sundries

[rm]

Patty's brother and guest have arrived. We had a nice time last night and tonight we'll be taking her for her first sushi! So that'll be fun. The text message from them being lost while we were having sex trying to sleep was a little less pleasant, but what can you do?

LJ comments: still fucked. Film at 11.

I had heard there was something up regarding VividCon, but while I really dig vids, I don't make them and I'm not really a part of that community, and as such hadn't quite found my path to what the story was until this morning.

vom_marlowe has the story which involves disability-related fail, a side of transphobia, a bit of internalized misogyny and a whole lot of bad attitudes.

I have a few thoughts, that are oddly related to some thoughts I have about what jimhines has to say about rape and the police.

Actually, I have one big thought: People, the presence of rare or hypothetical bad actors in a given situation is not a reason to deny people accommodation or redress so that they may coexist comfortably, equally and fairly.

The fact that false rape accusations do happen once in a rare while is no reason for police to treat people reporting rape as criminals and dismiss their claims in a hail of threats. The fact that a person could theoretically claim an invisible disability to get someone into a vid show for free as a personal aide is no reason to make it onerous for people with disabilities to attend events, scold them for needing assistance and require that they are only the bare minimum of comfortable compared to other event guests while taking unnecessary, potentially humiliating and/or dangerous personal risks.¹

Also, don't joke about the bathroom thing. For trans people and sometimes for butch women, this can be a life and death thing.

And look, when I go to a restaurant, I understand I am taking a risk due to my celiac disease and that that risk is on me. HOWEVER, it's also perfectly reasonable for me to ask someone at the restaurant what's in the food and then make an educated decision for myself.

So if someone wants content information about your vid show due to things like migraines, epilepsy or content that they feel would be harmful to them in some way, you are not being unfairly burdened. They are being responsible and trying to make active choices for themselves and you should know what's in the tin you packed and be willing to share in such circumstances. In fact, you could save everyone a lot of misery by providing a write up on such in advance as part of your production process so that those with such concerns could research in advance without interrupting you or revealing information about themselves they might quite reasonably prefer to remain private.

Why is it, in the broadest sense possible so hard for us, as a species, to err simply on the side of kindness?

Also, a relatively trivial side note in all of this, but one I think is important in terms of how we think about ourselves and others: Enough with the tall poppy syndrome. People aren't dicks for being popular. They're dicks for being dicks about being popular or they're dicks because they're being dicks and happen to be popular. The popular (or successful or rich or whatever) isn't the inherent problem and obscures the conversation. I'm tired of it. Be grand, damn you all!

What exercise science doesn't know about women.

It may be possible to predict extreme longevity with significant accuracy.

Google is buying ITA and this could be very significant down the line, at least if you travel a lot.

Google is also supplementing the pay of employees with same-sex partners who receive insurance through them to neutralize the tax penalty these employees are hit with because of DoMA.

---

¹ I do not in any way intend to equate rape and disability here. Rather I am trying to equate people's bad attitudes about addressing rape and addressing disability accommodations as coming from related "logic" sources.

Comments

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Although everything about the VVC thing bothers me, I have to say that one of the most peculiar things is the anti-warning stance. I get that as an artist we sometimes want to spring surprises on people, but seriously, there are also people who want to be surprised, and they are perfectly capable of skipping warnings. I do think there is a difference between "No warnings" and "Choose not to warn" and I think if you don't choose the former and you won't list warnings then yeah, you should automatically be assigned the latter.

I saw a great sign during Waldo's Chicago Pride photo essays just a few days ago: "My life is more important than your feelings." Seems to sum up a lot of what people aren't getting in this and other similar wanks.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I really, really used to not get the warning thing, and there are ways in which I still don't get it on a personal level (in the sense that I don't have triggers), but just because I don't get it, doesn't mean I should be a dick about it. No one needs to get it on a personal level to do the right thing. Other people say "hey, this would be better for me and might give you a larger audience" and I go "okay!"

I know the next big solo TW piece I do is going to make me do the warning thing A LOT, so that'll be interesting.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

"My life is more important than your feelings." Seems to sum up a lot of what people aren't getting in this and other similar wanks.

A variant sums up the warning thing quite nicely IMO - a whole bunch of people feel that their art is more important than their audience's feelings. (or preferences or sometimes even needs).

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

That post regarding VividCon was really terrible. I don't think that's a bigger than normal fail, but really, that just makes the whole situation worse. Fandom is not happier or shinier than any other facet of life. I always wonder why people would consider it so.

I recall I once wrote and said IRL regarding rape victims that in order to be believed that something bad happened to them they'd need to be also murdered. That killed the conversation, but everyone agreed with me that seems to be the way rape victims are treated.
I know for myself (and other women and men that I know) a lot of the fear surrounding sexual assault (beyond the actual physical trauma) is the fear that they will not be believed if it happens (or did happen).

