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rmTitle: All the Pretty Little Horses
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers (if any): None.
Warnings (if any): Illegal drug use.
Word Count: ~3,700
Summary: Summer jobs and various acts of excess.
This continues from:
Following Home
These Thousand Names for Gratitude
All the Honesty of Politics
Circles as the Dark Winds Down
The Distance Between Ohio and Boston
“Blaine, air conditioner. TODAY,” Kurt says, as he angrily flips through the clothes in his closet looking for something he can stand to wear in this heat. Boston is positively disgusting in the summer.
It's not that it's actually warmer than Ohio or any more humid. It's that there are more people and terrible air flow in their apartment and it never, ever seems to cool off at night. And it's one thing to be sweaty and disgusting and aggravated all the time, and it's another to be that way when you're sleeping next to someone. Fuck the environment, because Kurt is so done with this.
“It's going to --”
“Blaine?”
“Yeah?”
“I don't care. About the electric bill or the rain forests or a rash of theoretical brown outs in 2018. Right now I care about not killing you. Or me. Or the neighbors.”
“All right, but you're installing it after work.”
Kurt shoves another shirt aside and rolls his eyes. “I love being the man of the house.”
*
The shop, thankfully, has air conditioning.
Kurt doesn't think he could stand to sort people's cast-offs without it. While they get do get some exceptional pieces in on a fairly regular basis, there isn't a day that Kurt isn't stuck explaining at least once that the worst of the 1970s and pit stains aren't really a part of the whole designer consignment aesthetic. But this week they're letting him do the windows, and it makes up for a lot.
He still texts Blaine at lunch to ask if he's bought the damn air-conditioner yet.
*
On the list of discoveries Kurt never expected to have and is slightly surprised by, is the fact that dressing and undressing mannequins is actually quite challenging.
They're unwieldy, and they don't move, which is how he winds up enlisting Lisa and Odi – (“Like drugs,” Odi says; “It's actually Odette; her parents named her after a spy,” Lisa explains; “Or odious,” the girl in question continues) – to help him with them.
“A professional always removes the hands and feet first,” Odi explains, and that's when Kurt realizes they haven't been sizing up the new boy as a threat, but are just as weird and broken as pretty much everyone else he's ever known.
*
Kurt figures out pretty quickly why Blaine didn't want to be the one to install the air conditioner. It's not that it's heavy (although it is) or that Blaine doesn't know how to use a phillips-head (he does), it's that it's really hard not to drop the damn thing out the window during the installation process.
“Do you know how I know this was the right decision?” Kurt asks as he flips it on, still panting from the struggle to keep it from flying free.
“How?”
“You're looking at me like that little display turned you on.”
“And?”
“Exactly.”
“Not feeling it?”
“I hate summer, Blaine.”
“You hate winter too.”
“No. I hate being cold. In winter, I can wear beautiful clothes. Summer, however, is not fashion forward, no matter what that Macy's catalog, that should be burned, tells you,” Kurt says and has to bite his tongue to keep from nagging Blaine about throwing out it and the rest of the pile of catalogues that's been accumulating on the kitchen table of late.
*
Blaine comes by the shop at closing the night that Kurt's windows go up. They sit on the sidewalk across the street to admire them as Blaine pops open a bottle of sparkling cider and pours it into plastic cups so that the two of them can toast.
Kurt laughs like he's embarrassed, but he isn't really. This probably isn't what he wants to do with his life, but he's proud of it anyway. He snaps a picture of it with his iPhone and sends it to Carole. She'll show it to his dad, who's still refusing to upgrade to a phone that does anything more than, well, phone.
“So,” Kurt says, in that voice that Blaine knows means Awkward Conversation Ahead. “I can pay a proper amount of rent that I know I'm not obligated to but would probably make us all feel a lot better this summer... or I can buy us a piano.”
Blaine closes his eyes for a moment and sips his cider. Kurt knows he's not thinking it over, but relishing the moment.
Us.
“As long as you pay the electric bill,” Blaine says lightly.
It's a deflection, but it doesn't matter. The piano wins.
*
Lisa and Odi become obsessed with Project Piano; Kurt's not really sure why. They've never heard him sing; they don't know him that way; and when they ask, he refuses, for reasons he's uncertain of. But it feels nice to have a secret superpower other than being gay and having a really hot boyfriend.
Because everybody, everybody, always wants Blaine.
Mostly Kurt finds it funny. Sometimes he doesn't. There are far, far too many people at both of their schools who don't really have friends, just people they know who they think will help further their very big and not necessarily delusional ambitions.
There's a thing with some girl named Nevada that practically has Kurt throwing things. It's not that he's jealous, although he might have gotten there had she not turned out to be evil so quickly. It's that Blaine is betrayed.
The whole thing reminds Kurt of Rachel and Quinn and all the times they decided they were going to rule the school with this or that boy; but Blaine, hapless, sweet Blaine who thinks the best of everyone, doesn't even see it coming until she tries to kiss him, and he's gracefully not interested, and she ungracefully tells him how he was supposed to help her conquer the world.
