Bloody Awful Poet. Cecily is an idiot. (I have a thing for 19th century poets.)

I actually had a vehement discussion in one of my lit classes in college where some woman said she'd be truly embarrassed to have someone write her a love poem (I think we were discussing Burn's "Red, Red Rose".) I told her that I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world, to be the inspiration to cause someone to want to create something and that I would treasure even goofy poetry. I <3 William; Cecily didn't deserve him.

I've been to my 10 and 20 year reunions and they both went better than I expected. Out of a graduating class of 266 maybe about 100-125 students came to the first one and less than 75 came to the second one. People were generally nicer than I expected.

You'll do fine at your reunion. You are interesting, intelligent, entertaining, and can be as gorgeous/handsome as you want to be. Take multiple outfits, wear what you feel like, and have fun.

My kidlet was totally weirded out about the Oregonian death fungus. I had to explain to her that both our odds of going to Oregon and the odds of it coming here, made it something about which she didn't have to worry. It's still weird, though.

[rm.livejournal.com]

My ten year was fine, but that was for my other school, where I actually had friends (that one, my 20th is coming up in October). This is a more weird, slay the dragont hing. Had I stayed, I would have graduated in a class of nine.

Indian Food

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Sorry the only rec I have is for Dallas, Texas... Clay Pit. (The staff at Clay Pit are really great if you have no idea about what Indian food is and they'll explain anything on the menu to you. They're so patient, it's great!)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

I know Wesley's arc gets the most plaudits -- and deservedly so -- but Spike-as-frustrated-poet gets a magnificent payoff down the line.

After reading the Urban Dictionary entry on Hewitt, I decided to look up Stuyvesant. WTF? Where were all the drugs when I was there? I did LOL at "smart ppl school with 3,000 students, 5 million of them are asian," because, well, yeah.

Re: Skankwiregate ... so, the SEC diddled while Watt Street burned? *ducks*

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh man, all the drugs were sure at Stuyvesant when I was there. But then it was the end of the 80s. Man, fucked up shit went on.

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Thought occurred to me on the green dress; it's the sort of cut and pattern that goes well on smaller figures. You'll look great in it. And if you did wear jewelry, you'd have to wear something with wood to match the button. (Or go without as you said.)

Besides lots of folks don't wear jewelry, either for religious reasons or due to allergies. (Though, in my neck of the woods it's mostly because they are out of the modest dress belief, but hey...)

Did know someone who only bought certain types of jewelry due to all the troubles with diamond and emerald mining.

But that green dress will be perfect for your shape.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And yeah, I'm a big fan of it. I sort of bought it against the advice of a lot of peopel who didn't like the wood accents, but it's so late-30s/early-40s I couldn't not.

In the realm of Hewitt, trust me, EVERYONE, wears jewelry. I suppose now would be a good time to get my ears re-pierced. I've been meaning to do it anyway.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

I found it, but it's much more realistic as opposed to yours which is...ugh.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh, but that's EXACTLY what was going around about it in the 80s (and from articles I've read, the 60s and 70s too) too. It's just sort of appalling, because really? So I studied Latin, French and Spanish and was writing 2 hour essay examinations before I was 12, why?

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

Green dress FTW, but in that sort of a crowd, I think you may need really good shoes and handbag, even without the jewelry. And possibly a revoltingly twee white cashmere cardie if the weather fails. Might be worth renting a bag? Are white gloves too ridiculous?

If you can score something vintage or looks-it in jewelry, maybe carved jadeite beads?

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

..Wow. Such a baby, and yet always those cheekbones..

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

DUDE!
Everything is different in my world now... Jesus, haha!

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

As much as I have many problems with the too-close-to-Anne-Rice stuff in the flashbacks, I have much love for "Fool for Love." Never expected to have Spike break my heart so.

Completely unrelated, but have you seen this?
http://docbrite.livejournal.com/723427.html

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

Wow. My hometown is a hotspot for the damn things.

Crap.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

His voice still hadn't entirely deepend yet, either! ;-p

And at that age, James Marstersand my hubby looked surprisingly alike! I guess 1992 (the year of our wedding and JM's headshot) was the year for lots of curls! ;-p

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Other friends have been part of tiny graduating classes but none quite as small as yours. With 8 others in your class, there would've been no place hide.

I hope it's interesting and fun with very little angst.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Most of the classes at the school were in the low 20s at graduation, but we all particularly hated each other or wanted out or something.

[realtsunamigirl.livejournal.com]

I think that everyone is Spike at some point in their lives, at least everyone who's interesting/worth getting to know.

And yes Marsters can act and will spend a lot of the next few seasons giving you whiplash by ripping your heart out (metaphorically speaking, we are talking Buffy so it bears stating), then cracking you up and then back again, all within the span of a couple of minutes.

