(no subject)

Today has been pretty good. Sent out 19 heashots, 2 postcards and a bunch of Ebay crap. Got paid the money I was owed for January, finally, and had other good income news, despite the postponement of a hostessing gig I had that I had sort of been counting on.

I feel accomplished, and also glad that I can get back to voice lessons now. Now I just have to come up with a plan to address the fact that now that I don't dance at clubs 15+ hours a wee for my own amusement my legs and abs are not at all what they used to be. Obviously, what's needed isn't a plan, but some damn motiviation, but this is a hard area for me to get motivated in, because I've never had to before.

Trying to figure out if I want to go to a horrible industry networking party tomorrow.

Have decided to bake cookies this weekend.

the state of my union

I'm often accused of taking politics personally, which to me is a funny thing. After all, our politics and our government are things that happen in our names as citizens, at least theoretically.

I always watch the State of the Union address and I always watch the political conventions of both parties. This, along with reading a newspaper daily, watching the evening news and voting, were things I was raised to believe were requirements of my citizenship, and while I might well phrase it differently, I can't say I disagree. So I care about politics, and I take them personally. I think everyone else should too.

I live in New York City and always have. I love my city more than I can possibly and reasonably explain. And while I do not believe this place makes me a better or worse person than anyone else, I do believe my affection for it is something of which to be proud. Not everyone has the luxury of loving where they are from, or where they live, and so the blessing of place that I have is something for which I am sincerely grateful.

The Twin Towers were completed when I was less than one year old. I have been able to see them from every residence I have ever had in New York (I make the necessary exception for my time at university). I visited them as a child, and I worked in them as a young adult. In high school, I was able to lay on the roof of my parents' apartment building as a laser light show from them swept up the length of this island on over our home. And the last time I was ever there was on a Christmas Eve.

When they came down, I was lucky. I wasn't there, and no one I was close to was killed or hurt, except my city. People in my life lost friends and spouses and for a period of time their homes. A casual "hey, I'm glad you're okay," was often met with such terrible new definitions of okay that I felt foolish for saying it. I remember my mother talking about a customer at her workplace confessing the death of her fiance and the two of them crying, and holding hands right there in a shop on Fifth Avenue. I ran into an acquaintance in a bar to find out that sixteen of her friends were dead.

So for this, and a million more reasons, I don't appreciate it when my home, my city, my friends, are used to justify military acton that has not made us safer. I don't appreciate it when I am told that my city, my friends and my family are more concerned about terrorism than any other issue. That policies I find reprehensible are being made on my behalf, on our behalf.

Let me tell you what the people I know care about -- being able to pay rent, being able to afford an education for themselves or their children, having healthcare (and shame on you, Mr. President, for telling about the flexibility of the congressional health care plan, when so many Americans are so woefully uninsured and under-insured). We care about the so-called tax breaks we have seen nothing of and that are creating only a tiny fraction of the jobs that have been lost under this administration.

The president spoke a great deal tonight in his speech about character. I'll confess that I've never been entirely sure I've known what character is, at least in its use as a rhetorical device in the political arena. But to me, personally, I will say that chracter is doing what is necessary, even if it makes you uncomfortable or unpopular or puts you yourself at a disadvantage. Character is doing what it takes to get it right. It is recognizing yourself in others, while also recognizing all the ways in which they are different from you. Character is being curious and compassionate. It involves both a willingness to never back down and an ability to say "I'm sorry" and "I made a mistake."

Character, contrary to the president's speech, isn't taught. It is learned. It is learned by living, by making choices, by exploring. We need to talk about giving people the tools to learn character and to build their own character, and we need to stop talking about some singular idea of what character is and how to administer that idea in a way does not, and truthfully never has, acknowledged the complexity of this world.

Character, in my book by the way, isn't about splitting hairs, or semantics or debates about the letter of the law over the spirit of it. It's not about deciding who is better or worse or more deserving. It's about doing things and living life. And to that end, this ridiculous national discussion about defining marriage in our constitution simply must end. Many a church would not marry me to a Christian man, because I'm not a Christian, and I'm just fine with that as such matters are a perogative of faith. Similarly, any church that doesn't choose to perform weddings between couples of the same sex are also more than welcome to that perogative. But not all churches feel that way, and not all Americans feel that way, and if people want to commit to each other in marriage and their fmailies support them and their communities support them and their churches or temples or what have you support them, then what on earth does my government, our government achieve by saying no?

One of the hardest parts of becoming an adult, is learning to respect fear, to listen to what it's telling you and to make a choice about how to act in the face of it. Learning that fear can sometimes keep you safe is an important and powerful thing. However, living fearfully and using fear to manipulate people is neither honorable, nor mature. To return to tonight's theme, it lacks character.

You can probably see where I'm going. Tonight's State of the Union speech lacked character. It was about terror over possiblity and comfort over challenge. It encouraged us to give in to some of our most base instincts and never once reminded us that the good choices are often uncomfortable and unpopular. It was a litany of campaign season false feel-good news at the expense of far too many Americans -- those fighting wars of dubious use; those struggling in our sluggish economy without adequate employment, healthcare or opportunity; and those whose hearts and faiths and families may differ a little or a lot or not at all from those of our lawmakers.

I live in New York City, and I'm not afraid of terrorists. Not because the threat isn't real, but because there are so many other issues that our government has disregarded or handled ineptly that pose a far greater risk to my quality and way of life, and that of my family and friends, every single day.

9/11 should never be used as a justification for bad policy. It's the most disrespectful and agonizing thing imaginable. It is also painfully dishonest, cheap and insulting to the national intelligence. In these times where America should be stepping up to the ideals put forth in its incredible oratorical tradition, all I see us doing is closing down.

This isn't the way it should be. I can only hope that tonight's State of the Union address means that more people will take politics and policy personally. And will get involved in campaigns and vote. The people in office will always claim to speak for us whether they do or not, the least we can do is seek to elect the voices that don't believe in sound-byte answers and have character instead of using it as a cheap and divisive buzzword.