sundries

[rm]

At the moment, I do not have a piece of glass in my foot. This cannot be said for all of yesterday, wherein I thought I stepped on glass, did not know the glass was still in my foot, went out and did things, came home in scads of pain and then managed to get the glass out of my foot.

Patty and I are now into S2 of Buffy. We have met Spike. I may be the only person on the planet whose first impression of James Marsters was not Spike, but John Hart and a bunch of con appearances. Which actually makes Spike seem SUPER odd to me. Also, for all I've heard about Spike over the years no one ever mentioned to me that he was totally in thrall to his crazycakes vampire girlfriend. Patty says him being totally in thrall to various chicks is just sorta what he does throughout Buffy, which somehow makes the whole John Hart I-was-a-good-wife dialogue in Torchood about 800 times funnier.

The No H8 campaign is coming to NYC today. If I can find the time and the t-shirt, I'm so there.

Mandela site Robben Island overrun with rabbits.

Last US veteran of WWI turns 109.

Gallifrey One schedule 4.0 is up. Now with a map!

I have hit a level of ACUTE stress about my headshots.

I point you to an article called The Break-Up Kitten not because the article matters at all (but the cat is cute), but because on the left hand side is a list of bullet-point "article highlights." Something about the "article highlights" as if a piece of fluff about relationships and pets needs Cliff Notes has me laughing hysterically.

dr_is_in has been needing our help on and off for some time now. She doesn't like to ask for help, and I will tell you as someone who has needed the help of strangers in the past just how much it can be a huge stressor both to ask and to receive.

The good news in dr_is_in's life is that after she and her husband traveled to Rochester for his medical treatment he's doing a lot better.

The bad news is that their insurance plan is trying to drop them, claiming it's because they paid a premium late in 2007. She's protesting this every which way she can (although if you have any expertise in this area and can help her navigate the process, that sort of help would probably be appreciated too), but things look grim. She hasn't been able to work regularly in months and without insurance the level of jeopardy her family is in (she's already been struggling to pay for her husband's medication) is going to increase exponentially.

For many of us it's always felt like barbarism enough when we've had to wonder if we could afford to keep a beloved pet alive. Imagine if someone was forcing you to have to think that about your husband.

If you can help her with $$, insurance navigation advice, other resources, please visit her journal. Her paypal is tribereddragon [AT] gmail [dot] com.

UPDATE: a pharmaceutical assistance program is going to pay for her husband's meds for a full year beginning March 1. But she still needs $2,000 to get him his medication for February.

nekosensei wrote me about her friend Holly who needs help. Among other things, Holly has a lung condition that's rare enough that know one knows what to do about it. She can't work and she can't afford her COBRA payments. If she loses her insurance things will obviously go from bad to worse. I don't know Holly, and I only know nekosensei online, but Holly has received coverage in a few news stories and her website includes pictures of her in one of those articles with just some of the prescriptions she taking.

At some point, I tend to feel I should set an official policy about what I will and won't link to when people need help, but life is murky and a lot of people need help, and I think it just has to be a matter of whim and random and gut. The less I know you or the person in need the higher the bar is going to be, because I don't have any real way of vetting this stuff. Which, by the way, means if you all see a story you want to help, do your own homework so you're comfortable!

Anyway, people in my life have also suffered from mysterious debilitating lung ailments, so Holly's story jumped out at me. If you feel you want to help, visit her website.

I want to pause and take a moment to talk a little bit about "you don't get to be upset about [activist issue of personal concern] because [global poverty/natural disaster/social issue] is more important."

Look, perspective is good and so is helping people/being an activist/giving money.

But here's the horrible truth about existence: terrible things happening to someone else somewhere else doesn't suddenly give you the tools to not be upset by stuff going on in your own life.

More clearly: I have very little patience with people telling people what their priorities should be. I can be a queer activist AND donate money to Haiti. I can do clinic defense and still care about global warming. And I can write to my politicians regarding healthcare reform and still try to make an impact on global poverty.

