(no subject)

[rm]

My not quite rightness of the last couple of days is starting to pass -- it's been mental and physical, but I'm not real sure where it's originated.

Been promoting the show fiercely, and I've got to send out another stack of postcards to casting directors this weekend -- I got about 40 out yesterday, which is about half. Postcards are the biggest hassle ever. But such is the nature of the business. Someone should make every teenager who wants to be a start sit down and write "this is what it's like to be an actor" 10,000 times, because between learning lines (which I often do by rote) and sending postcards, it's really true.

My big bruise is in its yellow stage now -- so yay, almost done. But gawd, I'm annoyed by it.

I've said this before recently, but I need to do some photography work soon, only because I am looking at my pictures and they are all from another moment. I seem too young in them, and they speak so clearly to me amusing myself -- I mean I hate to say this about anything I do -- but there's a lack of savvy in them as regards the self-commodification thing. Of course, I've had a sudden bout of inspiration lately, so I'm a bit mad, but really... I think pictures now would be a whole new thing... even with that damn Edwardian jacket winging it's way to me right now.

Have noticed that I'm very hesistant about articulating my view of self right now -- it comes from this trying to get strong business -- I always expect people to snort and laugh at me, because not a single person I know today has ever seen me strong, and even when I was strong I was willing to accept arbitrary limitations for the comfort of others. But in short, I can be strong, and I can be beautiful, because I can be not interested in the expectation of others. Still hard to articulate... just had a moment of epiphany last night wasting time on the internet. You all know how that goes.... grim thing, that is.

Four fucking hour rehearsal tonight.

Later I think I'm going to make a list of all the shit people said I could never do, that it seems I'm doing anyway. Some days I need that.

Hey, Kat... horsies? http://www.prospectpark.org/acti/main.cfm?target=horse

Comments

[schpahky.livejournal.com]

not a single person I know today has ever seen me strong

I am trying to understand this. Not even your friends?

[rm.livejournal.com]

I've not been physically strong since I stopped pursuing dance as a professional career, and as I have no friends from high school, and only one or two from late in my college career, no.

[graene.livejournal.com]

But I still remember your awesome flexibility and general fitness with awe. When's the last time you kicked your nose for the hell of it?