Predictably, all of this raises the eternal question of what to wear.

Perhaps have a fabulous outfit of each type picked out and done up to the nines (shoes polished, pocket square folded and extra hose tucked into your purse) and then wait to the day to ask yourself that question. That way you know whatever the answer is, the part of you that is most at the forefront that day is ready to go out and be dazzling. Let the moment make the decision for you.

Just remember, no matter what you choose to wear, you are going to stand out. Instead of an "appropriately moneyed" husband on your arm, you will have a beautiful woman. They have been trudging your way through a "professional career", if they work at all, you will have had a vast and wild series of experiences that have brought you to a point where you are paid to do things you love and that they may have had yearnings towards but were too cowardly to pursue. They will have the statutory number of children and, for the most part, the attendant body spread, you will have the elegant, slender figure that they will envy without understanding how much you have suffered for it. You will be shocking no matter what. I say, for whatever iota it is worth, that you go and be as thoroughly you as you can be.

Just a thought.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

It definitely had a rep for being a school for dumb girls.

I was referring more to the tone of the piece on UD. Bleh.

[realtsunamigirl.livejournal.com]

I think that everyone is Spike at some point in their lives, at least everyone who's interesting/worth getting to know.

And yes Marsters can act and will spend a lot of the next few seasons giving you whiplash by ripping your heart out (metaphorically speaking, we are talking Buffy so it bears stating), then cracking you up and then back again, all within the span of a couple of minutes.

Predictably, all of this raises the eternal question of what to wear.

Perhaps have a fabulous outfit of each type picked out and done up to the nines (shoes polished, pocket square folded and extra hose tucked into your purse) and then wait to the day to ask yourself that question. That way you know whatever the answer is, the part of you that is most at the forefront that day is ready to go out and be dazzling. Let the moment make the decision for you.

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

This should go without saying, and I've probably said it before, but I'm so sick of it: I loathe, LOATHE that "Gwen-bashing" is more or less a genre of fic in Torchwood fandom. It really disgusts me.

It probably goes without saying that I agree with you, but I wanted to add that another thing I hate about it is that a lot of writers who AREN'T bashers now seem scared to write Gwen with flaws/explore darker sides of her nature. It really brings home to me the way that women are supposed to be either perfect or worthless; there's no room for us to be flawed but still wonderful.

[fremen-dancer.livejournal.com]

I love that JM claims he was booted out of Julliard for having something of an attitude and complaining that their student productions were "boring".

He really can act, and I think he contributed a lot to the fact that Spike was one of the most compelling characters on that show by the end.

[fremen-dancer.livejournal.com]

Also, I loved how fooled I was by his Brit accent on Buffy/Angel.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

I loathe, LOATHE that "Gwen-bashing" is more or less a genre of fic in Torchwood fandom. It really disgusts me.

Yes, I agree. I've sort of begun an angry screed about this several times but inevitably and repeatedly decide not to post it.

Speaking of Spike, have you seen Respectable? (The fanvid? It may be spoilery, but the song is just brilliant) :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MR8gvXBr_G0

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

Speaking as a fellow Oregonian, I DO NOT WANT our fine state to spawn something from a low-rent version of The Happening. What'll we get next? Pollen big enough to bite us? Sunlight that can drown people? Leaves that dissolve flesh?

[paulshandy.livejournal.com]

You will probably withdraw your statement that you are Spike eventually, but, yeah, what Masters and the writers did with Spike over the years was amazing stuff.

And I will never give a woman a love poem again. It's evidence to be held against you in a court of public opinion.

[austengirl.livejournal.com]

Indian food: the only places I knew when I lived in New York were in East Midtown. I remember the food being good, but expensive what it was, but I'd been spoiled by very affordable British Indian food by then and I was a recent grad doing an unpaid internship, so pretty much everything in New York fell into the 'expensive' category. Try Chola, the menu is making me hungry just looking at it.

For cooking at home, Patak's is a very popular brand of curry pastes and sauces and I know they're available in the US in most of the varieties you mentioned. I prefer the pastes and marinating myself. If you have trouble finding the ones you want, I'm happy to send some to you.

[schpahky.livejournal.com]

This. Yes. You won't be trying too hard in that, you will just naturally look awesome and a bit Nantucket-ish but not TOO much so. And you can't help having a hot bod. It just IS like the Wall of China is. Won't they understand that?

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

I was Spike too.

I think that's the big thing the writers of the show missed: the people who connected with Spike weren't silly little girls infatuated by a "bad boy"; we were the misfit romantics who saw ourselves in him.

I'm still so incredibly bitter over what the writers did to "teach us" why we were wrong to like him. I can't say "I'm Spike" unproblematically anymore, and can't rewatch the show without getting a little sick.