But the most ridiculous part is that Kurt's standing right there for 80% of it. Sometimes, he feels like a ghost.
*
When he doesn't feel like a ghost is at the shop or when he walks the two miles home from it, talking to Carole and Finn and his dad in quick succession on his phone. He doesn't feel like a ghost when he sings, going to lessons twice a week while school's out and doing scales in the shower because he's not awake enough for anything else. And he doesn't feel like a ghost when Blaine comes home from rehearsal bouncing with joy over some little 16-bar solo because Kurt knows he was the one that made that happen.
And so he doesn't feel like a ghost when Blaine touches him, even if he doesn't always understand physical sensation the way he thinks he's supposed to. Blaine lets him evaluate each new thing with yes (textures) and no (ice) and maybe (bondage, although only if Blaine's the one getting tied up) and sound (candle wax, because he doesn't want to talk about it at all, ever, but yes, yes, yes and yes).
Kurt could feel, he knows, like a ghost when they go dancing, but he doesn't, because Blaine is pretty like everyone and he is pretty like no one, so Blaine may be the half of them who catches attention, but Kurt is the half of them who keeps it.
*
Wes and Pris come up from New York one Thursday afternoon and Blaine meets them at the train station after his last tutoring session of the day.
He'd tried to get Kurt to do the tutoring thing too – the pay better for fewer hours than any consignment shop – but Kurt had hedged, saying he hadn't the patience for it, when the truth was he just worried about seeming too fucking queer for anyone to feel good about hiring him to help some eight-year-old with his French.
So Blaine brings their friends by the shop to show off Kurt's windows before they all go to dinner, Lisa and Odi tagging along for Thai food and Wes talking about how it's even hotter in New York.
*
“The thing about dressing mannequins,” Kurt says at one point like he's an expert, “is that you have to take the feet off first.”
The six of them wind up back at the apartment, sitting on the living room floor and sharing a bottle of wine as Pris rolls a couple of joints.
“My political career is over,” Blaine groans at one point as Wes opens a window and places a towel under the door.
When Kurt reaches for the joint, Pris looks at him like he's stupid. “But you sing.”
“I still want to try it,” he says, annoyed that people always think singing's supposed to make him good.
*
There's a moment, when he realizes he's sitting on the floor with a bunch of giggling girls and looks up to see Blaine and Wes sitting on the sofa and speaking quietly to each other about something that so clearly doesn't involve him, that Kurt feels like he's back at McKinley, like this exquisitely dysfunctional world won't let him in because it's the only way it can save him.
Lisa and Odi leave just before the T shuts down, while Blaine manages to be coordinated enough to set up the air mattress for their guests.
As Kurt strips out of his skinny jeans in their bedroom, he finds himself thinking about mannequin feet, and even though they have visitors, he goes to bed naked and is eager to make Blaine come when he finally joins him.
“That really is shit for your voice, you know,” Blaine says in his afterglow, as he teases Kurt lazily.
“Tell me tomorrow.”
“I'm only telling you now because you're clearly enjoying this so much.”
Kurt makes a noise that Blaine knows means more and now, even as he's never heard it before.
“What do you want?” he asks.
“Something new.”
Blaine ponders for a moment before picking up Kurt's hand and sucking on one of his fingers. As he swirls his tongue around it, Kurt gasps loudly enough that Blaine feels he has to put a hand over his mouth, and Kurt clearly likes that too, smiling against his palm and moaning.
*
“What are you so distracted by?” Blaine asks, grabbing Kurt's waist and cuddling close to him as they wait for a better song to lure them back out onto the dance floor.
“Them,” he says, nodding his head vaguely towards Wes and Pris who are still out there.
“Wes and Pris?” Blaine asks, incredulous.
“Not them. Next to them.”
There's a couple, and they're only vaguely dancing. But that doesn't mean they're not moving to the music, but it's more hands and tongues and biting each other's lips and trying to climb inside each other, but slow, not frantic, and Blaine's not sure they really know there's anything else in the world besides each other. He and Kurt don't really do things like that in public. But it's definitely, definitely how he feels about him, kind of all the time.
“They are really high,” Blaine says.
Kurt nods.
“You're not usually so voyeuristic.”
“New things,” Kurt says, and Blaine kisses his neck. It's enough for Kurt to finally take his eyes off the dance floor and twist in his arms to face him. “What were you and Wes talking about last night?”
Blaine smiles sly, like Kurt's just said something particularly clever and he's proud. “That's more his story to tell than mine.”
“Old or new?” Kurt asks.
“Old.”
“Did you two have a thing? Before I met you?”
Blaine chuckles and shakes his head. “I don't really have an answer to that that's going to be entirely true. Like I said, more his story than mine. You're not, like, worried about it or anything, are you?”
Kurt laughs and shakes his head. “No,” he said and brushes his fingers briefly over his boyfriend face. “I just want to know everything.”
*
Kurt's never not going to be sneaky. Blaine's understood that for a while now. It doesn't mean he's good at it, but it does mean that Blaine's learned, especially since that drama with Kurt calling his mom, to keep an eye out for relatively unexpected traffic signs. One particularly reliable source? When Kurt uses his computer and then leaves recent Google searches open in separate tabs.