I also, however, like everyone else, have limited resources, and I have about zero tolerance for people telling me I'm not allowed to be actively engaged in issues that affect my life directly because they view them as marginal or fringe (because they aren't queer, because they don't have a uterus, because they believe that good people never wind up screwed by the healthcare system) and think a good way to emphasize that marginalization (which they believe in as a righteous truth) is to engage in some apples & oranges suffering comparison.

Is there an issue you think I can make an impact on or might not be aware of? Tell me, but I will run out of time for you very quickly if the framework for that is that my issues as a [eighty billion boxes here] don't matter.

Finally, I don't think it's your business how much time and money I give to various causes and charities. I'm not running for public office. I'm not a role model. I'm not campaigning for some award. I do what I can. Sometimes with my wallet, sometimes with my little corner of the Internet. And it will always be a simple truth that I can always do better (I still, as an example, must post that EPIC charity list you all helped me assemble). But I don't owe you an accounting of these matters.

Comments

[arielstarshadow.livejournal.com]

Thanks for spreading the word for dr_is_in.

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

At some point in canon, Spike says "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it," and yeah, nutshell.

[therealycats.livejournal.com]

That would be Lover's Walk, in season 3 :)

[therealycats.livejournal.com]

Or lovers'. I can't remember to whom the title referred, specifically.

[gelasius.livejournal.com]

I love that speech. "You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both..."

I could go in depth into how I don't actually even agree with the sentiment, but it's just so... SPIKE. :)

[firefly124.livejournal.com]

I may be the only person on the planet whose first impression of James Marsters was not Spike, but John Hart and a bunch of con appearances. Which actually makes Spike seem SUPER odd to me.

I can only imagine!

Patty says him being totally in thrall to various chicks is just sorta what he does throughout Buffy, which somehow makes the whole John Hart I-was-a-good-wife dialogue in Torchood about 800 times funnier.

I hadn't thought about it quite that way, but this is oh so very, very true.

But here's the horrible truth about existence: terrible things happening to someone else somewhere else doesn't suddenly give you the tools to not be upset by stuff going on in your own life.

Thank you. This needs saying more. I had this come up last year or perhaps the year before when I posted something about ongoing problems faced by the survivors of The Station nightclub fire and an upcoming fundraiser to help, and someone had to chime in to say, "Well, people are still suffering from Katrina too, and there are more of them." All I could do was shake my head and say something like, "And these are in competition because ... ?" As you say, apples and oranges suffering comparison. Pointless exercise in one-downsmanship.

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Spike is easily my favorite Buffy character (and it just keeps getting better). His attachment to Drusilla is what drew me in. His story arc was one of the things that kept me watching.

I can go on and on about Spike much like I used to about Remus Lupin. ;-p

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Spike is possibly the most interesting character due to many different parameters - *sigh* I love that little nest of incest.

Look, perspective is good and so is helping people/being an activist/giving money.

But here's the horrible truth about existence: terrible things happening to someone else somewhere else doesn't suddenly give you the tools to not be upset by stuff going on in your own life.

You said this to me once and you're still right. When things get bad I recall this and don't feel do guilty about feeling glum.

Someone actually asked you how much money you give to charity?! Fucking nerve.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Someone actually asked you how much money you give to charity?! Fucking nerve.

It's happened more than once, and I'm starting to get pissed about it. Which is a shame, as I think it would be informative for people to get a look at how my budget works in terms of what a NY creative spends on rent, professional development, recreation and charity, but now I'm pissed and not going to share.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Spike's entire life and unlife has kind of been defined by his infatuation with the various women in his life. He's a fixator, too! He's one of those characters I love but he got so popular I was worried I'd get a bit fed up with him - but actually they never stopped doing cool stuff with him, IMHO, even when he eventually ended up in Angel.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Wait wait... Spike is like Ianto? Obsessosexual? AWESOME.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Patty says him being totally in thrall to various chicks is just sorta what he does throughout Buffy, which somehow makes the whole John Hart I-was-a-good-wife dialogue in Torchood about 800 times funnier.

Oh, it does! There are fab in-jokes in Captain John Hart's dialogue, too.

"No blonde? You need a blonde."

I have a theory that (since RTD has said he loved Angel) that he patterned Jack on Angel for the immortal!annnngst.

