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stakebait in which Oz and Ethan Rayne hook-up... at Burning Man.writerinadrawer voting opens later today.stakebait in which Oz and Ethan Rayne hook-up... at Burning Man.![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
I do not understand this whole not having best friends thing. I'm very picky about who I want to spend time with and yeah, I do get jealous and am possessive of my friends but fuck, I need my sanity too!
I love your sundries, because you see the same news stories I do and post links where we can discuss! :D
That best friends story...
It seems like another way to protect kids from the inevitable hurt that occurs when best friends "break up", or hurt one another or one outgrows the other. But it's a valuable lesson about navigating relationship dynamics and loyalty.
Agree with the psychologist who says that you can't shelter kids from "normal social pain" -- not the same thing as being bullied or treated poorly by a clique, but it's natural for many people to have a bestie. Sometimes it'll end in tears, just like romantic relationships do when you grow up.
But it's really good to know someone's got your back.
That best friends story...
It seems like another way to protect kids from the inevitable hurt that occurs when best friends "break up", or hurt one another or one outgrows the other. But it's a valuable lesson about navigating relationship dynamics and loyalty.
Agree with the psychologist who says that you can't shelter kids from "normal social pain" -- not the same thing as being bullied or treated poorly by a clique, but it's natural for many people to have a bestie. Sometimes it'll end in tears, just like romantic relationships do when you grow up.
But it's really good to know someone's got your back.
I can't help but think this is another way for a certain stripe of today's super-clingy parents to keep their child theirs for longer.
TOTALLY.
And also the medicalization of being female. I was out to lunch with two women I was pregnant with. They both told me how "brave" I was for having a homebirth. I told them they were brave to go to the hospital. Both of them ended up with C-sections.
N.
TOTALLY.
And also the medicalization of being female. I was out to lunch with two women I was pregnant with. They both told me how "brave" I was for having a homebirth. I told them they were brave to go to the hospital. Both of them ended up with C-sections.
N.
FWIW: some of us are backlashing against it and trying to be sane about raising our kids.
N.
N.
RE: Medical center location....
I feel like an idiot now. I never realized they had a center in NYC, I thought it was all in Ithaca.
I feel like an idiot now. I never realized they had a center in NYC, I thought it was all in Ithaca.
I'm so glad that you linked to that NY Times article on best friends. I would have been utterly lost without intense one-on-one relationships as a child; as it was, I was pretty isolated and out of step with my peer group. This appalling trend will hurt kids more than it helps. Ugh.
You and like 30 other people, but I grew up right next to it. Which is why I finally made the note. It's the Weill Cornell Medical Center and Weill Cornell Medical College.
Edited 2010-06-18 14:22 (UTC)
I have to say, I read the NY Times but as a parent I never pay attention to any of the parenting stuff, because it all takes a minuscule portion of white upper-class families and extends whatever weird trend they do to the entire country.
I finished Stealers of Dreams and Only Human. I'm still holding off on reading The Deviant Strain because I have a strong premonition it's going to suck.
I finished Stealers of Dreams and Only Human. I'm still holding off on reading The Deviant Strain because I have a strong premonition it's going to suck.
We watched another episode of Buffy last night. James Marsters is a great actor because making that speech that ends with him on the cross any type of interesting and moving as opposed to just chaotic and weird took a LOT of effort. Of course, since he's known as the hot guy with the great abs from the trashy genre show, we're never going to get lots of changes to see him really act, and that's a damn shame.
Marsters draped over the cross is even more interesting when you know that he is the son of a minister.
Marsters' first and second TV gigs were on the great show "Northern Exposure". In the first he played a bell hop, but in the second, he had a much meatier roll as an Episcopal minister. ("Grosse Pointe 48230", 4th season) Here are some pics http://www.ebay.com/ He had a couple of really great scenes with Rob Morrow.
I can't help but notice that the 'best friends' article had a link at the bottom to one on teasing. Observe the text below. Though it is true the article is two years old and that it starts off more benignly. I also notice that in one of the large examples they used for happy children without a best friend, the happy children were twins! Twins already have a best friend, not universally, but often. I also notice that the girls in the picture's advertisement were so alike as to be almost indistinguishable (one had slightly redder hair.) Doesn't that suggest group exclusion and marginalisation? It is not necessarily so, again, of course but it is an impression that gives lie to the whole idea of inclusiveness. I am glad I am not growing up today without freedom or adventure. Why is the culture of playing outside until the street-lights come on ended? Because people are irrationally paranoid, and soon there will not be parents who remember anything else from their own protected childhoods. Statistics have not changed. It was not safer then, and the protections do not protect; they are to ease paranoia, as are the searches at airports. Now they are protecting children from having best friends, the only thing that made childhood even remotely tolerable. I remember being separated from my best friend at eleven. She was put in another school to separate us, and the violence and hate I faced was much worse after that happened. It was not better. How could it have been better, without support or company? Not one single person helped me, yet they tried to harm me in this way. (My uncle tried to help, but he was 4000 miles away.)