That was how the air-conditioner conversation had started. And the thing with the candle wax.
Today it's MDMA. And really, Blaine feels entirely weird about Kurt's responsibility quirk kicking for the sake of researching illegal drugs. But, like a good boyfriend, he reads the pages about crappy reactions people can have and agreements for minimizing relationship impact (and there is nothing about that phrase that feels comforting) as Kurt putters around the kitchen making making them all breakfast.
Entertaining before noon, is always omelets for Kurt, and Blaine gives a little involuntary gasp as he suddenly knows what they will look like doing this at thirty. It hits him so hard it actually pins him to the chair for a moment, hands gripping the edge of his desk. Kurt's always been more knowing than him, and he wonders if he feels this way all the time.
*
They talk about it a lot. Openly. It's sort of weird. It would feel like an important evolution in their relationship, except it's about drugs, and Blaine's pretty convinced that that's not allowed to count, although he keeps that particular thought to himself because it's the sort of weird thing that would hurt Kurt's feelings.
They agree to only take a half at first, just in case it's miserable for either of them. They agree to do it out, dancing, because that seems fabulous, but without their friends, because it's none of their business. They agree no other people, not at all, and Blaine even says they should write notes to themselves about that and keep them in their wallets or their pockets or whatever just in case something really stupid seems like a good idea at the time.
“Like that thing with your mom.”
“Well, no, not like that,” Blaine says. “But yes.”
They agree to make no relationship decisions in the hangover and to be heavily scheduled the next day so that no matter how awful they feel, they have to go do things in the world and not dwell. And they agree that Kurt will go to Lisa and Odi to ask about finding a source because they're exactly those types of girls.
“How do you know?” Blaine asks.
“I don't know, Blaine, I thought the black-light sensitive tongue piercing was kind of a dead giveaway, you know?”
“What's their deal anyway?”
“No idea. Although, they are sort of a set. I assume if they were sleeping together, they'd tell me.”
*
“Okay, this part where we wait feels entirely stupid,” Kurt says, clutching his bottle of water and waiting to feel entirely awesome or entirely awful. In the moment, he's sort of embarrassed by the whole crazy plan, and appalled that it's become such a big deal and that he gets hard just thinking about getting fucked up with Blaine.
Fifteen minutes later, he's definitely not feeling stupid or embarrassed. Thirty minutes after that, Blaine's pressed up against him on the dance floor and Kurt can't stop envisioning the mobius strip of sensation they are as they rock against each other even as there's no urgency to come, but just to map everything about the other.
“We should have done this at home,” Kurt gasps.
“Taxi? Home? Other half?” Blaine asks, close and wet against his ear.
Kurt nods and tries to set Blaine away from him. The taxi's going to be a fucking nightmare.
*
The taxi actually isn't a nightmare, because Blaine is a genius.
He says they each have to stay as close to the door on their respective sides of the cab as possible, and he tells Kurt to close his eyes and just feel that he's there, totally with him, even if they aren't touching for these fifteen minutes.
Because they've made it through worse, it works.
*
Home is chaos – there's water and naked and the other half – until they finally hit the bed, Blaine on his hands and knees rubbing the top of his head all over Kurt's body. And Kurt can't stop laughing because the curls tickle.
But Kurt can't bear it when he can't reach any of Blaine to kiss and so mouths at the side of his own hand just to work his jaw. Eventually they wind up kissing around Kurt's fingers, wet and messy and stupid with desire.
*
When Blaine pushes him over onto his belly Kurt thinks he can't do this, that it's already way too intense and that where he's used to being a little drunk making that easier to deal with, this, which he thought would be the same, is actually exactly the opposite.
But Blaine is tracing his lips down Kurt's spine, making this a different problem entirely.
*
Kurt babbles as Blaine works his tongue over his hole, and Blaine gets lost in both the sound and sensation of it. Distantly, he's aware that Kurt's being really, really loud, that they've both been really, really loud all night and that they may even manage to earn themselves an awkward note from the neighbors about it, but he doesn't care because Kurt is happy, and he is mesmerized and messy.
The noise isn't an expression of pleasure, but the pleasure itself, vibrating up through bones and tissue, and Blaine knows that he never knew what it meant to be good before he had Kurt to be good for.
*
It's well past five in the morning when they find themselves sitting up against the headboard starting to come down. Blaine's holds a glass of water for Kurt as he drinks, his boyfriend too trembly and exhausted to be sure he wouldn't drop it if he held it himself.
“Good?” Blaine asks softly.
Kurt nods. “We're going to feel awful tomorrow.”
“Probably.”
“Regrets?”
“None.”
“Do we need to write notes to ourselves about that?” Kurt teases.
Blaine shakes his head and looks down at the state of their bed. “So much laundry,” he says sadly.
Kurt laughs.
“You know I didn't need to do this to feel this way about you, right?” Blaine says, somewhat abruptly, like he's just thought of it and it's a somewhat alarming thought.
