what is going on
Aug. 11th, 2006 12:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmMy computer died. I called, in quite callous a fashion I'm sorry to say, my computer guru and he thinks that it's fixible, if I had a system CD (I don't) and a working CD drive (I don't). I am currently typing this on a borrowed computer via dialup -- I can't even, I'm not sure why, figure out how to get it hooked up successfully to the cable modem. I am not used to feeling this helpless and I can't stand it.
Tomorrow I have to go price a new computer, which I can't afford. I just need word processing and Internet -- and I'll just accept I guess that my photoshop is gone and turn the scanner over to Kali, since it's really only for Descensus anyway.
I am trying, very very hard, not to beat myself up over this. It's not within my control. It's not happening to punish me. God, and especially my Gods, doesn't/don't hate fags. It's all cool. Of course, all of this would be less of a financial problem if I hadn't just done all this non-refundable Phoenix Rising stuff. I waiver between hating myself for that and being glad I did it -- because if these events had happened in the other order I wouldn't be going, and in my bones, I know going is a good thing.
So this is me struggling. The machine is my income, and I have to at least be able to get this loaner machine onto the cable modem or I have a serious problem. If I can do that, the rest can be solved.
Meanwhile, all my writing is gone or at least locked away from me until the machine can be fixed or I can afford to have data recovery done.
I am freaking out.
Tomorrow I have to go price a new computer, which I can't afford. I just need word processing and Internet -- and I'll just accept I guess that my photoshop is gone and turn the scanner over to Kali, since it's really only for Descensus anyway.
I am trying, very very hard, not to beat myself up over this. It's not within my control. It's not happening to punish me. God, and especially my Gods, doesn't/don't hate fags. It's all cool. Of course, all of this would be less of a financial problem if I hadn't just done all this non-refundable Phoenix Rising stuff. I waiver between hating myself for that and being glad I did it -- because if these events had happened in the other order I wouldn't be going, and in my bones, I know going is a good thing.
So this is me struggling. The machine is my income, and I have to at least be able to get this loaner machine onto the cable modem or I have a serious problem. If I can do that, the rest can be solved.
Meanwhile, all my writing is gone or at least locked away from me until the machine can be fixed or I can afford to have data recovery done.
I am freaking out.