Wait until you get to the musical episode. It even makes Exit Wounds funny. (Yeah, spoilery. And bad quality vid here - copyright claim.)

[dr-is-in.livejournal.com]

Is it bad when I read "I have a theory" my brain immediately went to "It could be bunnies"?

And thank you, rm for helping me out as much as you have.

[laura47.livejournal.com]

Also, for all I've heard about Spike over the years no one ever mentioned to me that he was totally in thrall to his crazycakes vampire girlfriend. Patty says him being totally in thrall to various chicks is just sorta what he does throughout Buffy, which somehow makes the whole John Hart I-was-a-good-wife dialogue in Torchood about 800 times funnier.

for serious!

you had never seen spike? LULZ!

*gets suddenly painfully nostalgic for happy torchwood days of queer bickering*

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*gasp!* If you've met Spike, then you've met Dru! I lovvve Dru! She is all sweet and innocent and fragile and needing to be protected and also all scary and frightening and _crazy as fuck_ and that is my FAVOURITE DICHOTOMY EVER!

Also, at the rate you're going, you're going to pass me soon. I have to find someone up here who has season four for me to borrow. Sigh.

(Dru, Dru, Dru!)

~Sor

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

I've got a huge soft spot for Dru, as well. I cosplay her regularly.

Here's me with Miss Edith and Her Boxer Rebellion dress.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

Your last paragraph makes me very angry on your behalf. I don't know who was lecturing you, but I really want to smack them.

It reminds me of one of the worst panels I went to this year, a part of NextBig Nashville. The panel was on how artists and fans can get involved in and promote activism and charity, and while the organizations the panelists were representing seemed pretty decent (one was devoted to raising money so they could help people in Africa get clean drinking water; another was devoted to giving shoeless people shoes), some of the panelists were really awful. At one point, a guy behind me asked the question I'd been dying to ask, since most of the talk about charity had been about helping people specifically in Africa and nowhere else: Were there any current efforts raise money and/or awareness for certain causes closer to home, such as poverty in America or educational reform, et cetera? One of the panelists actually said this: "The way I see it, our problems here are certainly worth thought, but those people in Africa have far bigger problems than anyone back here in the US. I see the homeless here on the streets of Nashville just like you do, but they're still a lot better off than the people in Africa. It's about making a decision about which of these problems should be a priority. I think we should all be going for the 'big fish' when it comes to giving our help."

Not only did his response make him look incredibly ignorant and privileged in regards to the state of things in the US, but incredibly presumptuous: Yeah, the reason we're not talking about helping people over here is that YOU should be more concerned about people everywhere else. He also pretty much dismissed the validity of the point that there might actually BE people in the US who may need acts of charity.

[therealycats.livejournal.com]

It's funny you should say that, because in my experience here (I'm also in Middle Tennessee), it seems that everyone is extremely caught up on only helping people locally, or if not immediately local, then within the country itself, but if you dare help someone in another country you get chastised for it and called unpatriotic. Apparently--and thankfully no one that I knew posted this, that I saw--there was a Facebook status meme going around that started out "Shame on America," and was basically about how dare America help Haiti. The thing is I'm willing to bet cold hard cash the type of people who say things like that don't actually contribute to anything at all. And if you can't or don't contribute or volunteer, you know what, that's fine; life happens and we can't all do everything we want to, but seriously, how dare someone try to make someone else feel bad for doing something to help others.

[therealycats.livejournal.com]

Spike is a really polarizing character, and you'll see why the further you get into the series, but he also has a really interesting (I think, anyway) history in terms of his mortal life, which is seen mostly in "Fool for Love" (season 5) and "Lies My Parents Told Me" (season 7...although that's a Vampire Lestat ripoff if ever there were one, which is probably why I like it). Also, when you get to season 5 of Buffy, I recommend watching season 2 of Angel, or if not the whole thing, at least "Darla," which acts as a companion piece to "Fool for Love." I don't think it matters which order you watch them in; they aired the same night and I can't remember whether the WB had Buffy or Angel on first, but they both deal with character history and inform on each other more than anything.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to butt in here to recommend watching all of Angel anyway because it's kind of brilliant.