Kurt nods and curls into Blaine's side, enjoying the way his boyfriend absently pets his hair. He's sure Blaine thinks he's asleep when he finally gets around to actually responding.
“I didn't either. I thought it would make stuff less... I don't know. Scary.”
“Scary how?”
“This whole thing seems to be so easy for you – sex, us, school – linear, like you know how to play grownup. And I feel like I'm bouncing around on a pinball table sometimes.”
“But it didn't make it less scary?” Blaine asks, trying hard to understand but not really up to the task and pretty sure they're breaking some agreement they'd made about relationship discussions in the aftermath, but maybe this isn't over yet, so it's allowed. He's just not sure.
Kurt shakes his head. “No. Right now, I don't think any of it's supposed to feel any differently than it does. I don't think I'm supposed to feel any differently than I do.”
Blaine nods. He can tell there's more and he just has to wait for Kurt to find it.
“In school, I hated, hated, that I was gay,” Kurt says pulling away from him and sitting up cross-legged on he bed. “I wasn't ashamed. But it just... sucked. I didn't know if I was supposed to wish I was a girl or wish I was straight or what, but I wasn't any of those things, and I just hated it. I hated having to tell everyone that I didn't choose this. Like it's destiny. It may be romantic, Blaine, but I hate the idea of destiny.”
Blaine nods. His thought process wasn't the same, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know exactly what Kurt's talking about anyway. “And now?” he asks.
“I think I'm very glad I got to choose to be here.”
“We should try to get some sleep,” Blaine says gently, and Kurt acquiesces without fussing about skin care or the state of their sheets.
*
“You look horrible,” Lisa says.
“Or very, very good,” Odi adds.
“Do you think I can keep the sunglasses on in here, or does that make me look like too much of an asshole?” Kurt asks.
They laugh and it's piercing. He tries not to wince, but he does anyway.
“Why are you even here?” Lisa asks.
“Project Piano,” Kurt says. It's an easier answer than explaining all their agreements about the aftermath.
This time, when Odi asks him to sing, he complies, his voice soft and clear and full of some sad lullaby that's all he can manage to summon under the circumstances.
They lean against him afterward, none of them needing to say anything to understand.
Next: Languages You Don't Even Know
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers (if any): None.
Warnings (if any): Illegal drug use.
Word Count: ~3,700
Summary: Summer jobs and various acts of excess.
This continues from:
Following Home
These Thousand Names for Gratitude
All the Honesty of Politics
Circles as the Dark Winds Down
The Distance Between Ohio and Boston
“Blaine, air conditioner. TODAY,” Kurt says, as he angrily flips through the clothes in his closet looking for something he can stand to wear in this heat. Boston is positively disgusting in the summer.
It's not that it's actually warmer than Ohio or any more humid. It's that there are more people and terrible air flow in their apartment and it never, ever seems to cool off at night. And it's one thing to be sweaty and disgusting and aggravated all the time, and it's another to be that way when you're sleeping next to someone. Fuck the environment, because Kurt is so done with this.
“It's going to --”
“Blaine?”
“Yeah?”
“I don't care. About the electric bill or the rain forests or a rash of theoretical brown outs in 2018. Right now I care about not killing you. Or me. Or the neighbors.”
“All right, but you're installing it after work.”
Kurt shoves another shirt aside and rolls his eyes. “I love being the man of the house.”
*
The shop, thankfully, has air conditioning.
Kurt doesn't think he could stand to sort people's cast-offs without it. While they get do get some exceptional pieces in on a fairly regular basis, there isn't a day that Kurt isn't stuck explaining at least once that the worst of the 1970s and pit stains aren't really a part of the whole designer consignment aesthetic. But this week they're letting him do the windows, and it makes up for a lot.
He still texts Blaine at lunch to ask if he's bought the damn air-conditioner yet.
*
On the list of discoveries Kurt never expected to have and is slightly surprised by, is the fact that dressing and undressing mannequins is actually quite challenging.
They're unwieldy, and they don't move, which is how he winds up enlisting Lisa and Odi – (“Like drugs,” Odi says; “It's actually Odette; her parents named her after a spy,” Lisa explains; “Or odious,” the girl in question continues) – to help him with them.
“A professional always removes the hands and feet first,” Odi explains, and that's when Kurt realizes they haven't been sizing up the new boy as a threat, but are just as weird and broken as pretty much everyone else he's ever known.
*
Kurt figures out pretty quickly why Blaine didn't want to be the one to install the air conditioner. It's not that it's heavy (although it is) or that Blaine doesn't know how to use a phillips-head (he does), it's that it's really hard not to drop the damn thing out the window during the installation process.
“Do you know how I know this was the right decision?” Kurt asks as he flips it on, still panting from the struggle to keep it from flying free.
“How?”
“You're looking at me like that little display turned you on.”
“And?”
“Exactly.”
“Not feeling it?”
“I hate summer, Blaine.”
“You hate winter too.”