The exercise science piece is just a real "Duh" making piece of writing.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

The exercise science piece is just a real "Duh" making piece of writing.

Considering that the few actual studies done on women's exercise science have proven the old "givens" about the impact of exercise on women's bodies to be largely false (for instance, the impact of pectoral-focused training on the breast area), I am Brewster's comparative lack of surprise.

Your icon reminds me: have you seen the redesign of Wonder Woman's outfit? What did/do you think of it?

[newsbean.livejournal.com]

Why is it, in the broadest sense possible so hard for us, as a species, to err simply on the side of kindness?

In some ways, this seems like an American problem more than a human problem. We're so much worse about it. I think of all the people who live in "socialist" countries where they care for and look after the weakest. They seem to show much more kindness than we do.

[newsbean.livejournal.com]

I think I commented in haste. Americans may be worse about it, but we're certainly not the only unkind people in the whole world. It just feels like it sometimes.

[such_heights]

And look, when I go to a restaurant, I understand I am taking a risk due to my celiac disease and that that risk is on me. HOWEVER, it's also perfectly reasonable for me to ask someone at the restaurant what's in the food and then make an educated decision for myself.

Yes, this is the thing! That is all I would like at VVC, a better system that can get me the information that I need and also help me, you know, enjoy some vids. But, apparently this will destroy fandom or something, I don't know.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

I just...what the hell? Con accessibility is not rocket surgery.

[xtricks.livejournal.com]

*facepalm*

It is simply not that difficult to do some basic accesibility things that work for the vast majority of people who are going to show -- moving con chairs enough for a wheelchair is a five minute process, at most and in every case where I've dealt with something like that it's extremely easy to ask a few folks standing around to help move a few chairs. Banning aids is ... jesus, the con won't go broke if a few people are 'consuming' their goods without paying.

The trans issue is just ridiculous -- I went to a conference that was for ftm folks (years ago now), and a few other gender related conferences and all of them simply made all bathrooms in the con area unisex for the duration. And you know what? It works just fine.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Also, at a small con, if you know you have guests using wheelchairs, pre-plan the seat set-up. Not that hard.

[azn-jack-fiend.livejournal.com]

Parallels I can think of as well for "erring on the side of kindness" (great way to put it)

Some burglaries are fake; people do them to cover up another crime, or to make an insurance claim. But the fact that a TINY percentage of burglaries are fake doesn't mean police automatically assume anyone who reports a burglary is faking it.

Another thing that came to mind... I volunteered for a bit in assisting evacuees from Katrina who ended up in our state. One of the things the Red Cross did was process their information and give them a $300 debit card so they could get immediate food and housing and not have to spend the night sleeping in their cars. Some extremely mean-spirited people were complaining in local media that it was just "giving away money to scammers". For one night I was assigned to the pool for processing evacuees. Some of them had no identification but they were OBVIOUSLY TRAUMATIZED, obviously from New Orleans and thankfully the process let them get the $300 anyway. So what if a few scammers waited for hours until 2am in a grim line and got $300... it seemed like an acceptable amount of waste to make sure the people who really needed the money got it as fast as possible.

Any idea that punishing people who abuse a system is more important than helping people with that system... it's so popular, so disgusting.

[sethg]

I think a lot of people see charity work as an exchange of the recipient’s self-abasement for the donor’s ego-gratification.

[dglenn.livejournal.com]

"But the fact that a TINY percentage of burglaries are fake doesn't mean police automatically assume anyone who reports a burglary is faking it."

Uh ... actually, a few years ago, that was what the Baltimore police caught doing: threatening burglary victims with arrest for reporting the burglaries, accusing them of lying about being victims. I don't know whether that little problem got fixed, or the local television news just got tired of talking about it. But I do know that my experience with the city cops has shown that they are not there to serve & protect me, and the greater the distance at which I interact with them, the better. (And then there was the literally twelve %$#@ing hours response time to a 911 call: 03:00 I'm calling in a B&E in progress across the street; 15:00 a patrol car stops by to ask the neighbours whether everything's okay, and a "rapid response team" had been set up four blocks away all night.)

I wasn't afraid of cops until I'd lived in Baltimore for a few years.

So this thing with threatening rape victims isn't fundamentally new, just a much more vile incarnation of an older departmental problem. I'm disgusted twice, once for the offense and again for my lack of surprise at police behaviour so disgusting.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh, the epilepsy thing. Being epileptic myself, I have witnessed puzzling insanity on the parts of people who will mock, rip into, and virtually destroy any epileptic who politely requests that animated or flashing icons/gifs not be used. It is almost inhuman, these personal attacks. It is baffling. It makes no sense.
"Hi, I am epileptic. Would you please mind not using an animated or flashing icon when you post to this community? I am sure other members would appreciate it, since it can cause headaches. Thank you so much."
"LOL! No, you moron! Just look away! You're stupid! I can post what I want and you suck! You're a horrible person for forcing me to change my icon! Get out of this comm! We hate you!"
Just... it... argh. SEIZURES, people. Argh.

