sundries

I am ill. I have not eaten enough things of unknown gluten variables for this to be gluten, I don't think. I think I actually have an intestinal thing. If the shivering and the pain and the almost throwing up last night are anything to go by.

Sherlock fanfic is very, very good. However, I think it's a terrible thing to read, especially when I'm ill, since Sherlock's run-on-sentence, bored/hates everything, static-in-his head, everything-goes-white panic attacks actually are pretty good textual representations of what it feels like when I have a nice pothos-filled attack of self-loathing. Reading someone else in that place, even if they are fictional and a bazillion times more fucked than me is not actually pleasant.

Speaking of pothos or at least generalized misery... So that screenplay writing contest? I came in last, LAST in my heat for the first round. Last. I should be very disappointed in myself. I should be worried you are very disappointed in me. Oddly, I'm finding myself hard-pressed to care. I was aware of the number flaws in the piece, and also aware of how likely male judges would be put off by the piece's overt (and admittedly student-workish) feminism. I have no further use for that script, but am glad I wrote it because it means I Learned How to Do a Thing and also figured out what I need to do better, and I might not have been otherwise motivated. But wow, does it make me reluctant to feel motivated to crank out another one this weekend. But dignity must.

I am quite a bit too sick and dizzy to be all Dogboy & Justine! at you right now. But I shall be. Soon. Although probably not until Monday as that is more useful to all. Fuck alliteration, it's time to do this thing.

Meanwhile it's down to me and one other person in a casting that isn't something I'm emotional about (so it's not that), but would be a nice check, super fun, and incredibly hilarious. No idea when I'll know anything.

Sometimes I think I'm supposed to tell you all how I get shit done and make shit happen, because I try to be a tornado of will and maybe that's useful to someone, and I believe in the Grand Motivating Speech. But sometimes I think I'm supposed to tell you all the shit that prevents me from getting shit done, or makes it hard, so that I seem like less of an asshole for insisting that all things are possible if you want to pay the toll (and yeah, some tolls aren't worth it). I don't know. I do know, however, that I hate that the idea of trying to be a motivating force is apparently offensive because it implies that there aren't obstacles. I can believe in the reality of both obstacles and possibility. I do. I am lucky my brain lets me, I know. But yes. Even when I feel like I do today, even when I fail, even when I'm terrible and insecure, all things are still possible.

I have seen a casting notice re: new Doctor Who promos for BBCA that is hilarious.

The best thing on the Internet today is #secretlyevilpaulcornell

Gally attendees: check the website now if you want to be a panelist.

A rash of must-see movies is hitting the theater, because it is the season. I should probably hold out for my screeners. But I feel so behind.

In news I didn't know, I've gotten onto two spam mailing lists: one of which thinks I'm five months pregnant, the other of which thinks I have a 14-month old child. In the abstract, both could be true. Neither are.

I have discovered what puts me (as an eclectic agnostic) off some pro-atheism campaigns (am totally okay with athiesm, just as I am totally okay with deism; I am just really not okay with how various people can work with both those things): The whole "It's just a stupid story" thing. STORIES AREN'T STUPID. STORIES ARE VERY IMPORTANT. I can't actually get down on the Bible changing someone's life anymore than I can get down on The Vampire Lestat, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Jane Eyre or House of Leaves (random list is random) doing the same. STORIES ARE IMPORTANT. And it's the crap you do with them that matters, how they change your life. But then, I am not a rationalist, God or no.

I'll try to add linkies at some point today, but right now both I and the Internet are uninspired, and I've scads of work to do.