Lost in Translation

Amazingly deft film, that truthfully, I wish I had seen in a theater, alone, when I had something or other I needed to grieve over.

It made me think a lot about when I've travelled alone, and about going to Australia.

But all of that quite aside, I think it's the truest film I've ever seen.

There are things that have happend in my life, when no one who is reading this knew me, and I wrote about them a lot at the time, became a writer, truly, during them, got published over them for the first time. And the truth is, I still don't know really how to talk about them, but it suffices to say that I was once very young, and lonely and unsure, and I thought I loved someone one way, when it was really some other way, and this movie was exactly about the truth I couldn't really see then.

For everything, and lord there was a lot of everything, I still think of him so warmly. Mainly, I think, because I can think of who I was then warmly now too.

I'm just gutted right now.

(no subject)

I don't say this often enough, but I do so love the Internet.

I've found out what the piece of music is in the Vanity Fair trailer, and once I acquire it, many, many more things will be right in my world.

It's grey, cold and grim here, mainly because of the hurricaine in Florida. But it means I can wear my new boots. I've not had knee-high boots in years and years, which really has been quite the failing on my part.

I'm going to go to the farmers market and Virgin records I think. Otherwise, I can't imagine what will drive me out of the house today.

Talked to my parents last night, and it was sort of oddly pleasant. Long drawn out story about the woes of corsets as to why I can never, as a creature interested in costuming, dress as a woman again for Halloween ever. They found it remarkably plausible. My father of course warned me at length that the military coat thing is wool -- but it will be the end of October, I cried, and besides, I only have to mae an entrance, after that, I don't particularly care (I suppose one should acquire plans as well, but that's a seperate problem). Which was so true to form as far as my lack of motivation goes that he laughed and then ranted at me about the evils of Giuliani.

Mom had a couple of Aussie clients at work, and she was chitchatting them about her daughter who is going to some acting program there. They asked which and mom couldn't remember (come now, it's _four_ letters), but then they asked it if were NIDA and mom remembered that was right and everyone was won over, apparently. (My mother sells luxury goods as is very good at it mainly because she is the most guilelessly nice person ever to have lived -- it's sort of bizarre).

I am still itchy, although slightly less so. I am trying to figure out if this is residual from the 12-hours in latex clothing situation or if it might be triggered by the fact that I've consumed a great deal more sugar in the past week than I've allowed myself in the preceeding month - I don't now why this would cause it, but it's the only thing I can think of. Regardless, it's fucking madening.

Watching Amelie today, although, as I've said before, I find I am hard pressed to care.

(no subject)

There are maybe a handful of people reading this who will remember this joke, but it just came up randomly in a conversation elsewhere, and it's making me laugh fondly.

cultofnospaces!

Amelie

Okay, okay, I liked it. That said, it's the sort of film that I just can't decide matters, you know... despite being grogeous, despite being able to identify with it (I am no one's little weasel, certainly). And why I should say this because it's on the light side -- I mean... does Vanity Fair matter? Probably not, but I suppose I'm a fan of the weighty and ponderous. At any rate, I am quite glad I saw it, and redeemed itself from what could have annoyed me by the way that even in the end Amelie looed into the camera as if still observing her own life from afar.

On a seperate note. Save me from the actors forum. I try to be nice and hang out and answer questions, but yes, this is my impolitic rant:
- I hate that people use it to request free copies of specific monologues. If you cannot afford to purchase the play in question, at least go to the bookstore and copy it out by hand like the rest of us.
- I hate that people post things like "my school is doing [whatever play here] -- what do you think of it?" What the hell does that question mean? Do we like it, do we think it's enjoyable for actors, a good learning experience? What are you looking for? Be specific.
- I hate that people spend most of their time there being unspecific about their self esteem. I'd venture to say all actors at all levels of success have self esteem issues, because let's face it, _everyone_ has self-esteem issues because at the end of the day what we are, is what our business is. That said, I don't know what "I'm not pretty enough" means. Or "maybe I'm too shy." Or "my body is not good enough." I don't know what these things mean! I really don't. This is a field that involves both a lot of blind faith and self analysis -- finish your sentences, make the shape of your fears whole! You have to want to do this more than anything in the world. _This_... not, want to have someone like you enough, finally... a lot... _this_ damn you. _This_ has to keep you awake at night, not whether you're pretty enough. You must impose the force of who you are on this world, no matter what you've chosen to do. This doesn't mean get over your shit (ah, if I could), but commit to yourself unreservedly. Be your own advocate, because who the hell else will be? Think about the ways you could be better, not the ways in which you believe you'll never be good enough.
- Will you use Google before you ask us... being resourceful means knowing how to still find answers when you're all alone. Because if you do this, sometimes you will be. Maybe a lot.