/rant over

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

FWIW, in Firefox (and perhaps other browsers as well, I'm not sure), hitting the ESC key stops all .gifs.

Obviously people shouldn't be dicks, but that can give you some control if people can't be kind.

[elisi]

Why is it, in the broadest sense possible so hard for us, as a species, to err simply on the side of kindness?
This. Thank you.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

What elisi said. :)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

Speaking of genetics and longevity, did you hear that, in the words of the Onion A.V. Club, "Scientists hoping to figure out why Ozzy Osbourne isn't dead yet"?

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

Thank you for what you wrote about the VVC discussion.

[rm.livejournal.com]

And thank you. I did not want to make a bad situation worse or say "here be evil" but I did want people to see this was going on. There's a lot to learn in the discussions. I'm sorry your community is going through this one.

[chicleeblair.livejournal.com]

First of all, I love taking people's sushi-virginity. It is fun. In Atlanta we used to do it at a place called RuSan's, which has college-affordable (read: cheap) sushi in a really cool atmosphere. Also, it is possible to take buffet food home in a to-go box if you are stealthy. This may or may not be because the servers probably want to be somewhere else. They are endearing in their ineptitude....

But nearer to my heart, I understand what you're saying about disability and concerts. I often get disability seating/prices at shows, passes at Disney World etc., since I'm physically disabled and horrendously nearsighted. It has occurred to me that people might take advantage of this system, but I'd rather that then someone deny them to, say, my Emotionally-Mentally handicapped little brother since his disability is invisible.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

Re VIvidCon. How hard can it be to accommodate someone with a wheelchair or cane or walker? Really, its not. If your holding your Con in a place normally used for meetings, the staff will not see this as a big deal.

As for the aides it seems very petty at a minimum to make such a big deal about watching the films or eating some food) and a downright dangerous scenario at worst to ask aides to leave. There's a reason people have aides and its not so they have a friend to sit with at the Con.

As for the flashes of light - my goodness, when did a simple, 'visual effects may create a health hazard' warning become such a BFD. Its not like you're giving the story away. If someone has a seizure during a screening, that's going to be a hell of a lot more disruptive.

I don't understand their attitude at all.

(Edited cause I can't spell).

[malle-babbe.livejournal.com]

Why is it, in the broadest sense possible so hard for us, as a species, to err simply on the side of kindness?

With regards to disability, I am beginning to wonder if here in the States we have a bizarre "moral hazard" POV towards it, and illnesses as well. Look at the freakout in some quarters over the passage of health care reform. Illness and disability are seen as consequences for "mistakes", the whole concept of "shit happens" doesn't seem to cross some peoples minds. Bad falls, car accidents, and surgical errors happen to other people, and wheelchair ramps will bring on a rash of folks going out and getting spinal injuries for fun, apparently.

I don't get it either.

Then again, accepting that one is really only temporarily able-bodied and you can never really know what tomorrow will bring is both humbling and unsettling.

[siege-ofcahoots.livejournal.com]

Why is it, in the broadest sense possible so hard for us, as a species, to err simply on the side of kindness?


Many, many years ago, when HIV was new and inspired hysteria in almost everyone, I was a buddy. We were given, relative to negotiating with our clients, what I would have to say was beyond a doubt the best advice I have ever heard, bar none: This is what you need and this is what I can give - let's between us find a way to meet in the middle.

[don-negro.livejournal.com]

Be grand, damn you all!

Preach it, sister.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

The thing I don't get about the VVC stuff is basically this. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but part of the point of accessibility in general is that it's generally supposed to cut down on the specific people having to 'demand,' or 'request' things; it's basically supposed to apply to as many people as it feasibly can. Yes?

So...what's with comments like this?

(No, I said it's impossible to address the needs of hypothetical person. You can only address the needs of someone that goes "Hi, I'm attending the con, I have needs that can be attended to" (and I don't mean saying that to the general public, I mean saying it to the people who can actually do something about it, the concom). If you start planning out for ANY hypothetical situation, then there is no end and no one will ever be completely attended to because needs will overlap and therefore, conflict.)

I'm not talking about it on laurashapiro's DW, because a) I don't know her and b) it's not my con; so I excerpt and I'm not trying to target the specific person talking, I'm just /confused/.

[sunhawk.livejournal.com]

I read the VVC incident and then fell down a rabbit hole of clinking links and wow that was quite the debate! I'm not sure I understood it all (which is my own failing, woo hoo for eye-openers!) but it was a lot to think about, thanks for sharing!

I also don't understand why some people struggle so much against easy acts of kindness.