big life; small space

I don't think it will ever boil down to a single "do or don't" decision. Every situation is different. What I was frustrated about started with a conversation with a DSW who ran programs at the Harvey Milk School, who told me they didn't do family therapy because they didn't want to be perceived as advocating that kids come out. What a missed opportunity for some of them. I think clinicians need to have training on how to help youth look at all the variables (and really gather evidence rather than just going with a gut feeling - sometimes "Mom will cry and Dad will throw me out" is right on, and sometimes it's 180 degrees away from what happens), weigh them carefully, come to a decision, and make a safety plan in case coming out goes badly. (Or make a coping plan if the decision is to stay in the closet until they can live on their own.) Then use family therapy to help families negotiate the initial "stages of grief" that even very supportive ones often go through.