sundries

[rm]

There is very little doubt I am depressed. This is not the end of the world and purely situational. Depression and anxiety are things I do battle with, and can largely manage through diet and knowing my needs and limits (being gluten-free has helped this immeasurably -- it's made me go from having "spells" to just having periods that are a little tough -- I realize not all depression can be handled this way, and that I'm lucky. The reality is I have a lot of crap thinking patterns combined with some neurological damage from the celiac disease on top of family history with this sort of stuff. It gets better every year, but I'm still leaning me.).

Anyway, of course, being somewhere where I don't have the choices (the food thing is really an issue -- there's tons of gluten-free but not the mix and ratio of things I'm used to eating, so my protein and vitamin intakes are all out of whack) I do back home, coupled with the darkness of the time change and the cloudiness of this valley -- it's tough.

Saying, "hey I'm depressed, and that's real, but the way it's making me feel is a fucking trick of the light" helps a lot. So does slowly building a routine here, being super productive at work, knowing that I'll be seeing Patty in two weeks at most, getting paid for a bunch of overtime I've done, etc.

However, one of the things that happens when I'm like this is I avoid. If you need something from me, gentle nagging is welcome -- really, even once a day. That's complicated here by my communications situation, of course. But it's all good. I'm developing systems.

All of this is the long way of saying, I owed people a ton of stuff yesterday and just couldn't make myself do it. Today I'm settling in to do it (right after this and Wicked Wednesdays).

Things that are good about Switzerland: the salmon. The smoked salmon is really, really good. Also good? The whipped cream on the hot chocolate at Starbucks. So much better. I also damage the environment less just by being here -- less paper, less plastic.

Dogboy & Justine is up to $3,165 in pledges with 62 backers. I'm going to write a love letter to the backers collectively soon here, but I have to wait until the words are with me, 'cause it's gotta be good. I'm not quite there today, although the gratitude is as immense.

So the election. About what we expected, ne? Could have been a lot worse. And I think it changes the stakes for the next to years in a way that I hope will engender greater bravery from the left.

Esther Vergeer is a tennis star who uses a wheelchair. It took posing nude in a major sports magazine for me, and probably you, to have heard of her.

You Will Regret Reading This: The New York Times posted a blog entry asking readers to talk about regrets they've had about financial decisions. After they posted some of the responses, a new series of responses started, this time where people started discussing regrets beyond the financial sphere. Years ago, in this journal, I turned off IP-logging and told people to tell me a secret. It was beautiful, powerful, and horrifying. After several confessions to violent acts that may or may not have actually transpired, I turned the exercise off, and it is not one I will repeat. It was too much to hold.

Fandom, WHUT? The Organization for Transformative Works would be one thing, but WHUT?

More on Merlin -- I really thought I was going to be able to commit to watching this third season, in spite of all the problems, because of those occasional eerie moments I've previously mentioned. Additionally, I'm increasingly liking Merlin the character this season, as he is starting to strike me as a young man who might very well grow into someone much like an original character of mine, and so I am fascinated to watch him. The appearance is not an exact match, but some of the physicality is and the eyes are.

And then I tried to watch the goblin episode. I'm ten minutes in, and I hate myself. Is there any way in which it redeems itself, or should I just skip? Also has anyone written fic for this show that is as dark and sophisticated and the show pretends to be for about 23 seconds an episode?

I've had dreams about Cleopatra two nights in a row. I have no idea why. They feel like very cold, elegant fanfiction about why you should never be in love with Galadriel. It's entirely odd.