hate in Rhode Island

[rm]

Much of queer history has involved loving in secret. This has also meant mourning in secret. Much of the demand for a world that required neither of these tragedies came out of the AIDS crisis. Much of my coming out to myself, and others, was initially done with this as a backdrop; it is real to me, visceral and terrifying and not so far away as it should be.

In an act of bigotry, the governor of Rhode Island has vetoed a bill giving domestic partners the right to claim the bodies of — and make funeral arrangements for — their loved ones.

Aside from its obvious practical consequences, this act says that in the governor's view gay people are not fully human and either incapable of or not entitled to the full spectrum of human emotions, including grief and love, and that the family units we have been making for centuries as best we can in even the darkest of times are, apparently, merely, figments of our imagination.

Silence = Death remains one of, if not the, most important thing I have ever learned. I know this every time someone wishes I were quieter.

Comments

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Good god.
Dehumanisation is definitely one of the scarier phenomena humanity is capable of.
I'd ask what's wrong with people... alas...

One of my personal mottoes is "silence is violence" which obviously takes from the ACT UP slogan you often quote.
Silence, being Violence, Death and "Majority Consent" is our enemy.

When I'm told to "Shut Up", I feel like I'm being slapped across the mouth.

[tauren-wardrums.livejournal.com]

I tend to want to respond WITH violence when I'm being told to shut up, for that very reason. Silence is no longer golden; it is tarnished and corroded and must be done away with in the realm of politics (though I do find that quiet meditation helps prepare one's mind when shit must be started).

Also, this guy? Totally does not deserve to be governor.

[firefly124.livejournal.com]

Shit. Seriously, RI, surrounded by MA and CT, has if anything got even less excuse than any other state in the union for attitudes like this. Not that there's a good excuse in any case.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

This.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Rogues' Island, given its own history as a place of tolerance, has NO excuse at all. Roger Williams is probably spinning in his grave.

[matthewwdaly.livejournal.com]

I wish that this would put to rest the "separate but equal" lie that domestic partnership is marriage without the name. Because the governor of Rhode Island wouldn't veto a bill denying people the right to make funeral arrangements for their spouses. Because there would never be such a bill.

[sethg]

[The governor] also questioned “how it would be ascertained in many circumstances whether [a couple] had been in a relationship for year” since there is “no official or recognized form” of domestic partnership agreement in Rhode Island.

That's some catch, that Catch-22.

[lonebear.livejournal.com]

this will probably get a simple call to the BIT* where I will just say: "you Disgust Me".

*BIT = Bigot In Cheif

[lovefromgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, Rhode Island. You elected an asshat. Maybe you'll do better next time -- and, while you're at it, make sure that bill comes back stronger?

Voting on claiming/funerals: not EVEN cool.

[1-mad-squirrel.livejournal.com]

Who the fuck does he think he is?

[heron61.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's denying basic humanity to GLBT people in that state. What a vile scumbag.

[abnormal-apathy.livejournal.com]

If I lived in RI, this would mean the same thing for Brendan and me. It's disgusting regardless of one's sexual orientation.

[bare-bear.livejournal.com]

Okay, see that was my question. Does this only refer to same-sex couples? Because it sounds like it includes all domestic partnerships.

[rm.livejournal.com]

It refers to all domestic partnerships. However, heterosexual people at least have the marriage option (and I don't know if or at what point common-law marriage protects male-female couples living together); gay couples don't. The thing sucks all the way around especially in the case of unexpected, sudden death, but gay couples are particularly lacking options in response to the legislation.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

Had it passed, I would guess there would have been some legal battles between partners & blood relatives of the deceased. And... I can understand the reservation about establishing "proof" of a non-marital committed relationship.

Which is all the more reason that we need gay marriage to go through. All of these little half-measures to patchwork around that are just going to be weird legal garbage in a few years. And the laws are challenged as unreasonable if you specify "same-sex" relationships... which has lead to measures for domestic partnership allowances regardless of whether the people could get married or not. (Such as providing insurance for domestic partners.)

If you want to talk about undermining "traditional" marriage, I think these patchwork workarounds do more damage than same-sex marriage ever could by working towards making all the benefits of marriage available without getting married. (Though certainly marriage makes it all much easier to accomplish. Additionally, whether undermining traditional marriage is a good thing remains in the eye of the beholder.)

But... practical thoughts aside, the Gov is clearly a homophobic ass.

[starkeee.livejournal.com]

Although I'm new to little Rhody, our governor has been known for his homophobia for a long time in various news snippets. Sigh. Hopefully we can vote him out of office next term. (And it's strange living in Providence, which is quite liberal and has a gay mayor.)

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

That was the impression I got of Providence, and I was only there a few days as a tourist.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

"Well just call it something else! It'll be just like marriage, really!"

Unless you get sick. Or die. Or have kids. Or pay taxes. Or get a job transfer. Or want to shop together in public.

*spit*

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

I think someone should introduce a bill requiring that heterosexual couples be in exclusive, committed relationships for over a year before applying for a marriage license if a year "is not a sufficient duration to establish a serious bond between two individuals."

[rm.livejournal.com]

My parents got married after knowing each other for six weeks. They're still together, 38 years later.

This stuff is so much bullshit. Married het people can sleep around, but gay people -- we better restrict all that homosex!

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

It would be interesting to know which members of his family tree did the same.

[(Anonymous)]

What about polyamorous triads, quads, and quints? There is precedent for polyamorous groups in other cultures, why not ours?