From the article supporting teasing (which they state is different than bullying):
Hierarchies have many benefits — the smooth division of labor and resources, protecting weaker members of the group — but they can be deadly to negotiate. Male fig wasps chop their rivals in half with their large mandibles. Narwhal males loll about with tusk tips embedded in their jaws — vestiges of their status contests. Coyotes engage in heavily coded bouts of play; those who don’t live shorter, ostracized lives.
Given the perils of negotiating rank, many species have evolved dramatized status contests, relying on symbolic displays of physical size and force to peacefully sort out who’s on top. Stags roar. Frogs croak. Chimps throw branches around. Hippos open their jaws as wide as possible to impress competitors.
And humans tease. Teasing can be thought of as a status contest with a twist. As humans evolved the ability to form complex alliances, the power of a single individual came increasingly to depend on the ability to build strong bonds. Power became a matter of social intelligence (the good of the group) rather than of survival of the fittest (raw strength). As a status contest, teasing must walk a fine line, designating status while enhancing social connection.
From the article supporting teasing (which they state is different than bullying):
Hierarchies have many benefits — the smooth division of labor and resources, protecting weaker members of the group — but they can be deadly to negotiate. Male fig wasps chop their rivals in half with their large mandibles. Narwhal males loll about with tusk tips embedded in their jaws — vestiges of their status contests. Coyotes engage in heavily coded bouts of play; those who don’t live shorter, ostracized lives.
Given the perils of negotiating rank, many species have evolved dramatized status contests, relying on symbolic displays of physical size and force to peacefully sort out who’s on top. Stags roar. Frogs croak. Chimps throw branches around. Hippos open their jaws as wide as possible to impress competitors.
And humans tease. Teasing can be thought of as a status contest with a twist. As humans evolved the ability to form complex alliances, the power of a single individual came increasingly to depend on the ability to build strong bonds. Power became a matter of social intelligence (the good of the group) rather than of survival of the fittest (raw strength). As a status contest, teasing must walk a fine line, designating status while enhancing social connection.
In the realm of Doctor Who tie-in novels, I am currently reading The Stealers of Dreams about a world where lying and fiction is illegal. It's actually freaking me out a little.
There is a fantastic sci-fi book called "City of Truth" by James Morrow that deals with a society where people are "programmed" to be incapable of lying, and fiction, art and makeup are considered lies.
City of Truth is great. I mentioned this before here, but Stealers of Dreams seemed like it was following City of Truth very closely in the beginning, then departed about halfway through.
Between that article and another I recall in the NY Times a few years ago about playgrounds in NYC hiring "play facilitators," I mourn for children today.
Why can't they just get to be, you know, kids? Rather than lifestyle accessories for their parents.
Why can't they just get to be, you know, kids? Rather than lifestyle accessories for their parents.
Please don't confuse the NYT and its fascination with a small number of upper class East Coast parents with "American parenting".
The end of "Beneath You" was the last time I loved Spike. *sniffle*
The best friends article is so absurd. I would have gone (more) insane in high school without my best friend. That adults are trying to break up childrens' close friendships is pretty tragic, actually--the teenage years are hard enough without adults trying to destroy the few things that bring you a bit of happiness. :(
The best friends article is so absurd. I would have gone (more) insane in high school without my best friend. That adults are trying to break up childrens' close friendships is pretty tragic, actually--the teenage years are hard enough without adults trying to destroy the few things that bring you a bit of happiness. :(
I came into Buffy fairly late and had heard enough about that episode before I'd gotten to it to assume the worst. My actual reaction to it was pretty much the same as yours and is what cemented my admiration for Marsters.
There's something about him that makes me forget that he's a genuinely good actor if I go too long without seeing him actually act. I feel inclined to be snarky about him despite my respect and love.
There's something about him that makes me forget that he's a genuinely good actor if I go too long without seeing him actually act. I feel inclined to be snarky about him despite my respect and love.
What is that episode's reception in fandom generally?
WTF?????? I thought this must be a joke!
Headaches - try a massage. You probably have inflamed muscle tissue that pressing on a nerve. And if you can, take something like Advil which is an anti-inflamatory rather than aspirin or tylenol. Hope you feel better. Sinus shit has been bad this week in Chicago - I feel your pain.
People have been pointing to the Ithaca-based IRB as the contact point on some posts I've seen, but Weill Cornell has its own IRB too, so it's good that you made the note.
The doctor's office is listed on 68th Street in Manhattan, so I suspect it's to Weill Cornell the protests should go.
...for real? I know temp workers tend to be very low-ranked, and more so at WalMart, but that's above and beyond the stereotypical WM bullying tactics.
I wonder how many of the parents and "counselors" and teachers that are anti-best-friend were popular in school, versus being geeks/nerds.
How can they think it's a matter of possessiveness? It's a matter of security and knowing there's always one person who speaks your language, at a time when your parents seem like TOTAL ALIENS.
How can they think it's a matter of possessiveness? It's a matter of security and knowing there's always one person who speaks your language, at a time when your parents seem like TOTAL ALIENS.
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