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Sep. 30th, 2003 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmI need a break.
Ambitious people are allowed rests before they succeed, not just after.
So for the next week I'm going to spend what time I have that's not committed to other things working on my own projects, as opposed to executing for other people's. Because while that fits well with my neuroses, it's not so incredibly good for me right now. I'm going to write, and fill out grant applications. I'm going to spend some time taking solace in committing myself to my vision, auditioning strategically, instead for everything, and stopping a case of premature and artificial burnout before it happens.
This is remarkably not about much of anything, other than I am doing a lot of re-acting (as they put in Guitar Craft) in a way I am not enjoying, and have a keener understanding of creativity and cyclical moodiness than I have in a while, both in the concrete and abstract, and the signs and guideposts are definitely telling me to get some stuff in order now.
This is hardly a retreat. Just. I spend a lot of time trying to be tougher than people I think are a lot tougher than they really are. And it's a foolish waste of energy.
So I am going to be sure I eat a meal at Tartine (as I will be picking up a long over-due bit of pay on Friday), and see Lost in Translation, and buy more chocolates at Australian Homemade (holy fuck they are so good). Maybe I'll even buy a book. And I'll work on my scrapbook some. I need to feel solid, mainly, I think is what all that seems to say.
Ambitious people are allowed rests before they succeed, not just after.
So for the next week I'm going to spend what time I have that's not committed to other things working on my own projects, as opposed to executing for other people's. Because while that fits well with my neuroses, it's not so incredibly good for me right now. I'm going to write, and fill out grant applications. I'm going to spend some time taking solace in committing myself to my vision, auditioning strategically, instead for everything, and stopping a case of premature and artificial burnout before it happens.
This is remarkably not about much of anything, other than I am doing a lot of re-acting (as they put in Guitar Craft) in a way I am not enjoying, and have a keener understanding of creativity and cyclical moodiness than I have in a while, both in the concrete and abstract, and the signs and guideposts are definitely telling me to get some stuff in order now.
This is hardly a retreat. Just. I spend a lot of time trying to be tougher than people I think are a lot tougher than they really are. And it's a foolish waste of energy.
So I am going to be sure I eat a meal at Tartine (as I will be picking up a long over-due bit of pay on Friday), and see Lost in Translation, and buy more chocolates at Australian Homemade (holy fuck they are so good). Maybe I'll even buy a book. And I'll work on my scrapbook some. I need to feel solid, mainly, I think is what all that seems to say.
