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May. 19th, 2005 08:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmAt some point I will be able to function again. Maybe even tomorrow, right now it doesn't feel like it though.
At least today is the last day of the industrial, after which I should find the eneregy to tell you all of the goat story, and to ramble on about how weird it is to be on a farm, in peasant costumes, and then see like random trucks go by -- I love technology and strongly doubt I would actually want to live a truly simple life, but I think it is a tremendous shame that we are unable to distinguish between want and need in our use of it.
I 100% must get my shit together for Tiny Dynamite by our Friday rehearsal. This involves some line stuff, but mostly giving myself a strict talking to. Once I can do that, I can face four days of audition doom (2 Saturday, 2 Sunday, 1 Monday, 1 Tuesday) with a clear conscience. Unfortunately this also seems to involve pulling a cockney accent out of my ass, which I actually think I can do, as the text is half written that way anyway -- besides, I've always wanted to play a 16-year-old ex-prostitute working at a pig slaughterhouse. Yeah, it's just that sort of week, you know?
There is also a possibility, that I hope to have resolved today, that over the weekend I will be working in the middle of the night becase of a deadline associated with something we cover in Europe. This is fine, but I just need to know so I can plan the state of well, everything.
I can't decide if I am or am not abiding by the "doing less to do more" rule in all this. Certainly the stuff I'm doing is not the sort of stuff I was yelling at myself for doing, but clearly there's a certain lack of understanding of the concept of pacing in all this, or perhaps there is just no such thing as pacing in this business.
I understand why all these people in the business seem to meditate or do yoga or whine on and on about some spiritual practise or other, because my god, you have to do something to keep it together, but lord knows if I've figured out what. And these people have support staff. Me? I'm just attacked by goats.
Mimi was a fucking ho.
At least today is the last day of the industrial, after which I should find the eneregy to tell you all of the goat story, and to ramble on about how weird it is to be on a farm, in peasant costumes, and then see like random trucks go by -- I love technology and strongly doubt I would actually want to live a truly simple life, but I think it is a tremendous shame that we are unable to distinguish between want and need in our use of it.
I 100% must get my shit together for Tiny Dynamite by our Friday rehearsal. This involves some line stuff, but mostly giving myself a strict talking to. Once I can do that, I can face four days of audition doom (2 Saturday, 2 Sunday, 1 Monday, 1 Tuesday) with a clear conscience. Unfortunately this also seems to involve pulling a cockney accent out of my ass, which I actually think I can do, as the text is half written that way anyway -- besides, I've always wanted to play a 16-year-old ex-prostitute working at a pig slaughterhouse. Yeah, it's just that sort of week, you know?
There is also a possibility, that I hope to have resolved today, that over the weekend I will be working in the middle of the night becase of a deadline associated with something we cover in Europe. This is fine, but I just need to know so I can plan the state of well, everything.
I can't decide if I am or am not abiding by the "doing less to do more" rule in all this. Certainly the stuff I'm doing is not the sort of stuff I was yelling at myself for doing, but clearly there's a certain lack of understanding of the concept of pacing in all this, or perhaps there is just no such thing as pacing in this business.
I understand why all these people in the business seem to meditate or do yoga or whine on and on about some spiritual practise or other, because my god, you have to do something to keep it together, but lord knows if I've figured out what. And these people have support staff. Me? I'm just attacked by goats.
Mimi was a fucking ho.
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 02:20 pm (UTC)I get quite a bit of the same thing out here. I have absolutely no idea what it is I should be doing either - and the usual bits ( yoga and so on ) just don't do it for me. My doctor told me once to try taking up yoga and I told her that putting my feet up behind my ears might do something for someone else but it's not going to do a thing for me. People in my office want me to pray for me with them, or to try to conform to what they do to 'keep it together'. The problem I have is most of the things they do to keep it together seem delusional to me. " Oh just think positive and hope for the best, and you will get it " - there's no way I can beleive in that becasue anything good that I've managed to grab ahold of came from fighting for it every inch of the way. " I believe in the positive power of karma and that if I let someone kick me in the face then I will be rewarded for not retaliating and they will get theirs eventually " - and I can't even begin to understand that one. I defend myself because IMHO if you don't defend yourself you become someones doormat.
It's hard to come up with some way to keep it together when every exmaple I see is some false hope or easter bunny / tooth fairy methodology that leaves everything up to fate or the actions of others.