“No. I hate being cold. In winter, I can wear beautiful clothes. Summer, however, is not fashion forward, no matter what that Macy's catalog, that should be burned, tells you,” Kurt says and has to bite his tongue to keep from nagging Blaine about throwing out it and the rest of the pile of catalogues that's been accumulating on the kitchen table of late.
*
Blaine comes by the shop at closing the night that Kurt's windows go up. They sit on the sidewalk across the street to admire them as Blaine pops open a bottle of sparkling cider and pours it into plastic cups so that the two of them can toast.
Kurt laughs like he's embarrassed, but he isn't really. This probably isn't what he wants to do with his life, but he's proud of it anyway. He snaps a picture of it with his iPhone and sends it to Carole. She'll show it to his dad, who's still refusing to upgrade to a phone that does anything more than, well, phone.
“So,” Kurt says, in that voice that Blaine knows means Awkward Conversation Ahead. “I can pay a proper amount of rent that I know I'm not obligated to but would probably make us all feel a lot better this summer... or I can buy us a piano.”
Blaine closes his eyes for a moment and sips his cider. Kurt knows he's not thinking it over, but relishing the moment.
Us.
“As long as you pay the electric bill,” Blaine says lightly.
It's a deflection, but it doesn't matter. The piano wins.
*
Lisa and Odi become obsessed with Project Piano; Kurt's not really sure why. They've never heard him sing; they don't know him that way; and when they ask, he refuses, for reasons he's uncertain of. But it feels nice to have a secret superpower other than being gay and having a really hot boyfriend.
Because everybody, everybody, always wants Blaine.
Mostly Kurt finds it funny. Sometimes he doesn't. There are far, far too many people at both of their schools who don't really have friends, just people they know who they think will help further their very big and not necessarily delusional ambitions.
There's a thing with some girl named Nevada that practically has Kurt throwing things. It's not that he's jealous, although he might have gotten there had she not turned out to be evil so quickly. It's that Blaine is betrayed.
The whole thing reminds Kurt of Rachel and Quinn and all the times they decided they were going to rule the school with this or that boy; but Blaine, hapless, sweet Blaine who thinks the best of everyone, doesn't even see it coming until she tries to kiss him, and he's gracefully not interested, and she ungracefully tells him how he was supposed to help her conquer the world.
But the most ridiculous part is that Kurt's standing right there for 80% of it. Sometimes, he feels like a ghost.
*
When he doesn't feel like a ghost is at the shop or when he walks the two miles home from it, talking to Carole and Finn and his dad in quick succession on his phone. He doesn't feel like a ghost when he sings, going to lessons twice a week while school's out and doing scales in the shower because he's not awake enough for anything else. And he doesn't feel like a ghost when Blaine comes home from rehearsal bouncing with joy over some little 16-bar solo because Kurt knows he was the one that made that happen.
And so he doesn't feel like a ghost when Blaine touches him, even if he doesn't always understand physical sensation the way he thinks he's supposed to. Blaine lets him evaluate each new thing with yes (textures) and no (ice) and maybe (bondage, although only if Blaine's the one getting tied up) and sound (candle wax, because he doesn't want to talk about it at all, ever, but yes, yes, yes and yes).
Kurt could feel, he knows, like a ghost when they go dancing, but he doesn't, because Blaine is pretty like everyone and he is pretty like no one, so Blaine may be the half of them who catches attention, but Kurt is the half of them who keeps it.
*
Wes and Pris come up from New York one Thursday afternoon and Blaine meets them at the train station after his last tutoring session of the day.
He'd tried to get Kurt to do the tutoring thing too – the pay better for fewer hours than any consignment shop – but Kurt had hedged, saying he hadn't the patience for it, when the truth was he just worried about seeming too fucking queer for anyone to feel good about hiring him to help some eight-year-old with his French.
So Blaine brings their friends by the shop to show off Kurt's windows before they all go to dinner, Lisa and Odi tagging along for Thai food and Wes talking about how it's even hotter in New York.
*
“The thing about dressing mannequins,” Kurt says at one point like he's an expert, “is that you have to take the feet off first.”
The six of them wind up back at the apartment, sitting on the living room floor and sharing a bottle of wine as Pris rolls a couple of joints.
“My political career is over,” Blaine groans at one point as Wes opens a window and places a towel under the door.
When Kurt reaches for the joint, Pris looks at him like he's stupid. “But you sing.”
“I still want to try it,” he says, annoyed that people always think singing's supposed to make him good.
*
There's a moment, when he realizes he's sitting on the floor with a bunch of giggling girls and looks up to see Blaine and Wes sitting on the sofa and speaking quietly to each other about something that so clearly doesn't involve him, that Kurt feels like he's back at McKinley, like this exquisitely dysfunctional world won't let him in because it's the only way it can save him.
Lisa and Odi leave just before the T shuts down, while Blaine manages to be coordinated enough to set up the air mattress for their guests.
As Kurt strips out of his skinny jeans in their bedroom, he finds himself thinking about mannequin feet, and even though they have visitors, he goes to bed naked and is eager to make Blaine come when he finally joins him.
“That really is shit for your voice, you know,” Blaine says in his afterglow, as he teases Kurt lazily.
