emo, but true

[rm]

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I am not ambitious because I'm ambitious, but because I'm afraid if I fail no one will love me.

My ambition has gotten very big in the last few years, and I've done very well with it, but I've had a hard couple of weeks, and I'm not in the best state.

Patty, however, aside from being kind, helpful, reasonable, good, and all teh stuff I don't talk to you all about, FOUND MY MISSING PASSPORT.

That's one huge nightmare off my plate.

Seriously though, you can never be too old to have a "guess I'm not the person I thought I was" moment, but it's so damn taxing.

Comments

[marzipan-pig.livejournal.com]

I think that if you did not have at least an element of this (ambition in search of love) you would not be human. What is it that you think people who are ambitious for ambition are motivated by?

Think of all the times you failed in small or large ways and who continued to love and care about and value anyway, and all of the people who failed in similarly small or large ways who you continue to love.

I think btw that this is a great insight and the kind of dorky thing lots of us get to in our 30's; now you get to go on to be just as ambitious for the fun of it, and with a totally rad (passport-finding!) gf too :)