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Jun. 21st, 2005
It is a good day in the Australian junk food department. The one U.S. place that carries coconut ice, just got a shipment in (which they seem to do only about once a quarter), so I ordered some, and now can be a little less hordy with what ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
neo_nym sent me (this is their Darell Lea page, neo_nym -- they don't seem to have your caramels, but they have a lot of stuff: http://www.aussieproducts.com/products.asp?dept=92). In fact, i'm going to go eat a chunk for breakfast.
And the Australian food place I normally order from has gotten in the bottles of traditional lemonade at long last. I'm just going to order like one with my order, it's not something I need, but the taste of it will totally remind me of Wendy, the official NIDA bartender (also, fabulous actress and movement teacher) and that whole weird social scene at school.
It's interesting having the same sort of fickle summer weather-wise here as I did there. Makes me miss it, hugely. And I wonder if I'm going to be a mess in January not to be there. One of the things I'm having to make peace with, and this is a very specific peculiarity, is that no, I don't get to take a month out of my life every year and wander around NIDA -- no matter how much time I'm able to spend in Australia. That's not my path. It's not bloody summer camp. Maybe I'll study there again, maybe I won't, in any number of contexts, but that's not a break I can keep taking from the work, even as it is also part of the work. And it makes me sad. Of course, I've mythologized it (amazingly, having actually experienced it) as the source of the sort of working/other relationships I crave, because of the intensity and specificity of the whole thing. Aie. Fuck. I'm 32, and want the grown up versions of the friendships I had when I was 12. Some days it seems futile and even misguided, and it hurts. I know, in many ways it just means I have to go out into the world more, but among other things (like doing battle with the mundane stupidities of NYC), I am still deeply in struggle with this idea of learning to be the one who chooses, accepts, elevates... whatever my mythological vocabulary of the day is, and the one who is chosen. I'm not a child anymore, nor some slip of a hopeful girl, and certain very specific dreams and fantasies aside, I must make the world I want, and that means putting myself in the right place and hoping so hard just isn't enough. This is very hard for me though, and it's why I get all fucked up everytime I hear "When I Meet the Wizard" from Wicked. Because I _know_. Speaking of which, do you know I actually have that as a ringtone on my phone, but unassigned? I think that's a lovely bit of sadness and absurdity on my part.
My father, he of "you've been bamboozeled by foreigners," asked me if I still missed Australia the other day. "Yes." I suppose he's right to find it puzzling, this place he's never been, and probably will never see. But I also tend to think he should be used to it; my parents are at a remove from so much of my life, of course they should lose me to the unseen. Really, that is all there is.
Didn't know I was this preoccupied today.
neo_nym sent me (this is their Darell Lea page, neo_nym -- they don't seem to have your caramels, but they have a lot of stuff: http://www.aussieproducts.com/products.asp?dept=92). In fact, i'm going to go eat a chunk for breakfast.And the Australian food place I normally order from has gotten in the bottles of traditional lemonade at long last. I'm just going to order like one with my order, it's not something I need, but the taste of it will totally remind me of Wendy, the official NIDA bartender (also, fabulous actress and movement teacher) and that whole weird social scene at school.
It's interesting having the same sort of fickle summer weather-wise here as I did there. Makes me miss it, hugely. And I wonder if I'm going to be a mess in January not to be there. One of the things I'm having to make peace with, and this is a very specific peculiarity, is that no, I don't get to take a month out of my life every year and wander around NIDA -- no matter how much time I'm able to spend in Australia. That's not my path. It's not bloody summer camp. Maybe I'll study there again, maybe I won't, in any number of contexts, but that's not a break I can keep taking from the work, even as it is also part of the work. And it makes me sad. Of course, I've mythologized it (amazingly, having actually experienced it) as the source of the sort of working/other relationships I crave, because of the intensity and specificity of the whole thing. Aie. Fuck. I'm 32, and want the grown up versions of the friendships I had when I was 12. Some days it seems futile and even misguided, and it hurts. I know, in many ways it just means I have to go out into the world more, but among other things (like doing battle with the mundane stupidities of NYC), I am still deeply in struggle with this idea of learning to be the one who chooses, accepts, elevates... whatever my mythological vocabulary of the day is, and the one who is chosen. I'm not a child anymore, nor some slip of a hopeful girl, and certain very specific dreams and fantasies aside, I must make the world I want, and that means putting myself in the right place and hoping so hard just isn't enough. This is very hard for me though, and it's why I get all fucked up everytime I hear "When I Meet the Wizard" from Wicked. Because I _know_. Speaking of which, do you know I actually have that as a ringtone on my phone, but unassigned? I think that's a lovely bit of sadness and absurdity on my part.
My father, he of "you've been bamboozeled by foreigners," asked me if I still missed Australia the other day. "Yes." I suppose he's right to find it puzzling, this place he's never been, and probably will never see. But I also tend to think he should be used to it; my parents are at a remove from so much of my life, of course they should lose me to the unseen. Really, that is all there is.
Didn't know I was this preoccupied today.
I can't believe I'm asking this
Jun. 21st, 2005 02:12 pmIf I'm sort of obsessed with Rufus Wainwright's "The One You Love" which I have on a sampler CD, which album should I get (not in terms of it having this soung, but in terms of it having that sort of sound)?
celebrity gossip moment
Jun. 21st, 2005 05:44 pmMy one comment on the whole Tom/Katie thing, especially in light of this gem from Fox (believe you me, source well considered) http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,160192,00.html Link via ktnb, who I think was also the one who posted the link to the MSNBC thing the other day on the Scarlett Johanssen part of the story.
Anyway, my only commentary is that, wow, this whole thing makes me wish Wild Palms was out on DVD.
ktnb, who I think was also the one who posted the link to the MSNBC thing the other day on the Scarlett Johanssen part of the story.Anyway, my only commentary is that, wow, this whole thing makes me wish Wild Palms was out on DVD.