“Tell me tomorrow.”
“I'm only telling you now because you're clearly enjoying this so much.”
Kurt makes a noise that Blaine knows means more and now, even as he's never heard it before.
“What do you want?” he asks.
“Something new.”
Blaine ponders for a moment before picking up Kurt's hand and sucking on one of his fingers. As he swirls his tongue around it, Kurt gasps loudly enough that Blaine feels he has to put a hand over his mouth, and Kurt clearly likes that too, smiling against his palm and moaning.
*
“What are you so distracted by?” Blaine asks, grabbing Kurt's waist and cuddling close to him as they wait for a better song to lure them back out onto the dance floor.
“Them,” he says, nodding his head vaguely towards Wes and Pris who are still out there.
“Wes and Pris?” Blaine asks, incredulous.
“Not them. Next to them.”
There's a couple, and they're only vaguely dancing. But that doesn't mean they're not moving to the music, but it's more hands and tongues and biting each other's lips and trying to climb inside each other, but slow, not frantic, and Blaine's not sure they really know there's anything else in the world besides each other. He and Kurt don't really do things like that in public. But it's definitely, definitely how he feels about him, kind of all the time.
“They are really high,” Blaine says.
Kurt nods.
“You're not usually so voyeuristic.”
“New things,” Kurt says, and Blaine kisses his neck. It's enough for Kurt to finally take his eyes off the dance floor and twist in his arms to face him. “What were you and Wes talking about last night?”
Blaine smiles sly, like Kurt's just said something particularly clever and he's proud. “That's more his story to tell than mine.”
“Old or new?” Kurt asks.
“Old.”
“Did you two have a thing? Before I met you?”
Blaine chuckles and shakes his head. “I don't really have an answer to that that's going to be entirely true. Like I said, more his story than mine. You're not, like, worried about it or anything, are you?”
Kurt laughs and shakes his head. “No,” he said and brushes his fingers briefly over his boyfriend face. “I just want to know everything.”
*
Kurt's never not going to be sneaky. Blaine's understood that for a while now. It doesn't mean he's good at it, but it does mean that Blaine's learned, especially since that drama with Kurt calling his mom, to keep an eye out for relatively unexpected traffic signs. One particularly reliable source? When Kurt uses his computer and then leaves recent Google searches open in separate tabs.
That was how the air-conditioner conversation had started. And the thing with the candle wax.
Today it's MDMA. And really, Blaine feels entirely weird about Kurt's responsibility quirk kicking for the sake of researching illegal drugs. But, like a good boyfriend, he reads the pages about crappy reactions people can have and agreements for minimizing relationship impact (and there is nothing about that phrase that feels comforting) as Kurt putters around the kitchen making making them all breakfast.
Entertaining before noon, is always omelets for Kurt, and Blaine gives a little involuntary gasp as he suddenly knows what they will look like doing this at thirty. It hits him so hard it actually pins him to the chair for a moment, hands gripping the edge of his desk. Kurt's always been more knowing than him, and he wonders if he feels this way all the time.
*
They talk about it a lot. Openly. It's sort of weird. It would feel like an important evolution in their relationship, except it's about drugs, and Blaine's pretty convinced that that's not allowed to count, although he keeps that particular thought to himself because it's the sort of weird thing that would hurt Kurt's feelings.
They agree to only take a half at first, just in case it's miserable for either of them. They agree to do it out, dancing, because that seems fabulous, but without their friends, because it's none of their business. They agree no other people, not at all, and Blaine even says they should write notes to themselves about that and keep them in their wallets or their pockets or whatever just in case something really stupid seems like a good idea at the time.
“Like that thing with your mom.”
“Well, no, not like that,” Blaine says. “But yes.”
They agree to make no relationship decisions in the hangover and to be heavily scheduled the next day so that no matter how awful they feel, they have to go do things in the world and not dwell. And they agree that Kurt will go to Lisa and Odi to ask about finding a source because they're exactly those types of girls.
“How do you know?” Blaine asks.
“I don't know, Blaine, I thought the black-light sensitive tongue piercing was kind of a dead giveaway, you know?”
“What's their deal anyway?”
“No idea. Although, they are sort of a set. I assume if they were sleeping together, they'd tell me.”
*
“Okay, this part where we wait feels entirely stupid,” Kurt says, clutching his bottle of water and waiting to feel entirely awesome or entirely awful. In the moment, he's sort of embarrassed by the whole crazy plan, and appalled that it's become such a big deal and that he gets hard just thinking about getting fucked up with Blaine.
Fifteen minutes later, he's definitely not feeling stupid or embarrassed. Thirty minutes after that, Blaine's pressed up against him on the dance floor and Kurt can't stop envisioning the mobius strip of sensation they are as they rock against each other even as there's no urgency to come, but just to map everything about the other.
“We should have done this at home,” Kurt gasps.
“Taxi? Home? Other half?” Blaine asks, close and wet against his ear.
Kurt nods and tries to set Blaine away from him. The taxi's going to be a fucking nightmare.
*
The taxi actually isn't a nightmare, because Blaine is a genius.
