emo, but true
Mar. 24th, 2008 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmI have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I am not ambitious because I'm ambitious, but because I'm afraid if I fail no one will love me.
My ambition has gotten very big in the last few years, and I've done very well with it, but I've had a hard couple of weeks, and I'm not in the best state.
Patty, however, aside from being kind, helpful, reasonable, good, and all teh stuff I don't talk to you all about, FOUND MY MISSING PASSPORT.
That's one huge nightmare off my plate.
Seriously though, you can never be too old to have a "guess I'm not the person I thought I was" moment, but it's so damn taxing.
My ambition has gotten very big in the last few years, and I've done very well with it, but I've had a hard couple of weeks, and I'm not in the best state.
Patty, however, aside from being kind, helpful, reasonable, good, and all teh stuff I don't talk to you all about, FOUND MY MISSING PASSPORT.
That's one huge nightmare off my plate.
Seriously though, you can never be too old to have a "guess I'm not the person I thought I was" moment, but it's so damn taxing.
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you already know this
Date: 2008-03-25 04:13 am (UTC)I know precisely what you mean. It's not true, you know.
It feels true, but it isn't true. I think you know that already.
For a long time, I didn't give myself any credit for accomplishing things that were driven by my ambitions, which were driven by feeling a need to succeed in order to have worth or be loved. I finally stopped once and looked at myself and said "I deserve to feel really accomplished here! I did a good thing that was really hard, I should give myself some credit." It's tough to do, really tough, especially when you do exceptional things because you feel as if you're expected to do exceptional things so 'above average' is your 'average' so what's really exceptional feels like just what you're supposed to do. (Substitute "I" for "you" if that doesn't apply to you. Maybe I'm projecting. :)