fandom awards and the nature of stories

[rm]

So Kali and I placed as runner-ups in two categories for The Children of Time Awards, and there is a thread about it here.

The oldest cliche in the world, especially when you work as an actor is, "it's an honor just to be nominated." I won't quite say that, but I will say this:

It is gratifying.

As writers, we talk so often about writing the stories we need to tell. But that's not really true, is it? The truth is that we write the stories we need to have heard. And we want more readers not just out of a desire for praise or money (as appropriate to the product/medium), but because we need people, we need strangers, to feel our loves, our griefs and to see us as we really are even as the shapes our our bodies and our lives may seem to give a lie to that.

So yeah, I am damn glad to be nominated, and to place, because it means more people might now listen. More people might now know.

Do I sometimes wonder what the fuck is going on with awards? You bet. I can't fucking believe Crash got best picture a few years back. I can't believe Children of Men wasn't nominated for anything.

Are there things that are popular that I don't get? Or sometimes even wish weren't? Yup. I don't have the receptor sites for anime and Twilight scares the crap out of me for the species.

But they mean something to people. They reflect the nature of things, or secret desires or the tone of hope for many, many people of whom I am apparently not among.

I'm competitive by nature. And when I don't win something -- in any endeavor -- I tend to flail about, but in this case, I find myself not caring. Had I even remembered to vote in the Children of Time Awards, I probably would have voted for the story by dsudis that I think we were up against in a given category, because it broke me and because there is always a divine shock to see my own story told in some way by someone else. Sometimes, I know IHNIIHBT too well to feel the gut punch of it whenever I want.

Our story is hard. Very detailed, very confronting, long sentences -- it's a tiring fucking read, and it is not the story everyone wants to read. The idea that love is hard work and hard work never makes it easy, never makes it enough. That's a heartbreak, even with a happy ending.

The stuff that did win in The Children of Time Awards? I've read swathes of because it's there to be read. Some of it I get, some of it I don't. From a structural standpoint, I'm not impressed in many cases, but it's taken me over a decade to learn how to do structure the way we do, and there's still tons of shit about structure we're still learning and refining. From a narrative point of view when it comes to that same stuff: I'm not heterosexual, I don't have children, and my emotional life is not a domestic one because of the nature of what my partner and I do for livings, where we live, and what our responsibilities are and aren't. I simply don't have the receptor sites.

In some ways, I will confess, it makes me sad how many people do have the receptor sites, if only because I once lived a life that would have fit so much better with the reading of such stories, and I was deeply unhappy in it. But that of course is more a testament to me, than it is to that life. At least so I hope, for all concerned. I hope the people there and dreaming there are happy.

So I and my friend write stories for the lonely ones, the strange ones, the difficult lovers and the oddly formed, because we are, and we need people to hear and to know. And quality and trophies and titles and all of that aside, we're just so grateful when anyone listens, because then we become not just true, but also real.

Comments

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

As ever, you speak for me!

[cruentum.livejournal.com]

I have to say who reads what and who doesn't, with one background or another, is probably not as black and white as all that, am seeing a lot more grey there, but

I hope the people there and dreaming there are happy.

I like to think they are, just as others are happy with IHNIIBT or IEIT or More Richer Than My Tongue, for whatever reasons and however it resonates with them.

In general your post, glad you put it out there. It's a voice I'm missing too often in this part of fandom.

[better-late24.livejournal.com]

There was quite a variety of fic nominated, and I tend to like most of it due to my varying tastes. However, I didn't vote for anyone because...I don't know, the awards thing feels remarkably similar to a popularity contest, and the discussion spawned from what stories did or didn't win, or deserved to win, or were crap, etc, inevitably depresses me. I'll comment on a fic if I really enjoy (or sometimes not, can't seem to think of what to say that doesn't sound trite and gushing).

I prefer reading people's rec lists over award winners...especially if I can find someone who's tastes I'm occasionally in line with.

But is any of this really surprising from me? Don't think so.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Heh. I like recs lists too, but mainly because I'm interested in what speaks to different people and how people talk about stuff. Which reminds me, time to go look at more Yuletide recs.

[laufeyette.livejournal.com]

Yours and kalichan's story definitely deserved its nominations. It's a hard story, so much that I'm still preparing myself to read the last part, and I don't comment enough on it because I can never think of anything more clever than OMGYAY (and are 10,000 of those kinds of comments ever really necessary?), but yea. It's an epic fic in all senses of the word and worthy of all the praise it gets.

Fangirling aside, I haven't read all the CoT nominated stories, but some of them did make me pause and go "eh?" And that's where the evil nature of these kinds of awards comes in. It's a double-edged sword of exposure vs. quality and too hinged on a specific group of people's tastes. I guess that's why I don't watch the Oscars.

Then again, as someone who is quite proud of her own fic, which has never been nominated for anything and for reasons no one has explained to me yet attracts a fraction of the loyal readers some other people do, maybe I'm biased. ;)

[better-late24.livejournal.com]

Also, ditto on dsudis's fic...I really adore that one.

[alba17.livejournal.com]

Hello there, I was here printing off the last part of your most recent installment (yeah! and ditto on invaderwitch's comment about commenting - usually I'm late to the game and there are already 100's of comments) and saw this. I happened to have voted in this one (yes, I voted for you guys! and BTW, would have voted for invaderwitch too) - I've never voted in anything like that before - I didn't do any nominating and I wish I had, because some of my favorites were missing. I haven't seen the list of winners yet, actually.

I have to say, I disagree that having children predisposes you to liking the more domestic stories. I have children and I usually avoid those stories (although like everyone else I loved dsudis) and I've seen comments by others with kids who feel the same way. For me, this is supposed to be escapism, and reading about Jack and Ianto having kids is just too much like RL to be entertaining or escapist for me (listening to whining child at this very moment, cripes). Those stories do seem to be very popular. If it makes people happy, yes, why not? I just personally avoid.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

the lonely ones, the strange ones, the difficult lovers and the oddly formed

we appreciate it immensely



I can't fucking believe Crash got best picture a few years back.

If it had been David Cronenberg's Crash, I would have been OK with that.

[jo02]

I'm so glad you write stories about love being hard, hard work. It's that that makes love worth it in the end. Because of that too, you've created a universe where I can come and get what I need when the domestic-bliss-twu-luv-mpreg+babies+rings-and-commitment-ceremonies fluff stories threaten to make me unplug the computer and run screaming from the room.