the book was just a bystander

[rm]

I have written, at length and not infrequently, over the years about why the Harry Potter books mean something to me, but those statements have been almost entirely about the child I was and the actual content of the books -- characters, themes, etc.

But, at risk of repeating myself, it is also important to me to note that one of the big reasons I am so ticked about the spoiler thing isn't just because I want to experience certain events of the book contextually and in the moment, but because when that book comes out, a big chapter of my life comes to a close. And I don't even mean the Harry Potter chapter, really, since I'll be at Terminus and there will still be the movies and so forth.

But Michael introduced me to those books. I remember sitting in his apartment in Brooklyn the night Book 4 came out. Urban Fetch delivered it, and he said he wasn't going to talk to me until he finished it and handed me the first three.

When I finished the fourth one, I whined to Soren, that I had nothing to read and I was obsessed with Snape and I needed something to take my mind off of it. Soren gave me Swordspoint and said Alec reminded him a bit of me.

So the Harry Potter books have been with me through four apartments and many jobs. They've been with me from before I decided to be an actor. They are directly responsible for several of my romances, two of my most pivotal friendships, and an astounding writing partner. They are indirectly responsible for my life as a fencer, for Patty and I meeting (and she's not even into Harry Potter), and a number of other odd and lovely circumstances in my life.

So while I may grieve the conclusion of the series and the possible passing of characters who have essentially held my hand through a lot of the blinding stupidity I've engaged in in these last years, there is also the simple grieving of this particular story -- not the one about Harry and Ron, Hermione, and yes, Snape -- but the one about me.

It would be intense under any circumstances, but under the circumstances of getting my first credit in a major motion picture, under the circumstances of Patty moving in with me, under the circumstances of Rose's Turn closing, under the circumstances of my finally making real and solid progress with my novel, and under the circumstances of yes, Michael and I being able to exchange friendly emails about his family, it all feels very solid, important, circular. That all these things reach such points of demarcation at once is a little weird, you have to admit.

So when people say "how can these books mean so much to you, they suck for all these reasons?" my overwhelming feeling isn't that they don't get it, or that they're wrong, but that they've overlooked the way the weave of my world interests me so constantly in my own peculiar serendipitous brand of self-absorption.

Sure, I can't wait to read what happens. And the grief part, after tensing up for it for so long, will be a relief. But the secret is, I half expect to wake up on the afternoon of 21st, after having stayed up all night and into the morning reading, and discover that I finally look my age.

And that is probably my last word on that, at least until I've read the thing.

Comments

[rm.livejournal.com]

I think you're entitled to your opinion and I also think you're wrong. I think some people see it that way, because that's what it would be if they did this sort of thing. I like to play and I like to recount and much more than most people, I have the luxury to play and the luxury to recount. I've busted my ass the last 7 or so years to have a life where I never have to be anyone I don't want to be. I don't particularly believe in a single absolute self. And my life in the context of HP or Swordspoint or for that matter in the weeks that my Macbeth and I in Australia couldn't stand to be apart from each other despite the fact that we felt differently towards each other both in and out of character is inifnitely more my own and honest, than the life I once lived in kahki, the life where I wasn't supposed to do these things.

When people ask me what I do for a living, I laugh and I tell them I live an almost entirely fictional life. when they ask what it means I explain I'm an actor, and a writer and a serious student of historical fencing.

I despise the idea of defining my life by anything, particularly by what I do (in a normal career sense), and that response is the best I can do to meet everyone's needs. There is a profound difference, to me at any rate, between basing one's life on something and using something other than a basic calendar to mark the phases of it.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

Astounding but dilatory?

Stories aren't identured servants or slaves. We don't own them - though sometimes, I suppose they own us.

And we've all met the people who belong to just one - and they are scary.

Stories aren't solitary. Hemingway once said that you couldn't call yourself a writer unless you had a reader. No one's truly brilliant alone. We're all "in response to" or "based on." Without that wealth, we'd all be alarmingly poor - admit it or not, as we like.

And contributing to fill those spaces of inspiration - that's what makes a living art.

In conclusion ...well no point, really. Except you can't be yourself, if I'm not myself, seeing you being yourself. And maybe adding something along the way.

fiction is all. then again, I'm prejudiced.

[00goddess.livejournal.com]

... and I think that you know yourself better than do I- my opinion is based entirely on the limited view through your LJ. So I hope I did not offend.

using something other than a basic calendar to mark the phases of it.

See, this phrase says something different than I got from your original entry. Isn't it more than simply a calendar? For instance, your idea of Snape: you've created a character that doesn't exist in the books, he's your Snape, because something about Rowling's Snape resonated with something you think about yourself.

I know you have many selves, and that's one thing I like about you.