He says they each have to stay as close to the door on their respective sides of the cab as possible, and he tells Kurt to close his eyes and just feel that he's there, totally with him, even if they aren't touching for these fifteen minutes.
Because they've made it through worse, it works.
*
Home is chaos – there's water and naked and the other half – until they finally hit the bed, Blaine on his hands and knees rubbing the top of his head all over Kurt's body. And Kurt can't stop laughing because the curls tickle.
But Kurt can't bear it when he can't reach any of Blaine to kiss and so mouths at the side of his own hand just to work his jaw. Eventually they wind up kissing around Kurt's fingers, wet and messy and stupid with desire.
*
When Blaine pushes him over onto his belly Kurt thinks he can't do this, that it's already way too intense and that where he's used to being a little drunk making that easier to deal with, this, which he thought would be the same, is actually exactly the opposite.
But Blaine is tracing his lips down Kurt's spine, making this a different problem entirely.
*
Kurt babbles as Blaine works his tongue over his hole, and Blaine gets lost in both the sound and sensation of it. Distantly, he's aware that Kurt's being really, really loud, that they've both been really, really loud all night and that they may even manage to earn themselves an awkward note from the neighbors about it, but he doesn't care because Kurt is happy, and he is mesmerized and messy.
The noise isn't an expression of pleasure, but the pleasure itself, vibrating up through bones and tissue, and Blaine knows that he never knew what it meant to be good before he had Kurt to be good for.
*
It's well past five in the morning when they find themselves sitting up against the headboard starting to come down. Blaine's holds a glass of water for Kurt as he drinks, his boyfriend too trembly and exhausted to be sure he wouldn't drop it if he held it himself.
“Good?” Blaine asks softly.
Kurt nods. “We're going to feel awful tomorrow.”
“Probably.”
“Regrets?”
“None.”
“Do we need to write notes to ourselves about that?” Kurt teases.
Blaine shakes his head and looks down at the state of their bed. “So much laundry,” he says sadly.
Kurt laughs.
“You know I didn't need to do this to feel this way about you, right?” Blaine says, somewhat abruptly, like he's just thought of it and it's a somewhat alarming thought.
Kurt nods and curls into Blaine's side, enjoying the way his boyfriend absently pets his hair. He's sure Blaine thinks he's asleep when he finally gets around to actually responding.
“I didn't either. I thought it would make stuff less... I don't know. Scary.”
“Scary how?”
“This whole thing seems to be so easy for you – sex, us, school – linear, like you know how to play grownup. And I feel like I'm bouncing around on a pinball table sometimes.”
“But it didn't make it less scary?” Blaine asks, trying hard to understand but not really up to the task and pretty sure they're breaking some agreement they'd made about relationship discussions in the aftermath, but maybe this isn't over yet, so it's allowed. He's just not sure.
Kurt shakes his head. “No. Right now, I don't think any of it's supposed to feel any differently than it does. I don't think I'm supposed to feel any differently than I do.”
Blaine nods. He can tell there's more and he just has to wait for Kurt to find it.
“In school, I hated, hated, that I was gay,” Kurt says pulling away from him and sitting up cross-legged on he bed. “I wasn't ashamed. But it just... sucked. I didn't know if I was supposed to wish I was a girl or wish I was straight or what, but I wasn't any of those things, and I just hated it. I hated having to tell everyone that I didn't choose this. Like it's destiny. It may be romantic, Blaine, but I hate the idea of destiny.”
Blaine nods. His thought process wasn't the same, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know exactly what Kurt's talking about anyway. “And now?” he asks.
“I think I'm very glad I got to choose to be here.”
“We should try to get some sleep,” Blaine says gently, and Kurt acquiesces without fussing about skin care or the state of their sheets.
*
“You look horrible,” Lisa says.
“Or very, very good,” Odi adds.
“Do you think I can keep the sunglasses on in here, or does that make me look like too much of an asshole?” Kurt asks.
They laugh and it's piercing. He tries not to wince, but he does anyway.
“Why are you even here?” Lisa asks.
“Project Piano,” Kurt says. It's an easier answer than explaining all their agreements about the aftermath.
This time, when Odi asks him to sing, he complies, his voice soft and clear and full of some sad lullaby that's all he can manage to summon under the circumstances.
They lean against him afterward, none of them needing to say anything to understand.
Next: Languages You Don't Even Know
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 02:31 pm (UTC)...and I would have been the person going 'the laundry, so much laundry'.
These pieces always feel like tiny works of art - like they should be presented against an off-white background with a seat in front of them so that you can sit back and consider them properly, to get the full transfer of idea and emotion. I love them very much.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 02:42 pm (UTC)i absolutely love this line. it's so true in a really sad way and really observant.
i love this series, it's so different and realistic.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 03:04 pm (UTC)well, except for one. you're missing a have in he finds himself thinking about mannequin feet, and even though they visitors, ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:18 pm (UTC)And thank you for the catch! Fixed now!
