rm | alphabet meme answers, pt. 1: A- E

From this:
http://rm.livejournal.com/1365080.html

Age

airspaniel gave me this one, which was probably in invitation to talk about Torchwood. And I probably will, after I give you the basics. I'll be 36 this year. I probably look like I'm in my late 20s most consistently, although I get told I look as young as 22 with frequency and that's not taking into account the teen boy factor (although Amanda says I can now look like a 22-year-old fellow). So age for me is murky. And I get a kick out of it, although not because of the societal privilege of looking young (important for a woman). I like the respect that comes with having lived a lot, so it can be annoying sometimes when people assume I'm ten years or more younger than I am. It also feels like a weird secret these days.

Finally, one of the reasons Torchwood rocks my world is it takes the immortality fantasy that seems sexy in vampire novels when you're twelve and says, "this is actually awful, and I'd bet you'd still jump at it if you had the chance" and it's that type of poking at human nature that makes the show interesting instead of just cracktastic.

Breath

schpahky was responsible here. Trust my friends list to choose loaded things. Because I feel like I should write about clarity and power and certitude here, but it's just as easy to write about stink and fear and terror. Which really, might be enough of an answer in and of itself.

My body will never has as much air as it wants. This, like saying, "my heart doesn't work like other people's" is a medical truth for me. But it's also become a philosophical imperative.

Caution

schpahky again. I can't tell if people think I exercise a lot or a little caution. I don't actually tend to go off half-cocked as much as it seems, although I do make a lot of sudden decisions and worry about the details later -- but that's a very conscious choice, even if my follow-through is not always spectacular.

In fencing I get accused of caution in a way that feels gendered. A man would be accused of fencing too cautiously and if someone were being really mean it would be a statement about his manhood, but my caution as a fencer will always, immediately be about my gender. So I'm working on that right now. Survival is not enough. After all, can you survive if you don't kill the enemy? I am so Sicilian. And hey, I've actually been getting my teeth into attacks and have been chasing people down after initial parries and hitting lately. So I guess it's working.

Caution is more an emotional state with me than anything evident in my actions I think.

Dyslexia

upstart_crow probably knows this, but many of my other readers probably don't. I'm not actually dyslexic, my typing aside. Rather, one hand types faster than the other, and all my letter reversals pretty much can be explained by this if you look at the split of what hand types what in proper form.

Enemies

punzel asks probably the best question: "What enemy has most honored you?" I found this question made me sad, because I didn't feel like I had an answer or that any enemy had ever dealt with me in a way that made me proud of both them and myself. Then I looked at my own actions, and wondered if any of the people who have been at odds with me could look at me similarly. I don't know. Maybe the modern, rational world doesn't have that type of enmity. And maybe that's good. Because aren't things like that supposed to break your heart?