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

Can someone explain to me why a politician from the party that rails against "big gub-mint" chooses to butt into such an intimately private matter as burial of a loved one?

I'm waiting GOP...

[stephl.livejournal.com]

That's horrifying. Utterly horrifying.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

What a fucking monstrous and hurtful veto. What the hell?

[virginia-fell.livejournal.com]

This. ^

[deakat]

That is horrifying. I'm going to write him a letter explaining that while Rhode Island was on my list of potential vacation destinations (being less than a day's drive from my home), it has been removed due to his decision.

I've boosted signal, in the hope that friends and family will join me.

[eandh99.livejournal.com]

Can't a gay couple write wills in which each names the other as executor and therefore the one who gets to make all these decisions? Before the law changed up here in Canada there were all kinds of legal trick-documents by which same-sex couples could get more or less similar legal standing to het couples.

[rm.livejournal.com]

1. Lawyers are expensive. Not all gay people have those resources.

2. Many people ignore these legal directives, even when they are in place as was recently demonstrated by a woman being kept from her female partner who was dying in hospital -- despite all such paperwork. A court case upheld that this was perfectly appropriate. Makeshift legal protections, no matter how well done or thoroughly paid for are often blithely ignored. For a gay person, even a well prepared one with a lot of resources, getting respect is often a matter of luck.

3. Not sure that would work in RI, I don't know the ins and outs of the laws.

[eandh99.livejournal.com]

See, I'm married to a lawyer and we had lawyer friends do the documents for us way back when we were students - there was a free lgbt legal clinic in Vancouver. Having someone ready and willing to sue the asses off people might help? Thinking of some of my activist friends. But yeah, what do you do with people who are willing to ignore valid legal documents like powers of attorney and health care directives.

[virginia-fell.livejournal.com]

I'll adopt you.

I'm only 23, but hell. At least I'll know I have a daughter I can be proud of. :)

[virginia-fell.livejournal.com]

I don't care! I want to be the proud mommy of a woman who's already got her life together. I get the exciting proud stuff without having to, like, raise you or really do stuff at all. Which is great for me! =D

Anyway, in all seriousness. I'm glad that you've got someone supportive like that. Until the USA does right by you, it's important to have individuals willing to go the extra mile to make up for it. Props to your godmother for that.

[eandh99.livejournal.com]

I find this all almost incomprehensible. Like, cannot wrap my head around. We had this kind of crap behaviour by parents of AIDS victims in the 80's, which is where the documents I was talking about come from and even then it was mostly when people got really ill or died without any legal paperwork at all. Here, getting a will varied is much harder work - you have to go to court and prove undue influence or something to replace someone as executor or change the provisions. Protecting yourself is as straightforward as a clause explaining that you're leaving your family out because you've had no contact with them for X years or whatever. In fact executors are very often not family members at all, and they're the ones who have the legal authority to settle and divide the estate, make funeral arrangements etc. But then we don't elect judges either, and we do require them to have been practicing lawyers first, so they're less likely to ignore the law. It all makes me not want to visit the States - would we be treated like this if one of us fell ill or had an accident?

[julesndairyland.livejournal.com]

Can't express how much this sickens (but doesn't surprise) me.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

Oy! This bothers me even more than not allowing gay couples to marry. Its so heartless and cruel. Really, who is going to want to take the time and expense to arrange a funeral for someone they don't have a relationship with?

Is there some sekrit plan for gay people to claim bodies of people they don't know, write eulogies, hold wakes, pay for cemetary plots and cofffins for strangers??? And if so, where do I sign up??

I can only hope that maybe the governor will find himself alone and friendless when his time comes - cause karma can be a bitch.

[virginia-fell.livejournal.com]

My buddy brainwalker made a really excellent comment on this. "I don't even understand what could possibly motivate legislature like this. How can you possibly hate a group of people so much that not only will you not let them live like you can, but you won't even let them die like you can."

:(

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

That is just sickening. :(

[virginhuntress.livejournal.com]

Ok, now? Now I'm going to start THROWING SHIT. I can't even fathom how people must fucking feel going through this. It hurts enough to know that if my fiance' died tomorrow (knock on wood), that I'd have no say in how he was buried or anything. I do, however, know that once we're married, there's no problem.

I cannot FATHOM the idea of two people being together for years/decades and not getting the same basic human FUCKING RIGHTS of other people.

[fragiletender.livejournal.com]

I saw this yesterday and it made me furious, baffled and sad. I know it shouldn't surprise me but I find it utterly impossible to understand the mindset of people who are so devoid of compassion.

[ciel-vert.livejournal.com]

I don't even think I can formulate words. This just makes me absolutely sick.

So true...

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

Silence = Death remains one of, if not the, most important thing I have ever learned. I know this every time someone wishes I were quieter.

From my journal post linking yours:

Silence = Death indeed.

I've had it with rainbows, as I think I've said before we need to resurrect the pink triangle until gay or straight, bi, transsexual, queer, transgendered, cisgendered, lesbian or whatever your sexual preference/presentation we are all equal in the eyes and laws of our country.

Re: So true...

[rm.livejournal.com]

This. I think you are absolutely right. I want to say "how did we forget to be angry" but maybe it's because so many people died.

Re: So true...

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

Whereas me? I'm still, endlessly, "too" angry, and i hate watching my country do this again and again.

But I'd rather be the too angry "child" of ACT-UP than the person who sits back and watches the family she's chosen be decimated by stupidity and lies every day.

[natf.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this information and link. The world does truly suck at times.

Ironically, the post before this on my LJFriends Page is this one.