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Interestingly, in the Finn/Santana scene I was really relieved that he didn't say something much worse. Yes, he went for the sexuality button, but he didn't insult her for being gay - he insulted her for being a coward about it. Which turned out to be just as horrible for the character in the end, but.... There is a difference, and while I don't like him for outing her, the way he did it was much less awful than it might have been. Also? While I have enormous sympathy for Santana being outed when she isn't ready, and think the actress is amazing, it must be acknowledged that she was being cruel to him, actively cruel, when he was trying to be nice, and she basically challenged him to find a way to hurt her. Is it an excuse? No. Is outing someone worse than calling them fat, talentless, and stupid? Yes, but.... It's not quite as simple "as asshole cis gendered straight guy is cruel to the lesbian because she is gay." I don't particularly like Finn either, but I also don't give Santana a blanket pass for her years of cruelty to others just because she is gay and now suffering for it. It sucks, but as useless as Finn is, I think he's getting a bit too little credit here.