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Did a quick scribble through of my taxes just now. It's bad. Really bad, but not disastrous. Manageable. Makes my rent that's already due a little later, but I have a plan with that, so both taxes and it can be paid by the end of the weekend. Federal anyway. State no, but that's okay, because I don't have a bad situation with them, and I can do an extension there. Still, it makes me nuts, and just typing this post is an act of viewing and accepting my reality. I did have a sort of weird epiphany in understanding the tax code too -- but that's hard to explain, just I suddenly "grokked" it, which was like really alarming. Granted, I've been coding economics stuff all day at work, and sometimes I just get into a zone with it.

The good news is that one of my major debts will be paid off before the end of this year, and I'll be able to deal with getting all personal loans underway and dealt with starting next month and hopefully paid up by the end of the year. I can see a horizon where the juggling is over, where my credit is improving, etc etc etc. It will work out.

So outside of magic phonecalls, It'll be 2006 before I get back to Sydney, but after that, I should actually be able to go twice a year like I want to or whatever. If I squint just right, I can see how parts of Houston St. can look like parts of Anzac Parade, and just knowing there's a place so goddamn far away, makes me feel better about New York. That's strange, isn't it? I even found a place to order coconut ice from. And had an inspiration on a short short piece for the rapidly approaching Doorknobs & Bodypaint deadline.

Mostly, I just wonder at my certitude. Before, after and now.

Tangentally relevant aside -- I've written about my "all things are now" outlook -- I kinda don't believe in time as anything more than a perceptual thing. And I can explain that very eloquently at times. But wow, watching the bad bad bad (but fun) Dune miniseries on Sci-Fi last night, makes me never, ever want to talk about that again.