![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jan. 30th, 2005 12:56 pmI'm sort of uncontrollably annoyed with myself today, and I have to go to work in a minute. I'm just frustrated, and feel graceless and like an easy irritant who is always over committed in a general logistical sense and in her own head as well who can never be exactly how and who everyone else wants me to be (which gives me all sorts of pause about what the fuck am I doing creatively).
The worst thing about being back in NYC is all my insecurities and rages come with it. And I need to figure out how to get free of that here, or there's no way I'm going to be able to pull off this round of auditions coming up, and I just refuse a version of the world where I can only act if I'm on the other side of the fucking planet. NIDA, being absurd, has put me on their paper mailing list, which makes sense, but it's funny, to essentially get airmailed junk-mail from them.
I saw The Aviator last night, which is everything cinema should be. Just a brilliant film, made with exceptional detail, but extraordinarily hard to watch (although the first hour or so is unbelieveably funny in large part thanks to Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn, a ridiculous little cameo from Jude Law as Errol Flynn (can we have a whole movie of that please?) and the utterly surreal presense of "Happy Feet"). It punched a lot of my buttons from general stuff about airplanes and ambitions, to guilty pleasure stuff about directorial whatever to really uncomfy stuff about mental functioning. Among other things, the color palattes in it were just brilliant, and while it's not a soundtrack I need to own, I do need to hear the score again, because there was something really clever going on in it that I need to hear again to figure out if it was borrowed from where I think it was borrowed from. I did spot at least one really sloppy continuity thing which drove me up the wal (involving the teenage girlfriend and an icecream spoon) and I try not to be the person who looks for that sort of thing.
Also Luhrmann's Alexander has to get made now. Because while I will never take back all the bitchy things I've said about DiCaprio over the years, he can in fact pull off playing Alexander (The Aviator proving it). As a tangental aside, I hadn't realized how much Alexander had ruined Colin Farrel for me -- until he was in a preview for a film that looks neither here nor there but is by a director I like -- and I couldn't stop laughing. Pretty boats though.
I think I'm going to retreat behind the keyboard later and just write. I've been listening to Medieval Babes at work all week and it's peripherally spawning something (as is that sampler CD I got in Sydney -- actually it's spawning two things, one being a bit of fannish nonsense, the other being something I've really legitimately have to set to paper). Also I've got stuff to type up and edit that I've been behind on.
Also, I've got to write everything going on into my calendar tonight, so I have a sense of what is going on beyond the minute to minute panic. Also, I've been called in to audition for something called "7 Blowjobs", the most horrifying part of which is I apparently have to sing at the audition? I've also gotten called in for some one act where I'd be playing Jackie O?
The worst thing about being back in NYC is all my insecurities and rages come with it. And I need to figure out how to get free of that here, or there's no way I'm going to be able to pull off this round of auditions coming up, and I just refuse a version of the world where I can only act if I'm on the other side of the fucking planet. NIDA, being absurd, has put me on their paper mailing list, which makes sense, but it's funny, to essentially get airmailed junk-mail from them.
I saw The Aviator last night, which is everything cinema should be. Just a brilliant film, made with exceptional detail, but extraordinarily hard to watch (although the first hour or so is unbelieveably funny in large part thanks to Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn, a ridiculous little cameo from Jude Law as Errol Flynn (can we have a whole movie of that please?) and the utterly surreal presense of "Happy Feet"). It punched a lot of my buttons from general stuff about airplanes and ambitions, to guilty pleasure stuff about directorial whatever to really uncomfy stuff about mental functioning. Among other things, the color palattes in it were just brilliant, and while it's not a soundtrack I need to own, I do need to hear the score again, because there was something really clever going on in it that I need to hear again to figure out if it was borrowed from where I think it was borrowed from. I did spot at least one really sloppy continuity thing which drove me up the wal (involving the teenage girlfriend and an icecream spoon) and I try not to be the person who looks for that sort of thing.
Also Luhrmann's Alexander has to get made now. Because while I will never take back all the bitchy things I've said about DiCaprio over the years, he can in fact pull off playing Alexander (The Aviator proving it). As a tangental aside, I hadn't realized how much Alexander had ruined Colin Farrel for me -- until he was in a preview for a film that looks neither here nor there but is by a director I like -- and I couldn't stop laughing. Pretty boats though.
I think I'm going to retreat behind the keyboard later and just write. I've been listening to Medieval Babes at work all week and it's peripherally spawning something (as is that sampler CD I got in Sydney -- actually it's spawning two things, one being a bit of fannish nonsense, the other being something I've really legitimately have to set to paper). Also I've got stuff to type up and edit that I've been behind on.
Also, I've got to write everything going on into my calendar tonight, so I have a sense of what is going on beyond the minute to minute panic. Also, I've been called in to audition for something called "7 Blowjobs", the most horrifying part of which is I apparently have to sing at the audition? I've also gotten called in for some one act where I'd be playing Jackie O?
