grr bad!fic

[rm]

Dear all porntastic fanfic writers in every fandom ever:

Can we never, ever refer to ejaculate as "essence" again?

Please?

Thanks!

Comments

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Uh. Do you require medical attention?

And I'm a little stunned. Unfriended? Really? That blows my mind a little bit. Huh.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Ah now. Just been laughing so hard over every comment to this thing.

Meanwhile. Yeah. I can never tell if it's fannish people who are offended or non-fannish people who really wish I wouldn't talk about cock so much.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

See, that's the thing. Either way, the people running and screaming are missing out. Here's why:

• Cock is at least amusing even if you're not into it. I mean, really. Did someone just glue those bits on? It's like someone just wandered past and went, "Right. Here's your tackle. Just stick that on right about...oh, close enough."
  
• What this needs to be is a call for submissions for use of "essence" in dialogue as an embarrassed euphemism for semen. Example: The police constable gave Ianto an uncomfortable look. "Well, you see, the coat was covered in the perpetrator's, ah, essence, as it were..."
  
• I'm sure I had a reason number three, and therefore justification for the bulleted list, but that's escaping me just now. Instead, I'll tell you that last night I ate some of my boyfriend's leftovers from Waffle House. With barbecue sauce.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I totally woke Patty up laughing at this. It's a real toss-up as to whether the second or third bullet point killed me more.