[gelasius.livejournal.com]

Is it a spoiler to tell you Spike has canonical incestuous mommy issues too? Yeeeah. :D

[therealycats.livejournal.com]

'Tis grown a bulge in't, indeed.

[regyt.livejournal.com]

I hadn't heard of No H8! If I can find an appropriate t-shirt and if my hair looks okay by the end of the day, I'll totally stop by.

[spicklething.livejournal.com]

Patty says him being totally in thrall to various chicks is just sorta what he does throughout Buffy, which somehow makes the whole John Hart I-was-a-good-wife dialogue in Torchood about 800 times funnier.

why yes it does! And Spike only get's snarkier as time goes on!

[blu-22.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting about the NOH8 thing. I'll try to make it after work if I can.

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

I'll be interested to hear more about how Spike reads to you going forward; I suspect it'll be very different from the way he read to someone watching Buffy as it first aired. The character development went in directions that to this day strike me as not wholly gelling with the personality we saw in seasons 2 and 3 of the show, but perhaps it will all harmonize better for you, since you're watching these early episodes with some of that later information already in place.

-- Anyway, one of the things I adore about Spike and Dru in this season is the neat understated parallel between the two of them and Buffy and Angel. (I actually started telling people I thought Buffy and Spike were made for each other during Season 2, and I'm still a little sad that the writers took them in directions that made them so much less of a perfect couple when they did get together. But enough of my issues.) When you look at the two relationships, they're like mirrored perfect paradigms of middle school/high school fantasy romance. Buffy gets the Fantasy Boyfriend: older, beautiful, mysterious and haunted, powerful and infinitely dangerous were it not for his devotion to her. Spike gets the Fantasy Girlfriend: beautiful and crazy and fragile, needing his strength and protection, loving him unreservedly in return and being guided by him as far as her vulnerability and weakness allow. Meanwhile Buffy and Spike themselves are each of them worldly, practical, capable of enough detachment to be witty, centered enough to love the world and what is in it. Their similarities are only emphasized by the way that they're both living through the same starter relationship. It's almost frighteningly easy to see them each as they would be if they weren't a vampire and the Slayer, each coming to the sad realization that their utterly romantic first love is actually not so much romantic as a nutcase, that staying with said love is not going to fix the crazy, that it's time to walk away.

They'd have been great together. I'm still a little sorry we never got to see it.

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

People have blinkers. All of them. The blinkers keep us sane. If we could fully comprehend all of the suffering that went on in the world, there is no way we could function. It's much easier to block out things that don't affect you directly, you don't even do it consciously - you still know they're happening, you still feel bad about it, but it doesn't have the same impact as things that, well, affect you.

There is no list of things that you have to tackle one at a time. The mid and late twentieth century saw inroads into race issues, queer issues, women's issues, religion, social demographics... all at the same time! And you have to have the little victories, because without them, everything feels a hell of a lot more hopeless. The argument that you can only care about the hugest problem holds no water whatsoever.

[lefaym.livejournal.com]

I may be the only person on the planet whose first impression of James Marsters was not Spike, but John Hart

Nope, it was the same for me too. Although I hadn't seen him at any cons (though I'd seen video/read reports from said cons). Also, with Anthony Stewart Head -- I was exposed to him through Doctor Who and Merlin, so it was a shock to see him playing someone NICE.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Ah.... my main feelings about ASH are related to Chess, which both he and his brother starred in at various points.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

You actually *are* a role model. But you get to decide what that means, and what example you want to set, and as you are a real person too with finite resources, you are also setting the example of choosing your own priorities.

All of that seems like a good thing, to me.

[nekosensei.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for linking to Holly's website. I'm sure she'll appreciate any assistance she can get. I'm keeping all of my fingers and toes crossed that she'll be able to make her payment this month. I don't want to even think how bad things are going to suck if she can't afford to get the nerve block done or pay for her medication...

And of course, if people are leery about out and out donating, if they see something they like, they are welcome to buy jewelry from her on Etsy. Every little bit helps!

[gwyd.livejournal.com]

I also saw John Hart before Spike, and yes, it's hard to adjust.