sundries

[rm]

Last night my father sent me an email about my paper. Despite my specifically stating that I did not want this to devolve into a judgmental conversation about psychology and god, guess what's happening? And he's not even done yet. I have to respond to his letter today, which is, in many ways, incredibly kind, supportive and gracious. But I loathe "I know you asked me not to do X, but I am going to do it anyway." There's only one reason that happens, and it's not a pleasant one.¹

Am totally submitting a proposal for the academic con at Dragon*Con, just have to write in on paper instead of my head. Tried last night, did laundry and took a nap instead.

The oil spill, one month later. ONE MONTH. OIL STILL SPILLING.

Something is happening on DADT today, but what it is, no one is sure. Not only do we not know how the vote is going to go, we're not even sure what the repeal means, as one thing that's being floated is that repeal will merely transfer power to decide this issue back to the Pentagon, and in fact bring us no closer to allowing the gay men and lesbians already fighting and dying for our country to do so openly. Keep an eye on this, as it may be one of those things that gets worse before it gets better. ETA: post with language on this and analysis, in short: "we'll discuss the potential negative impact of homosexuals forever and never fix anything" seems to be a pretty good interpretation of what's up.

Mississippi school denies prom was fake.

The Warren Cup was once banned from American museums because it features explicit sex acts between men. NSFW if classical art is a problem.

Anyone possibly toying with doing scholarship on RPF (or just wants a handy thing to talk about in relation to its existence), should check out this post immediately. via brewsternorth on Twitter.

Last night on Angel and Buffy: Gunn is sort of a dick in terms of getting how to have a relationship and get your damn job done. Also, him and Fred? Paranoid much? Wesley's behaving pretty well; not perfectly, but pretty well. Also, OMG, Hamburger Drive Through Oracle! Paired with the Buffy fast food episode. LOVE. The Earthquake, Fire, Blood has just happened and Angel has made his cryptic remark about a snack and that's all we saw last night.

Meanwhile, annoying Willow plotline continues to be annoying. Seriously, how did we go from "magic is an ethically grey area that can lead to toxic adventures with dark dark things" to "spells don't really do shit other than make you feel good, it's your birthday!"

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¹When I first dyed my hair black when I was 15 and spending the summer taking classes at Yale, my father got very angry, despite the fact that black hair isn't all that different from my natural color. In the ensuing argument, I used the Angry Teen Strategy of Petulant Kids Everywhere, and said "It's my hair!" My father replied "No, it's not." I have lived every moment of my life since then understanding, rightly or wrongly, that he considers me his property.

Comments

[syzygy-lj.livejournal.com]

My dad didn't consider me his property (as far as I know), but anything in the house was "his".

He used to take my bike without asking me, and wouldn't stop when I asked him not to. So I started locking it up. He demanded the key, and I refused to give it to him. He was furious, because how dare I lock up "his" bike? He considered it his property because he claimed he had paid for it. Except that he hadn't paid for it-- I had bought it with my own money, which I had earned at my own job. (Didn't count, though. That money was "his", too.)

That argument went on for an entire summer, and that incident, which happened when I was about 17, has coloured our entire relationship since. We stopped really being friends, and over the years things have gotten very chilly between us. Because it really wasn't about the bike. That's when I realized he didn't respect my privacy, my property, my opinions or me.

[rm.livejournal.com]

There was an incident when I was in college, when I brought a male friend home for Thanskgiving because he could not afford to fly home to the west coast and my parents rescinded their invitation for him to say on our couch after we arrived because "he's too thin and must be gay and we don't want that for you." No matter how much my parents have seriously, seriously mellowed and we get along pretty good now, that happened, and it's never going to unhappen and it hangs between us a lot.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

"he's too thin and must be gay and we don't want that for you."

Did they mean it as "We didn't think you were aware and we don't want your heart broken" or "We don't want you associating with homosexuals"?

Either one is really ugly, I'm just curious.

[rm.livejournal.com]

More the second. I was being daring and didn't know what was good for me, apparently.

[syzygy-lj.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I can see why you'd still be mad about that-- they were making assumptions on your relationship with this guy, judging him on his looks, and rescinding their invitation was rude and left him with nowhere to stay. What happened to your friend? Was he OK?

I have to give my parents credit. They were never very judgmental towards my friends or relationships, and our house had a revolving door on it. My brother and I never felt as though we couldn't bring someone over. They never really interfered in my friendships or relationships, except for one time. When I was about 15, my best friend Wendy was really going off the rails after the death of her mother, and my parents tried to forbid me to see her anymore because they thought she was a bad influence. Of course it didn't work.

As it happens, they were totally right, because Wendy was awful-- but the kind of awful you don't even notice until you're so invested in things that you can't get out. She was my best frenemy until I cut her out of my life about 5 years ago, and I am still reeling from it. So if I had listened to my parents when I was 15, things probably would have been a lot different. But I will never, ever tell them that.

[rm.livejournal.com]

He went to stay with other friends in the city. I eventually went back to Uni early, because I couldn't bear to be in the same house with my parents.
I kept saying "I have a deep voice. Does that mean I'm a lesbian?" in a really nasty voice and couldn't get them to admit that they were terrified of just that.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

I'd get a mix of judgment and "... but it's your hair/life/whatever to screw up as you see fit."

Really the only major issues were 1. No tattoos. Period. (Mom's a nurse. She not only hated the look, she hated that they were permanent & didn't trust any tattoo place to be safe enough medically.) 2. No piercings other than ears as long as we lived there (she just hated them really).

Boyfriends, friends, etc? They didn't always *like* them, but, they didn't interfere *too* much.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

that happened, and it's never going to unhappen and it hangs between us a lot.

very true words, I know what you mean