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Mar. 6th, 2004 01:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rmI'm really really tired. THe bad shiraz and the really long wait for the PATH train didn't help. Work at 9am, and then a rehearsal.
There's this girl involved with the show who is the absolute spitting image of one of my obscure celebrity crushes, and it's incredibly disconcerting, and sort of hysterically funny for reasons I'll explain at some interval when I am lucid.
I owe lots of people email.
I was supposed to get paid today. Did I? No. How late is my 1st check? 20 days. How late is my second check? just a few. I should have them both by Tuesday, and maybe tomorrow. Which I'd like for a really long ass list of reasons.
Today I listened to a lot of music I haven't in a while -- Boheme because I finally found my CD, and I can't hear it without being utterly immersed in the show and really the whole context of those couple of months, which were really sort of extraordinary on a lot of fronts.
Also listened to a compilation CD I was given which has a lot of songs on it that meant a lot to me about a decade ago and I haven't thought of much. I burst into tears listening to Out of Range, for all sorts of weird reasons, a lot of them having to do with not being a certain type of young anymore, and not getting to be the type of young 20-something I really always felt I should, mainly because I was incompetent and needy. It's hard to explain, especially when I'm this out of it. But I was just sort of breathless from it and Tori Amos' Precious Things and Sinead O'Connor's Red Football (next time I need to sing a random grrrrrl! anthem of a song at an audition, someone remind me of this).
After being extremely disciplined with my eating habits for nearly two weeks I ate disgustingly today, and felt sick for it, and that made me glad, because I've never ever felt queasy from eating a week's worth of sugar in an hour before, and it's about damn time.
I feel old. Not in a good way or a bad way or even a remotely interesting way. Just. I feel old. And it's making me sad. I feel like the whole range of stuff that's led up to who I am now is a hell of a lot more interesting than who I am, and maybe that's normal, but... I dunno. I'm having a thing... in general, the word right now is cusp.... I feel like I'm on the wrong edge of lots of stuff, sometimes early and sometimes late.
A book I was interviewed for years and years ago came in the mail today. I'm not in it, and I am more grateful than I know how to express.
There's this girl involved with the show who is the absolute spitting image of one of my obscure celebrity crushes, and it's incredibly disconcerting, and sort of hysterically funny for reasons I'll explain at some interval when I am lucid.
I owe lots of people email.
I was supposed to get paid today. Did I? No. How late is my 1st check? 20 days. How late is my second check? just a few. I should have them both by Tuesday, and maybe tomorrow. Which I'd like for a really long ass list of reasons.
Today I listened to a lot of music I haven't in a while -- Boheme because I finally found my CD, and I can't hear it without being utterly immersed in the show and really the whole context of those couple of months, which were really sort of extraordinary on a lot of fronts.
Also listened to a compilation CD I was given which has a lot of songs on it that meant a lot to me about a decade ago and I haven't thought of much. I burst into tears listening to Out of Range, for all sorts of weird reasons, a lot of them having to do with not being a certain type of young anymore, and not getting to be the type of young 20-something I really always felt I should, mainly because I was incompetent and needy. It's hard to explain, especially when I'm this out of it. But I was just sort of breathless from it and Tori Amos' Precious Things and Sinead O'Connor's Red Football (next time I need to sing a random grrrrrl! anthem of a song at an audition, someone remind me of this).
After being extremely disciplined with my eating habits for nearly two weeks I ate disgustingly today, and felt sick for it, and that made me glad, because I've never ever felt queasy from eating a week's worth of sugar in an hour before, and it's about damn time.
I feel old. Not in a good way or a bad way or even a remotely interesting way. Just. I feel old. And it's making me sad. I feel like the whole range of stuff that's led up to who I am now is a hell of a lot more interesting than who I am, and maybe that's normal, but... I dunno. I'm having a thing... in general, the word right now is cusp.... I feel like I'm on the wrong edge of lots of stuff, sometimes early and sometimes late.
A book I was interviewed for years and years ago came in the mail today. I'm not in it, and I am more grateful than I know how to express.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Odd
Date: 2004-03-06 03:21 am (UTC)In all honesty, if the twenty-something you wanted to be involved the student government group, I was later informed they found us overly competent and thus scary. Which we knew then, but anyway.....
Glad you are not in the book, as desired.