Aug. 12th, 2003

I have a lot to say about primary myth, art and modern culture later, this is just a note to self to actually do it, as it's all scrawled in a notebook I don't have time to transcribe right now. In short -- I just had a connect the dots moment on my own shit, and I'm all pleased with myself and feel far less of that scattered, unfocused, non-directional self-loathing crap I was in yesterday. Duh duh duh.

Off to rehearsal two.
rm: (blue)
Almost immediately after my last audio blog post, I arrived at Papa John's Pizza, but not before seeing a man cross the street with his large white dog. The man had luggage, and the dog wa on a leash, but the man wasn't holding it. They got up onto the sidewalk and all seemed well. The man seemed tired and out of sorts -- either because of the heat or because something was wrong, it was hard to tell. The dog milled about on the sidewalk, and as I stepped off the curb to get out of it's way, I thought in passing that I should say something to the man about the risk of the dog running out into the street. But animal owners know this, and I've found that dog owners can be extremely and nearly frighteningly rude when you talk to them about the leashing of their animals, no matter how politely, so I turned my headphones up and took about two steps before I see everyone walking towards me freeze in horror, and I turn just in time to see the dog get hit by cars in the middle of eighth avenue.

As is human nature in these things, one does two things -- the first is to freeze, the second is to want to involve yourself in some fashion -- whether to be useful or to gawk. But I was shaking and felt like I was going to vomit and I forced myself to somehow continue walking. Eventually getting to my second theater and grabbing some food elsewhere and calling Kat.

I have an accutely visual memory, and am glad I don't really have sound, other than one woman exclaiming "poor doggie!" to go with any of what happened. Perhaps the worst is my inherent logistical curiosity of what happens next in any and all situations. I've had to tear myself away from those questions mentally repeatedly today.

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