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my general ability to function
Jan. 29th, 2005 12:47 amI sort of freaked out today. Being back is hard, mainly because I think I jumped back into it all too fast. I'm working two jobs right now, although one will soon become a minimal time committment, but still manages to solve a lot of problems.
I also have several auditions in the next week, my historical dance classes, numerous stressful family obligations (that may include flying to the West Coast briefly and soon), and a lot of things that would put me under pressure even if I weren't jet-lagged and trying to function with the shift from 16+ hours of daylight a day (all of which I saw) to about 7 (none of which I see).
At the point that I accepted all of this as reality things got better. It all doesn't have to happen right this second. So I've just resigned myself to realizing that I can't do everything every day and have to make choices, and that this is why being an actor in general is hard and why my do-or-die attitude coming back into it here also makes it hard.
My friends understand. I have to keep telling myself this. Everyone I'm supposed to see, speak to, etc. can be patient until I'm civil and functional.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rahalia_cat certainly won't mind being able to get to bed early every other night. catelin, tsarina and graene can wait for phone calls (I'm thinking it's Sunday evening for the lot of you, but we'll see). My parents can wait another week to see me. I've got Muskettes ("the musk that's a must have!") for roadnotes, and I owe justpat some social time. I'm seeing a few friends tomorrow, and in a week, I'll feel like I have a routine as opposed to this panic that I'm constantly either a) missing out on things or b) am letting people down.
So one one hand, I'm all insecurity and imbalance. But on the other, I feel productive, challenged, blessed and on the verge of a lot of good stuff, personal and professional -- one day I'll make a firm decision on how much of a difference there is, but today is not that day as the only date I've got is with the King Arthur DVD.
Anyway, I'm trying and am extra discombobulated right now, so all I can ask for really other than patience is direct communication, because a Slytherin without enough sleep is a Gryffindor -- in short, I can't do mazes and puzzles right now, just bash into things until they do what I want or I get bored. Rawr.
I also have several auditions in the next week, my historical dance classes, numerous stressful family obligations (that may include flying to the West Coast briefly and soon), and a lot of things that would put me under pressure even if I weren't jet-lagged and trying to function with the shift from 16+ hours of daylight a day (all of which I saw) to about 7 (none of which I see).
At the point that I accepted all of this as reality things got better. It all doesn't have to happen right this second. So I've just resigned myself to realizing that I can't do everything every day and have to make choices, and that this is why being an actor in general is hard and why my do-or-die attitude coming back into it here also makes it hard.
My friends understand. I have to keep telling myself this. Everyone I'm supposed to see, speak to, etc. can be patient until I'm civil and functional.
rahalia_cat certainly won't mind being able to get to bed early every other night. catelin, tsarina and graene can wait for phone calls (I'm thinking it's Sunday evening for the lot of you, but we'll see). My parents can wait another week to see me. I've got Muskettes ("the musk that's a must have!") for roadnotes, and I owe justpat some social time. I'm seeing a few friends tomorrow, and in a week, I'll feel like I have a routine as opposed to this panic that I'm constantly either a) missing out on things or b) am letting people down.So one one hand, I'm all insecurity and imbalance. But on the other, I feel productive, challenged, blessed and on the verge of a lot of good stuff, personal and professional -- one day I'll make a firm decision on how much of a difference there is, but today is not that day as the only date I've got is with the King Arthur DVD.
Anyway, I'm trying and am extra discombobulated right now, so all I can ask for really other than patience is direct communication, because a Slytherin without enough sleep is a Gryffindor -- in short, I can't do mazes and puzzles right now, just bash into things until they do what I want or I get bored. Rawr.
