meme

[rm]

The problem with Livejournal is that we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. Hence, I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Then post this in your LJ (if you want to) and find out what people don’t know about you.

Okay, I loathe the wording the meme, but I'm at work (waaaah), and people have been asking questions lately that I've now lost track of where they were to answer (someone asked about perfume a few days ago, that sticks in my mind). So if you're so inclined, have at.

Comments

[fuyukodachi.livejournal.com]

Isn't the wording atrocious?

When did you realize you weren't straight?

Ridiculously, I was sixteen. That's four years after I found and looked avidly at my parent's stash of porn. I managed to have No Idea that other people didn't like the same pictures I did, and when my friend wanted to look at something else, I thought they were the weird one.

[rm.livejournal.com]

You know, I was much more aware of being different than I was of being not-straight, and that wasn't a thing I ever realized. It just was. I didn't know it, but people reacted to me funny, like I smelled wrong. I think a lot of that was gender perception related, but I don't really know. I remember even telling people in my twenties, "I feel like I have a secret, and I don't even know what it is."

There was never an ahah moment. I just hung out with gay people as soon as I was allowed to hang out anywhere on my own, and fretted that all these men thought I was some sort of faghag (some did, some got my deal before I did). Obviously there were inklings of it in high school, awkward UST with friends, etc., but I never said it aloud or dated a woman until college. But it wasn't like "oh god, confession time!" You know, I just went off to college, got a job in a gay bookstore, and that was that.

Everything else about my identity was so much more preoccupying.

But I do remember looking at the playboys my much older cousin had stashed in his bedroom when I was seven and we went to visit family in Atlantic City.