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 03:10 pm (UTC)Hopefully, the boys don't develop a habit! )=
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:19 pm (UTC)This definitely isn't a story about "oh no, boys do too many drugs!" but Kurt in particular is casting around in the excesses of college looking for ways to deal with the stuff that rattles him. The fact that it's not really working is to the better, but he's definitely still in the middle of that process.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 04:11 pm (UTC)Bah. Anyway, good chapter.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:21 pm (UTC)And yes, sometimes big things happen when it seems like nothing is happening at all. It was nice for me as a writer, and I think for them as characters to get out of the school year landmark place and just have that long stretch of fake real-life that is summer to play with.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 04:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:24 pm (UTC)I think they are starting to hit a place where it's going to be sort of okay for a while, but god, this stuff is hard at my age, and it was hard when I was doing it in my 20s. Fumbling around at it at 18 is just brain-breaking to me. On the other hand, I think they have an advantage because they are young enough to be idealists but have both dealt with enough shit that they know it's going to be hard.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 04:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:24 pm (UTC)They surprise me too. Constantly.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 04:16 pm (UTC)...and now I sound like I'm the one who's high.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 04:41 pm (UTC)Color me impressed.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:25 pm (UTC)I've definitely had some of the fucked up moments these boys have, but they are, more or less, far more competent than I. That's the pleasure of writing a fantasy, even a realistic one.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 04:49 pm (UTC)Beautiful.
***
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 05:35 pm (UTC)I love love LOVE this little verse/series of yours.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:23 pm (UTC)I can totally see Kurt being the handyman in this relationship. What with his dad being awesome and probably teaching him how to do everything. Considering that I think Finn would probably break everything he touches.
He'd tried to get Kurt to do the tutoring thing too – the pay better for fewer hours than any consignment shop – but Kurt had hedged, saying he hadn't the patience for it, when the truth was he just worried about seeming too fucking queer for anyone to feel good about hiring him to help some eight-year-old with his French.
Awwww, Kurt.... Poor boy. :(
Now that I think about it. Are there many openly gay teachers in schools? (I went to a Catholic school system. So the prejudices were pretty much built into the system.) I can see prejudices making parents and school boards nervous.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:29 pm (UTC)As to the schools question -- I don't know, because I went to high school/primary school so long ago. I do know that many of my gay friends that work with kids worry that they'll be perceived as predators just for being gay from time to time. I don't work with kids, but if I did, I'd probably worry about that too, although I don't know how much that actually happens anymore.
Certainly, there are periodic court cases where teachers sue after getting fired for mentioning that they are gay to twelve-year0olds (i.e., "Why don't you have a wife?" "Oh, because I live with my partner and he's a man.") So it's still a mess. I can see Kurt being very nervous of it. Blaine can pass for straight, and it's one of the awkward unaddressed issues between them.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:34 pm (UTC)Peeking in on how people deal with drugs is fascinating for me since I never went there. Thanks for the details.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 06:37 pm (UTC)And oh, Project Piano <3
(And reading this makes me so, so homesick for Massachusetts/Boston, especially since the last time I was there was the summer. It was all I could think about while reading this, so A+)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 10:24 pm (UTC)And I'm really glad Boston works for you. I'm intentionally vague about it because it's not my city and I'd rather be vague that fuck it up for people who are from there (this is how I feel about New York; also the vagueness helps put more focus on the ridiculous situation the boys are in), but I do spend a lot of time there, so I'm glad the feeling comes across.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 09:38 pm (UTC)GOD.
And I can't even articulate how I feel about the piece as a whole yet. Maybe later.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 10:23 pm (UTC)I'll be curious for the rest of your thoughts (and even though Kurt's all "I'm over it" with the substance thing, so not.)
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 12:54 am (UTC)This was written from a certain degree of personal experience as well, and I'm glad it translated for you.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 12:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 02:21 am (UTC)I adored this.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 02:10 pm (UTC)And yeah, I think Kurt really does need his friends to be visibly freaks and geeks. I think it's why he has a certain wariness around a lot of people Blaine knows (to the extend we've seen them) because he's less sure of them being broken.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 03:56 am (UTC)The noises I make when I read this series are nothing like any other fic has ever caused me to make. They're--I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this because it's so, so silly--but I feel like for the first time, I understand why people deeply appreciate art. I'm not one of those people, so when they tell me that they look at a painting and it moves them or makes them think, I want to ask, "How? It's just colors on a canvas." But this series makes me understand it, because even though it's just words on a screen, it transcends that and becomes art. And that's the best way I can describe the noises this series causes me to make.
Also, my cat judges me while I make them and it's funny to see her -_- face so totally take that as an incentive to never, ever stop. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 07:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 05:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 06:26 am (UTC)This line, "Eventually they wind up kissing around Kurt's fingers, wet and messy and stupid with desire.", struck me the most and even I can't figure out why. hm.
Anyhow, this little series, 'verse, what have you is just enchanting and pulls at my heart in the best ways. Please continue! I look forward to the rest.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-16 02:08 pm (UTC)There will be more, but not sure when -- my schedule is sort of intense and I may have to time writing these to when I am stuck on transit with nothing else to do.